The tumbleweed or the invisible dynamic of a life worth living

There are two opposing ways of being that individually each is out of step with Life… unless they join forces… The tumbleweed

My Playground course is designed to bring the participants back to pre organized-religion times, where being in sync, being in harmony, being in step with Life is natural and not a sin.

But it is a B-i-t-c-h to teach.

Why? Because “The chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken.”

Thinking, mindset is a habitual way of seeing the world, so it is a habit, and until the habit is broken, the mind goes back to the same thinking, like a dog returns to his vomit.

What is this habit?

It centers around what is self and what is selfish, and what life and what god wants you to want.

Of course you want what you want, but surprisingly, a religion can distort your sense of what is right, and can make you want something that is clearly not good for you.

Everyone who awakens, has a crucial moment when they get a glimpse of Life behind all the teaching, covered up, imprisoned, and chained.

I have heard of a Leonardo Da Vinci painting that was bought ten years ago for ten thousand dollars, and was sold for a few million nowadays… the paining, the real painting was hidden under several layers of no value… just like Life in a world of organized religious thought.

So what is this organized religious thought? That you are selfish if you want your life to be great, if you want to do what your insides tell you to do, for yourself, if you want to feel good, etc.

Instead they encourage you, no, command you, instruct you, to first serve the deity, and then ask the deity for what you want.

My turning point was reading the Hillel lines in Hebrew, unbastardized by “modern” interpretation

The first line says: If I am not for me, who is for me?

The bastardized version: who will be for me.

But in real Life there is no future. You don’t worry about gaining a life beyond death, like in religion. No, in real Life you do your darned best to make your life good every step of the way.

I know that this idea is revolutionary for most of you, and maybe even horrible… But if you look, this is what made you the creature who hopes to get, who hopes that the future will be better, who prays, who waits for Godot, while doing nothing for themselves.

This is the pebble in the machine… or we could, more accurately, call it the switch that turns the machine into a machine that eats your life… instead of, what originally was meant, work with you, for life.

When I talk to people, when I hear people, there is a profound unclarity of what is your self-interest… and an almost universal refusal to DO what is in your self-interest.

I remember back in 1985, when I first set eyes on the lines of the Hillel “poem”, if you are not for you, who is for you?

There are two more lines, but I only needed the first…

I remember crying. It was the biggest confront, the biggest upheaval in my life: I am supposed to be for myself?

I lived in Jerusalem, Israel, alone, and no one was coming to rescue me… And that year that was becoming really clear for me.

Wanting to be rescued, needing to be rescued, was how I lived my life till that point. I can measure my vibration then, it was 30. Waiting, hoping, wanting to be rescued… not doing anything for myself.

That line jolted me awake, and suddenly connected me to the pulse of Life… maybe for the first time ever. Doing for me, being for me… how do you do that?

It is a hard habit to beat, wanting to be rescued, putting myself in the position to need rescuing.

I still miss it, often, but I also do for myself, most of the time.

And that poem, If you am not for me, who is for me? still is the strongest guidance for myself. I honor it like the North Star: I only look at it when I feel guidance… which is, unfortunately, not all the time.

Wanting to be rescued, wanting to be treated special, wanting to be considered good, nice, worthy, are all coming from our organized religious parents who also were wanting to be rescued themselves… so they were never really there for us, provide what we needed, in the moment.

It seems to me that even grasping, intellectually, the idea that you are habitually neglecting your own needs, being for yourself, is against Life, is against Nature, that it is a cancer growing in our midst… is beyond most people… without extensive and intensive training in seeing.

Here is an example, from today, from where I live:

I live in Syracuse NY, where there are more snow plows than in Sweden… OK, I don’t know if that is true… but in Syracuse, the snow is cleared from the streets in a few hours at most… And driving in snow could be in everyone’s skill-set… but…

Here, in Syracuse, there have been several school closings, also called “snow days” this year.

They call it snow storm here when there is heavy snow fall… and warn people to stay inside…

I grew up in Hungary. My first high school was two miles from home, two miles as the crow flies. I lived on one hill, the school was on another.

I had a choice to bus (not school bus, regular city bus) for an hour, or walk, as the crow flies, for about 30 minutes. Fast. Snow, rain, every day.

I walked… climbed, sunk into snow banks, slid on long steps… but was never late from school. Oh, and I loved the exercise. Really loved it.

In my 34 years in Hungary, I remember one snow day, in 1956. The amount of snow fell then was higher than a normal size man… twice my size. I was nine years old. that was also the year of the earthquake, and the counter-revolution when the good people of Hungary endeavored to hang all the Jews the Nazis missed… Oh well, I am off topic.

In Hungary we used to look out the window, maybe even step out a little bit, look at the sky, the clouds, the wind, and decide if it was a good idea to dress warmly or not.

I may have looked at the world through MY world view, and saw what I saw… but I was in step with Life…

When your view of life is cleaned of all the lies, all the memes, all the Tree of Knowledge, all religion, all self-sacrificing selfless stomach turning b.s. then you can see… at least some of the time.

When you are clear, the rackets fall away. You are at peace, you are in action, and you enjoy the life you live, because you are doing it for you. Not only for you, but you are the channel, and that is a wonderful feeling.

When you return to not clear, your rackets and other invisible dynamics chew your life, and you can’t even contemplate doing for yourself… let alone do for yourself.

What number measures it in the Starting Point Measurements? Hm, good question.

Your vibration number is definitely one.

In the current Playground, the students who don’t do for themselves, all have a vibration of 100… Even the student who, this past Saturday, was still at 200…

The students who are awakening to their own power, and to the “if I am not for me, who is for me” are raising their vibration.

The vibration number is not steady. It is like a thermometer: when you are looking at the world more from Life’s side, your vibration gets higher.

When you refuse to do for yourself, because it’s not nice, or you can’t face what a puny thing you have been… your vibration drops.

And when you are still struggling to see, and haven’t given up… your vibration stays the same.

I just measured, and three participants are at their highest, four are at their lowest, and one is steadily in the middle… still hanging in, but not seeing… yet… therefore not fully doing… yet.

What happens when you first see that in fact it is your job to do for you, and not someone else’s?

It’s horrible. It feels like you are on the edge of the abyss. It feels like the floor disappeared from under your feet.

Depending on your self-awareness, which I now also measure, you either know or you don’t know that you CAN do for yourself… and if you are not good at it, you can get good at it.

Interestingly, one common factor in all four students who are at their lowest, is that they didn’t take on anything truly measurable, and challenging in their projects in the 20 day learning challenge. 1

The 20 day learning challenge is there for you to get a sense of where you are at in your ability to do for yourself… and increase it as you go.

Really. You measure it for yourself.

Anything measured can be grown. Anything not measured cannot. Cannot be grown.

The more you talk, the less you grow. The less you do.

We are in midpoint in the program, and I am satisfied with where we are.

The only thing that is permanent in life is change… the best will become the worst, the worst will become the best… It is how life works.

Remember the analogy I invented (I think I invented it, but who knows?) about the soul’s triangle and the ego’s triangle joining forces and taking you where you want to go?

Like a tumbleweed. Rolling down the road, one part up, the other part up… powering the motion, powering Life.

One triangle stands for “doing for me”. What is good for me also benefits others.
The other triangle stands for “want them to do it for me” aka rescue? victim? superior?

And if you have them both, and in balance, you can do anything, you can go anywhere.

In the Playground we awaken the “doing for me” part that has been dormant, suppressed, or in some cases dead.

You can call it integrity. Or you can call it self-love.

I just downloaded the Unconditional Love Activator to a bottle of remedy, to fill an order.

The Unconditional Love Activator, not accidentally, comes down and goes through the body like the tumbleweed, rolling.

There can be no self love if you only do for yourself… (Hillel’s words: “If I am only for myself, who am I?”) And there can be no self-love if you only do for others, for some deity, for some idea.

The two triangles join forces, and tumble and tumble… and as long as they tumble, you experience self-love… And when you love yourself, you love your life, because you take care of your life. You love Life, because you are in step with life.

It is the natural state of the living… to love Life.

The Unconditional Love Remedy can only be shipped when there are at least three days of not very cold days and nights in a row.

But you can make your Unconditional Love Remedy at home with the Unconditional Love Activator audio. Of course, it works, like all my products, in a co-creative way: you tumble with the energy… Try it. It’s a lot of fun.

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  1. Some students have a version of this world view: they are waiting for knowledge to ascend, or descend to them, to be given to them. They say: I should already know! This is a version of the “Waiting for Godot”… All knowledge takes action, your action to get. Without knowledge not much of successful action can be performed. When you refuse to get the knowledge, to learn, you are wholly ruled by the machine that says: you are a victim. You are slighted because the universe didn’t give it to you, didn’t come to your rescue, baaah, baaah, baaah.

    Disgusting, if you ask me. Not more disgusting than mine, mind you… just as disgusting.

    Some soul corrections are more prone to this “racket” than others. Memories, Forget Thyself, Silent Partner are the worst at this…

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

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