But there is a science, a system of how to flip that over... and this is what this article is about...
The inner reality...
It's not when you can talk about it. It is not when you understand. It is when you can actually SEE it happening, this is when consciousness may take over... and lead you to where your inner terrain can become more friendly to you.
You see, reality is hard to see.
Why? Because just like pin tumbler locks, with many pins that need to align, need to be picked, or need you to have the right key, can keep you out of your house, the many filters, the many members of your Team You, will all have a say in what you can see...
Team You is like any democracy: the voice of the stupidest is the loudest... just look at America.
But no matter what, unless you see what is there... by removing, at least temporarily the filter, you will not get to seeing reality. You'll see the filter or filters.
Here is an aside: the more popular something is, the less its truth value. Why I am sure that it is so? Because mainstream is relying on the filters of the masses.
As long as you have the filters, each of those filters is a vulnerability: it gives master key access to you by it being manipulated.
The desire trap, the unwillingness to do work, the me-me-me attitude, (about-me), the I already know enough, I am above average, I can do it, I want it... I need to, have to, want to, should... the authority bias, the commitment and consistency cognitive bias, the "my 9 year old daughter can do it" bias, are the main vulnerability points.
Unless you can see the filters your machine throws up to deflect reality, your actions will be consistent with some pie in the sky view of what is... far far far removed from reality.
The distortion is the result of the likes and the dislikes that simply don't allow you to see without them.
In some weird way, the mind (i think it is the mind that is doing this, but it could be that it's the team itself, the ego, the precious "I", the history, the this and the that...) says: you are what you like and you are not what you don't like. Like attracts like... as in like, as favor, and not as similar.
It's only natural. They even say, some meme: see yourself in the best light.
But they are lying to you.
This is why I don't have many clients!
Only when you can choose what is ugly about you, that you can start seeing reality and do what you need to do to live a great life, achieve the great things you want to achieve, and have joy doing it.
So how do you use the filters to help you, instead of dupe you?
You know, you can do this with any obstacle: turn the tables on them, use them instead of allow them to stop you, or misdirect you.
What you find disgusting, what you find ugly in another, is what your filter doesn't allow you to see in yourself.
Here is an example: one of my students (actually more than one of my students) are afraid of people. They do nice nice to survive interacting with them.
This morning, while I took a shower, out of nothing, it popped into my mind: I am afraid of people. And suddenly I saw the behaviors I don't like in my students, and could identify them in myself.
There is this woman who regularly does kind things to me, drive me up the hill, or takes me shopping. We are in the Senior exercise class together.
She expressed a desire last week to have a panorama rear-view mirror, and I asked her if I could get that for her for Christmas. She flared up, and I got really scared. But I did order the mirror for her, and it arrived to her house yesterday. She called me to tell me how perfect it was, and how nice of me... blah blah blah.
But I am still scared of her... We have our exercise class today... and I am scared.
It is hard for anyone to imagine that I am scared, because I appear so outgoing, and glib, and social. All coverup... all pretense, all self-protection.
If you ever wondered why my inauthenticity number is not zero, now you know... I pretend and I don't even know I pretend.
Before this insight, I was pondering why I HAVE TO behave the way I do, totally out of character, be a loudmouth...
But, if nothing else, you can see that my dislikes lead, or can lead to seeing a glimpse of reality, about me, and look at it long enough, so I don't have to hide it from myself any more.
Do I plan to change my behavior? I don't. I am going to see what consciousness will make me do... I have nothing to fix.
Will I stop being scared of people? I don't think so. It is hardwired, and it may not even be personal... even though I have tons of stories that I could claim that it is personal. But I think being afraid of other people is normal. Once you own it, once you can be with it, you can just be normal about it. You don't have to make it obvious, and you don't have to hide it.
You can just allow it to be.