Most people who read my articles, or new people in my courses are puzzled by the term: learning about the invisible reality. How can you learn about, how can you learn about something that is invisible?
But, just like you can write with invisible ink, that can be made visible by another chemical process, you can make the invisible visible, for yourself, by recognizing certain characteristics, or by asking astute questions I teach you.
Of course unless you are somewhat astute, all the astute questions won’t matter… or worse than that: you’ll ask them without first seeing, astutely (again) what is in the visible.
One of the biggest missing is the ability to connect the dots, to see the connection or similarity between seemingly unrelated incidents, seemingly unrelated occurrences, either in space, or in time, or in circumstances.
This is the biggest reason I expressly prohibit coaching or advising or any talking, hm-ing, chuckling, sighing, any feedback, praising, etc. in Playground partner calls. You are there to do your own work, and offer a neutral pair ears for the other… not to help, not to advise, not to coach, not to like or dislike, not to agree with or disagree with what you hear.
People consciously, or unconsciously, mislead the other… mostly to prove to themselves that they are smarter, equal to, or superior to the other.
If there is one reason I would throw you out of the program: this behavior is it.
Admittedly, it is hard to listen to something and not have an opinion about it.
It is a moment to moment “letting go” activity: your opinion, when it gets stuck, when it has an emotional component, it shapes the conversation, renders you a false echo… broadcasting your opinion in the background, killing the power of the other.
This is so true, that even if you don’t have an opinion, but you are multi-tasking, making dinner, paying attention to something else, the speaking participants starts to listen to the feedback telling them that what they are saying is either wrong, or not important to you. I can hear it on the calls. They just started to doubt themselves.
You live in and grew up in an environment where you could never hear yourself: you only heard, ever, what others said about what you said… either out loud, or in their head. And you built your self-image from the feedback.
This is one of the reasons you don’t have a self… you don’t even know what you think, what you like, what is true for you. You second-guess yourself.
This is especially true if you are an empath, or a so-called “sensitive”.
In the “real world” finding someone who can be a real, truthful, “distortion-free” echo is very hard.
When I find someone like that, I hold onto our relationship for decades… it is as valuable as gold. And when I find out that they start having an opinion: I leave.
I had a coach some 30 years ago. I paid a lot of money to be heard. That was our relationship for 3-4 years: in his echo I started to formulate who I was… until he met one of my employees, and suddenly he had an opinion… or maybe he always had an opinion… but one time it came out of his mouth…
I left in the middle of the session (it was an in-person coaching, I drove an hour each way to get there) and never looked back.
Any opinion, any judgment, comes through loud and clear, whether you intend it to come through or not… And we all judge, instantly. It is part of our survival mechanism, nothing wrong with it. But to be stuck with the judgment and filter everything through that judgment is a choice…
You keep listening this way, and you won’t be tolerated in my programs… And you’ll be in war with me unless you are willing to change your “spots”…
I am referring to the saying “the leopard doesn’t change its spots”… but the truth is: you are not a leopard, and you can change, you can manage your opinion, you can manage your listening… or if you can’t: you are a goner from the Playground.
You see that is all in the invisible… maybe even invisible to the listener, invisible to the speaker, very visible to me.
That your listening SHAPES the speaking… and that interferes the job of the partner. You are not there to influence, or dominate the call, you are there to do YOUR job, and allow the other to do THEIR WORK: make the invisible part of their incident visible, separate what is unreal from the real, so they can end up seeing reality where nothing is wrong.
If that place (where they can see that there is nothing wrong) were New York City, for example, your opinionated, superior, false echo takes them to Paris… not where they wanted to go. So you robbed them from their power, from their course, and damn you, you took them to Paris.
I now have six people who will have a choice to start over again, armed with this knowledge, or choose not be in the course.
This is the reason: that they haven’t been providing a high fidelity listening. Nothing wrong, by the way, just doesn’t serve my purposes: causing my participants to learn to live a life where nothing wrong ever happens to them… where there is nothing wrong with them, so they are empowered to live a life they can love.
One of my jobs is to listen to every partner call. And fume…
But sometimes I get “lucky”, and don’t get to hear a partner call, only the aftermath.
One of the participants, M, has two partners. I listened to the call with the second partner, a call that was back to back with the first, the one I did not hear, because the recording didn’t record the audio.
I caught the damage that was done by the listening of the first partner, I’ll call him B. That listening, and the “coaching” and “feedback” from that listening by B mislead M… and robbed him of his power to do his own work, to get to know himself.
In the Playground it is more important that you are a good listener than what you want: winning, avoiding domination, looking good, or being right. Or thinking of yourself as the nice guy, or the nice girl, helpful, smart, sympathetic, superior, generous, or whatever the f*** you want to fancy yourself.
Can you hear how angry I am?
If you are only for yourself, who are you? asks Hillel, and the answer is EVIL. Desire to receive for the self alone.
And, luckily, I am not left only with my opinion about you, I can muscle test and ask Source (All-knowledge) about it… and measure your about-me score. If your about-me score is above 70%, you are all about yourself… and you have no tolerance, no room for the other to win… and you will be a poor partner.
Interestingly, what really prompted this article is something totally unrelated: I watched a video by a Hungarian girl about the curious American things, curious, funny things about America and the Americans.
She was well spoken, she has a regular Youtube channel, and I detected envy in myself. I detected the whispering that if she is great, then I am nothing.
The zero sum game fixed attitude is embedded in the human DNA… but will be deactivated for human beings.
In game theory and economic theory, a zero–sum game is a mathematical representation of a situation in which each participant’s gain or loss of utility is exactly balanced by the losses or gains of the utility of the other participants.
This is another invisible… because it is there 24/7, like the air you breathe, or the water for the fish.
Until and unless you get cognizant, aware of it, it will render you miserable. And will want you to break down everyone, reduce them to less than you, so you can feel good about yourself… like in a partner call.
The zero sum attitude can also be called “or-ness”, where your attitude is “either you OR me”.
The truth is, that most things in life are not zero sum games. There are a few exceptions. You are either pregnant or not. You either cage your PIG (I am referring to the book, Never Binge Again) or you will binge again.
And by binging I mean all types of binging… I mean procrastination, judging, complaining, sabotaging, moving sideways to avoid taking care of yourself, avoid doing what would make you happy, successful, love yourself, and instead you play video games, eat chocolate, ice cream, chat, watch videos instead. etc. a lot of etc.
I am going to send out the email to the participants whose about-me score is above 70%… what they will do with it is not in my hand.
By the way, to find suitable meeting times for people in Europe, Australia and both coasts of the USA, I use https://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/meeting.html
It is useful when you set up your partner calls…
With that said: if you want to join the Playground, this is a good time to do it. There are 6 modules. You only get access to the next module if and when you are ready for it.
Sign up to Module 1 of the Playground