I could say "I am depleted" as I have always said: I am running on empty. I could also say: I feel emotionally and intellectually empty. But like you, I can benefit from adding to my vocabulary of state-expressing words, and feeling-indicating words.
When I don't feel energized, when I am not full of creativity and when I don't have three new articles almost ready to write, when I don't feel like I have new programs to launch, then eventually I start to wonder, maybe even worry.
It's not like me to have nothing to say.
Why? What happened? Where did my energy go?
Of course I have more energy to start with than most: I eat well (91% well), I drink coherent water (only 40% because of all the hot beverages I crave during the day!), sleep well (50% because I wake up 3-4 times in the night), and yet, I feel empty and have nothing to say. 1
Yesterday's article was one of my worst. And this after I just loaded up on the Days of Power energy... what is happening?
I am examining my activities minutely, and I zero in on listening to Dr Popper's talks as the main culprit.
What about listening to a charming, charismatic psychologist's talks is depleting me?
For one, it is in Hungarian.
The second reason is: I am listening for something, i.e. I have an agenda.
I have some new clients who need help, help I normally don't offer. So I am listening to Popper to see what he would do...
And that, listening with an agenda, makes all my energies leak away.
It doesn't make sense to the mind, after all I am listening to some fantastic talks... so it is not the talks. It is the agenda I have... or the agenda that has me?
It is not my nature to have an agenda, by the way. Even though I learned Photoreading, which is largely agenda driven, I never used it with an agenda. The biggest gifts I got from Photoreading are the Tangerine Method, and the fuzzy eyes and fuzzy brain method... that lead to, probably, the theta brain state. The gift I got is not the reading. That part feels forced and agenda driven.
So I avoid forceful anything that makes me feel my muscles in my shoulders and my arms tense... I hate it. I breathe and release the tension.
But I remember when some 50 years ago I was once in the library researching something for my architectural project, and entered this tense state and benefited nothing from the research.
What happens when one has an agenda? Not a purpose, purpose is not forceful. No. An agenda that is hurry, an agenda that is a must...
Oops, let's not discount yesterday big "todo": my webhost's server had a hiccup, and corrupted countless number of databases... including my site's.
It happened at 7 am, and didn't get repaired until 2 pm. I did have a "bridge" solution, took me hours to create... and in spite my best efforts, I was tense... but... I already didn't have much to say before that event.
But I digress...
Let me explain what happens when one gets into hurry, one gets into forcing.
It is actually simple. Because there is no hurry on the vertical plane, the plane where life happens without resistance from you, life happens without demands from you, if you are in a hurry: you must have slid to the horizontal plane.
The horizontal plane is what most people live on. Full of complaints, full of disappointments, full of thwarted intention, unfulfilled expectations, undelivered communications.
I used to be in deadline driven occupations. An architect always has a deadline. A magazine publisher always has a publication date.
Today the only deadline I have is the first of the month: rent is due. I have lived in the same apartment for 16 years now, so my landlord is somewhat flexible, but it is still difficult to stay loose and relaxed when the money just isn't there.
And being tense doesn't help... especially because it depletes me of creativity. I notice holding my breath. I notice that even when I want to, the breath doesn't go deep: as if I had a blockage below my breasts.
I expect trouble. Not fear. Not anxiety. Not anguish. Interesting. I just checked, and it is not represented in the Bach Energies, so maybe it is time to ask for a precise energy that can release that tension. Let me do that now...
I'll call that energy Liana, the energy of the plant that climbs by winding itself about a support or holding fast with tendrils or claspers. I could call it the boa constrictor, but I want to stay with plants... The energy is willing to kill the thing it climbs on, for its own purposes.
OK, Source gave it to me... I'll be adding it to the Heaven on Earth as the 41st energy... I will record myself downloading the Liana, and you can buy the audio... a single energy.
I am noticing, it also releases the neck and the arms. Nice.
In reality (not MY reality as some of my students talk about it, no, in real reality) anything that you forcefully pursue, anything that you chase, even anything that you seek, flies from you, escapes you. Happiness, riches, results.
You need to fall in step with life, relax into it, and then you can have anything you have the talent, the skills, the process to get. NOT attract. I don't believe in attraction.
One could say that attraction is a positive thinking concept: the truth is more like anything you don't repel.
Most things you want you repel. Wanting is forceful.
Julia Childs would not have been hellbent like it is depicted in the movie. She would have been diligent, tireless, ambitions, but not hellbent like Merryl Streep played it.
How do I know? I have watches some of her videos on youtube, and it is out of character for her to get her panties up in a twist, to become overly upset or emotional over something, especially that which is trivial or unimportant.
It is possible to do things fast without hurry. It is possible to even run and not be in a hurry. Hurry is an internal state. Wanting it to be over with... instead of being where you are.
A person who is running but isn't in a hurry is present to the pleasant (or painful) feelings in their body, the way the feet touch the floor, etc.
In a world that is in a deadly rush, it takes character, maybe even courage, to remain loose, present, be here and now.
I go grocery shopping on Wednesdays with a bunch of old folks, like myself. I take my kindle with me, and sit on a bench far from them, because the van comes back to pick us up about 90 minutes after i finish my shopping.
I don't want to sit with the other people, because they are tense: they want to be somewhere else... In a hurry. I, on the other hand, peacefully read my book, comfortable, nothing better to do. Lovely.
I observe my students always have an agenda. Always keep their eyes on what isn't... and not what is.
The secret of the process thinking is directing your attention to what is, and not what isn't. You are doing something... and that is what is. Reading, talking, cooking, sitting, driving. What isn't isn't...
The main purpose of my Playground program is to train this simple move from what isn't to what is.
All the invisible dynamics are the many different ways to look at the mind, the machine, to take you out of reality into unreality: your agenda that can be thwarted intention, your expectations, etc... all the things that aren't.
The past isn't real: it isn't. The future isn't real: it isn't. The only thing that is real is what is, this moment and this moment and this moment.
If you are able to let go of the suffocating, urgent, squeezing need to get what you want, you won't need the Liana energy.
But, so far, it seems that it is the hardest thing for a human to do.
Some people even force "allowing" or "acceptance"... which is an oxymoron, for sure.
Allowing and acceptance are letting go, cannot be forced.
Just like some students force breathing... Some people force everything... lol.
No joy, no fulfillment, no serenity is possible in that tense state. None.
Just the opposite of what you wanted, isn't it?
One more thing: laughter, real laughter, also releases that tension...
When your physical body is not taken care of, you experience your ambition diminish and your desire rise... (ambition is what you are willing to do for what you want, desire is what you want to get without your input). Most people discount this and they are not willing to do what they need to do to be well... so they turn to desire. Understandable, by the way, that when you can't do, because you have no energy, you'll fantasize about results... you can't work towards.