The uncatchable ball

uncatchable ballI have been working longer hours than usual, listening to recorded courses of mine, and listening to more than 10 hours of Partner calls a week.

Increasing the intensity and listening to older, already forgotten courses has done me good: I am seeing some questions I haven’t been asking.

How many predatory genes you have. How much energy you have to do the work to go to the next level. Is the machine stronger than your desire to be free? Well? Productive? Happy?

The human culture pulls toward self-righteous attitudes, where people have an illusion that life should go their way. That other people should conform to their requirements.

I remember when this pull broke for me.

It was a simple, innocent sounding question: What would life be like if everyone were like you?

I looked. And I was mortified to see that life would be worse…

This was decades ago… today I dare not look there… 🙁

But no matter how you slice it, if people were just like you, then life would be full of nincompoops, little tyrants, fixing machines, boasting incompetents… the answer is different for each person, but life would not be better, it would just be filled with people who, in YOUR unique way ignore how life is, and try to force life and reality to be different.

Life is the way life is… and it is YOUR job to adjust your world view, to adjust your thinking and behavior to navigate how life is. You refuse? Your bloody beaten up soul shows you your results.

You are all beaten up… and yet you haven’t accepted that it is your fault… your own self-centered, self-righteous way that did it for you.

If you saw yourself in a movie, you would feel disgust, distaste, or at best pity at the bumbling idiot, clueless, self-damaging person you see on the screen.

Your reality-denying, reality-clashing behavior is largely consistent with your soul correction: about 20 different archetypes. And your emotional state, your typical emotional state will be self-hate in most every soul correction. And your life? At best, successful in one pillar of the four pillars of the good life: health, finances, love and fulfillment.

I have added two new measures to the Starting Point Measurements today:

  • the number of predatory genes (selfish genes) and
  • whether you have energy to do the work of becoming a human being.

I am curious how they correlate.

I have only measured a few of the people I know… And so far it seems that even if you have a lot of the eight predatory genes, you may spend your energy hating, being upset, angry, furious, depressed, trying to force, dominate, push your good ideas on other people, instead of redirecting those energies to growing, and clearing yourself of the maya, the misconceptions, the expectations, the assumptions, the fantasies, the greed, the “I am sure it is going to work” self-delusion, and get to work.

Fat chance with most people.

Some days I wake up in a good mood, but soon get confronted with reality: The ball I am trying to catch is an uncatchable ball. It is heading in the wrong direction, or it is slimy, or it has too much anger to let itself be caught.

If everyone had the same ambition as me: winning in the face of unbeatable odds… the world would be a very ineffective place. If I put as much energy into making money, having friends, looking/feeling good, and such, I could be the top of any “game”… but I am only interested in catching uncatchable balls… darn.

I used to use, as a filter, to accept you  or not into my courses, whether you could sustain your water energizing efforts…

Or your diets.

I didn’t remember at the time, but there is a cyclicity to everyone’s behavior…

The machine that you live in has cycles. So far I have distinguished two cycles: the trigger, and the outcome. Once the machine is moved into operation through the trigger, it will run its course, and nothing will change it: it will lead to the predictable outcome.

My machine can be called, by the outcome, a devastated machine.

At some point I decide that it is smooth sailing from thereon… The decide it in health or wealth, growth, maybe even in relationship. I am on my way, nothing can stop me, I’ll be healthy… blah blah blah… or I will be rich. Filthy rich.

That is the trigger, that cocky statement.

The outcome of the machine is utter devastation. Last summer I went from a 70% health number to nearly die with 3% health number as the machine went into the cycle… leaving me hardly able to walk, always sore left arm, etc. My machine in the area of health is about a year long, maybe a little less.

  • Financially my cycle is about two years long, etc.
  • In relationships I have a three and a half year cycle.
  • In growth I have a nine-year cycle.

The length of the cycle depends on some early traumatic incident: at what age it happened.

I teach this in the Level2 course… and I select people for the course in the Pebble webinars.

The fuel of the machine is an unfulfilled, and unfulfillable desire: to be heard, to be respected, to be significant, to be considered special, etc.

Why unfulfillable? Because the machine is not there to even notice when you get it. With regards to that base unfulfilled desire, you are a bottomless pit… you don’t even get wet.

My unfulfilled desire is to be lovable…

….but because I have never experience being loved, or because the machine doesn’t care, I will never notice being loved… the machine just keeps on churning… like machines do.

Now, a few years ago I decided that I could love myself. That has been working like gangbusters, and in many areas of life I have been experiencing some less feverish machine activities… except health… That area, the area most prone to seek proof that I am loved, that I would be missed if I died, that I can get attention even if I am not sick… hasn’t let up…

Last week I bought some sour candy… two weeks ago I bought a bread roll… Both spell death to my health.

You can get the many recordings where I work with people to find their machine and machine moves in the Pebble webinars.

Get the Pebble webinars, and optionally have a private session with me
Now, depending on how much vested interest you have for yourself to rape, force life, to make people wrong, you can learn to manage the machine. To satisfy your cravings for significance, love, respect through giving it to you, to catch the trigger, to have the ability to observe through the Witness eyes.

You may change your point of view, and you may not. My hunch: it depends on how willing you are to have real value, extrinsic/use value in the world.

Not willing? You’ll substitute for worth with anger, hate, self-righteousness.

Willing? You can increase that willingness through careful nurturing that energy that is willing to be redirected.

Warning: most people are unwilling. Why? Because they would have to tell themselves the truth about themselves, about their lack of education, their attitudes, their activities. They are unproductive, imprecise, sloppy, stingy, or plain lazy, pleasure seeking, parasitic, or delusional.

The element, the critical element of whether you are willing or not willing, is taught in the Playground course. Depending to the degree you free yourself up in the Partner calls, every time, you can track your willingness.

If you are still left with a grudge, or anger, or disappointment either with yourself or with others, you are not doing the work to clear yourself… you do it willy-nilly, and you won’t be able to free yourself up to become a human being.

I hate to be the one to break it to you…

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Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

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