Sometimes I put the cart in front of the horse...
The insight (the horse) on the two selves that unless they become a team, no transformation can happen, came since I did those amazing Itch calls in 2014... so no wonder that the results are missing...
What am I talking about?
Your machine, your particular machine, was built based on an incident. Or better said: a decision you made by you (or accepted about yourself) as a child. 1
So far so good... but the process doesn't stop there.
There is a series of "therefores"... behaviors, that come from that early decision, and all of them are ugly. Fake. Pretentious. All try to fix what wasn't true to begin with.
Every fix creates bigger problems than the original problem was: you didn't, couldn't, wouldn't do something that you or others thought was important, essential, a requirement for you to be considered whole and complete.
You had many words for yourself. For example with the word worthless... replace it with your own invented word, stupid, not good enough, ugly, not a boy, etc.
You are Worthless unless... unless you already know everything
You are Worthless unless you sound sophisticated
You are Worthless unless you are really smart
You are Worthless unless you are pretty
You are Worthless unless you are liked
You are Worthless unless....
I also used words about myself: I am shit, I am less than dirt, I am stupid, I am ugly, I am dirty... Most are words used by children. Your adult words don't really fit there... Oh, and they need to be words in your mother tongue.
The behaviors you invented were designed to fix the unbearable worthlessness...
- Also wanting to become the best at everything: an eager beaver.
- Also invalidating everyone, as effective keeping me alone as the skunk's spraying...
Not a pretty picture, not a good life. No fun, no love, and definitely no self-love.
Now, what is happening inside, on the level of the two selves?
One self looks at the other, and is mortified (hopefully) at what it sees on oneself in the mirror of the other self's innocence. Unconfrontable. Horrible. 2
And depending on the level that you are able to be with the truth about your horrible behavior, about your horrible attitude, depending on that level, you are either going to be able to return to being whole and complete... or not.
The participants in the Itch webinars weren't able to see themselves and their attitudes for what it is: horrible, against life, against themselves... and when I talk to them nowadays, they are exactly the way they were, their behavior, their attitude, their level of effectiveness and life satisfaction, is the same or worse as it was before the Itch calls... except maybe for one person, who I spent a little more time strategizing than with the others.
My heart breaks for them... and then again, their example is an excellent teaching tool. Or learning tool from your vantage point.
I know, that you don't want to listen to yet another f...ing audio... f... that, right?
But if you are still missing something then you probably should.
How do you know that you are still missing something?
Life isn't full of joy, with results consistent with your ambition: you still procrastinate a lot, you still justify, you still explain, you still want to move sideways... to get out of the pressure cooker. 3
Or you feel guilty, you feel shame, you feel worthless... because you didn't do what you said you would do. The 20 day learning experiment is to drive this up... works beautifully, by the way.
Consider that there is a 90% chance that the missing piece is in the itch process. And by shelling out a few bucks, and buckle down until you completely see your machine through the generous participants of that course, you can get that missing piece.
90% certainty. Very high.
I never taught any of that before or since then. I myself forgot what I taught. And if something doesn't work in my life is because I didn't do the work on myself 100% at that time, and I forgot where to go to remember to do more of that work.
- You may insist that you now know enough to do the work on your own. Because the only thing that has value for you is what you invent... nothing coming from another is valuable...
You are blind to value... You especially don't value a life of grace, a life of surrendering to Life, a life where it is not all forced, cajoled, coerced, manipulated... Hell, that has no value for you.
- Or you may be like this: you cannot sustain more than one idea in your brain at any one time... the mirrors that have three panes are for you: you cannot imagine what you don't see, you cannot remember what is not in front of you... and you refuse to grow your capacities to train your brain to do more for you.
- Or you never had an independent thought in your life, all you do is repeat what someone else said... Sophie said... Sophie says... blah blah blah. What do YOU say? Too scary to look into empty?
- Or you simply find your ugliness unconfrontable, and find it easier to deflect it onto others, while you fancy yourself a good person, a just person, a nice person, a smart person, or whatever delusion you are entertaining.
It is always someone else who is bad... or it is the circumstances... like you are really really tired...
I literally refuse to do this conversation in the Playground. That course is already underpriced, doesn't even pay one month's rent for me... but you have your hand out, entitled, I should just give you everything, you are OK with me being underpaid... How much affinity is in that?
Do you think you can learn from someone who you despise, maybe even hate? Who you don't consider a person, only a tool, like a dildo?
My new policy is to not remove people from the course... but I do have a sore spot of not being considered a person... so beware... Please.
OK, blasting end...
What should you do? For your own sake, for the future that is not guaranteed, even after you do what I ask you to do?
Get the first two calls of the Itch webinars, PLUS the very last call where I spell out the strategy to beat the machine at its own game... priceless.
The person who integrated some of what is taught in that last call is Baheej... congratulations, Baheej. The other person on the call is Trish...
Here is how to get started:
If you already have the two calls... but want more, email me... I have another link for you to buy
- This childhood incident is the source of the engram in Dianetics, the foundation of Landmark's work, psychotherapists ride the waves on that...
- Unless it is horrible, you are not even in the game yet
- You don't understand, I am really tired! You don't understand, they/he/she is really bad! etc.