Good question, isn't it? Both parts...
My answer is the same to both questions... both parts.
It is the shoulds.
They are everywhere. Society, family, partner, government, religion, everyone we come in contact with place a should on us... and we take it, even if we don't like it.
When we are born, life is big, and our playing ground is huge.
Then come the no's and the do or else's...
And with every no and with every "do or else" the playing ground where we are free to do what we want to do gets smaller and smaller.
When I look at people, they are pretty much restricted to a life the size of a playpen. Area where they are free to be themselves, area where they can be curious, area where they can do what they want to do.
All other areas are constricted, are mine fields, and peppered with should's and shouldn'ts.
No freedom, no liberty, no joy. Also no distinction... everything is the same as everything else.
It's been coming out in the conversations I call Partner Calls... a part of my Playground program.
The goal of the Partner Calls is to become free again. Free, creative, joyful, even though those restrictions still exist in the world, but YOU are free. Free to be, free to love, free to express.
It is your relationship to the restrictions that changes... Some, you'll see that it makes sense, and you'll voluntarily honor it. And most, you'll see that they intend to diminish you, and you'll not honor it. You'll choose, consciously, and gain your freedom.
Some people, rare as they are, have managed to choose what to honor and what not to honor. Whether it was by luck, or by courage... I don't know. I only know, from observation and from my own personal experience, that it is not necessary to honor all the rules, traditions, commandments, shoulds and should nots... and you won't be ostracized, thrown out, killed, abandoned, jailed, or whatever we are all afraid of... Most of those rules only apply to the unthinking and the meek.
Due to the impossibility to obey all the rules and also the rule that is the opposite, we have learned to show a front to the world... and we even convinced ourselves that that is who we are.
- One of my student's father is gravely ill... and will probably sooner or later... he is old. She has been struggling because her precious "I" says that she is a caring person, and caring, in the culture she is from, means freaking out.
- I gave a feedback to another student the other day where I asked him to grieve, to feel the overwhelming sadness he is hiding over not having amounted to anything in life. He is unwilling, because if he did, he would have to admit that I am accurate about him.
We are all miserable because of the many many many rules, standards we are trying to, at least seemingly, obey... but of course if you did, you would never amount to anything, guaranteed.
I encourage rule breaking, I actually encourage rule ignoring. The only rule you need to heed is your inner rule.
The purpose of any human life is to become the most one can become in a lifetime. That is what is a worthy endeavor, but it is impossible to heed if you look at made up rules... society is built for moochers, looters and second handers, the 99% of humanity.
So what is the path that I help people take, if not the 99%-ers path?
Unless you participate in an immersion type of program where you are awakened frequently enough, redirected frequently enough, preferably more than once a week, you won't be able to change your life at all.
The Playground is still an experimental course... because the roots of misery go really deep, and because society, your family, your governments are not interested in you becoming an individual who can choose what rules to honor and what rules to ignore.
I don't teach you to ignore legitimate laws of countries. I don't teach you to ignore ethics and moral laws. I teach you to ignore agreements that were never made... made up by people to feel more in control... and unwittingly they made themselves more miserable.
The agreement that you must love your parent or the parent must love the child. You cannot make agreements to love... you can make agreements to act lovingly... but love is not inside your control.
- Many if not most children are unlovable, as are you, yourself.
- Same issue with your neighbor, or even with yourself. You can do what a caring and loving person does... but the feeling is not inside your control. I do teach you how to earn that love for yourself... by the way.
- Same about being caring. You can do the things a caring person does... but you cannot force yourself to feel caring: it is not inside your control.
- Accolades, appreciation, acknowledgment: it is in other people's hand, and what they see is what they see. People made no agreement with you to acknowledge you for everything or even anything, whether they are just people, or your parents, or your spouse, or your boss.
In the Playground you learn to provide for yourself what you consider a must for you to feel good about yourself... and to become independent of others opinion.
Society, family, even friends, keep you on a short leash by withholding what you need to be well. Is it intentional? I think so.
The most important motivator of the current humanity is to have power over other people. To manipulate them to do THEIR bidding.
If you look, without this course you are just an appendage of other people, a puppet on a string.
- Your mother can say something,
- your daughter can say something,
- your husband can say something,
and your day is spoiled... your life is spoiled, for hours, days, for a lifetime.
It is time to declare independence.
When you are independent you don't get rattled by everything others do. You are free to do whatever you feel you want to do... and if you are really independent, what you'll feel like doing is something that is good for you and good for others. Satisfying, fulfilling, maybe even exciting.
But as long as you are trying to live inside the tiny space that you feel you have to be, where every rule you made up or accepted is cutting the Lebensraum... the "dance floor", the elbow room you have for your life to the size of a playpen.
It is obvious to me, and I guess it is obvious to you, that 99% of humanity is in this predicament.
- Whether you feel defeated and that's what you say your reason for not doing anything worthwhile, or
- you feel afraid and you say that is what hold you back, or
- you say you are too busy to do anything more, or
- you decided that you were stupid because you make mistakes and that is why you won't even try to do something worthwhile...
it is all a lie.
Or a mirage, and illusion, if you prefer.
In reality you don't need to be smart, always right, always heard, or do all the things that make you busy.
In reality you have a choice. Because in reality nothing is fixed.
Unless, of course, it is a natural law... that is as fixed as it gets in reality.
- It is not a natural law that you have to be winning every transaction or interaction in life.
- It is not a natural law that you should not make mistakes. In fact, it seems that in reality people who make more mistakes do much much better than others.
- It is not a natural law that you need to be acknowledged for every idea, every scheme, everything you try to do...
- It is not a natural law that you have to do all the things you are doing, whether they are useful or not. You are doing it so you feel your life full... but it is really empty, isn't it? Empty of meaning... And you are miserable.
Once you cut all the strings that tie you to misery, you'll have elbow room, you'll have time and energy to look what would delight you.
And that is when you'll be free enough to see what meaning would give your life meaning.
Until then no invented meaning will stick... it can't... It will be snuffed out by all the rules, and obligations you are attached to.
That is the Playground.
It is actually fun... the only place where it is about you, where you are the star, where people listen to what you have to say... For most people it is really the only place... People's job, on the Partner Calls, is to hear you, and make no comments, none.
I have dismissed people from the course for trying to upstage their partner with their remarks. Now, that is a rule you don't have... lol.
And through 52 partner calls over the year, more if you wish, you slowly but inexorably move towards freedom, independence, and a life that now can become meaningful. Really.
I know you have your reasons. Maybe it is too late for me? Maybe I won't like it... maybe this and maybe that.
This is why I structured the course, that you can quit any time... and will pay only the parts you actually participated in. So you don't have to risk all that money upfront.
- You get my undivided attention for about three hours a month... I charge for that much of my attention %750, $250 an hour.
- You get your partner's undivided attention: how much is that worth? Millions?
- And you get a year long course... Most people would charge $4000 to $20000 for that.
Can I guarantee that you will have the results?
At this juncture, because it is an experimental course, no, I cannot give you a 100% guarantee. I can guarantee that unless you do something really bad, I'll keep you in the course, and will work with you so you can get the results. The certainty is 60%... and I work on adding to it every day. And it seems that Source is on our side... I am being guided, and prompted, and nudged so I stay true to the path, so I pay attention to input, so I make the course more and more effective.
While you are being hijacked by random thoughts, I am prompted to go deep, think deeply about my students. I have given my whole life to this "job"... And given my age and life expectancy, I better appreciate every moment, because I may not have much time left.