One of the behaviors that can be observed with people who procrastinate is that they are also reactive… not proactive.1
I will talk about that in another article… but for now I am more interested in another one of the “hidden in plain sight” hidden dynamics is: where, on what you are focusing.
Duality is firmly present, omnipresent, in reality where it concerns you. You either do one thing or another. Even when seemingly you are doing both… because you can only do one thing at a time. Because your attention is like a vector, it can be placed on one thing at a time.
You can either be defensive or offensive.
And you are, in your behavior either one or the other… And your mood, your life experience, your results follow as surely as night follows day.
It is also follows, that you either live out of fear or out of adventure.
And this is the point of this article.
What triggered is this sequence of sentence from How Rich People Think:
* Rich people focus on earning, not saving
* They believe leverage creates wealth, not hard work
* Know that money is earned from thought, not hard labor
* Never worry about running out of money, and instead think about
how to make more (this, by the way, is a BIG one)
* Don’t see money with emotion, but logic
* Realize they are in control of their wealth, not luck or fate
* Aren’t waiting for someone (like a politician) to “rescue” them
* Are action takers (as opposed to having a “lottery” mindset)
* Are not stressed by money, but actually get peace from it
Now, whether this is true or not, is an important question. Also whether your goal in life is to become rich, or to live a meaningful life, or to make a difference, or have good relationships, or have status in life, significance…
But I can tell you one thing for sure: the experience of living, the experience of life is dramatically different when your effort is on the “gaining” side of life, or said in another way: on the adventure side.
Almost every student I have leans towards the scarcity, the fear side of life… Why? I have a guess, and I have had that guess for at least 30 years: the ones on the adventure side, the gain side, the abundance side are out there, doing stuff. They may be bloodying up their noses, struggling with setbacks, dealing with disappointments, but they are doing it.
And what about my students who lean towards scarcity, towards fear?
The main issue there, I say, is not fear, but self-image. The Precious “I” these people are trying to protect.
Everyone has a precious “I”, and their precious “I” has a tendency to hold them back. But, depending on the size that Precious “I” occupies in their cone of vision, how much they say life is about them, will tell you how often and to what degree they live in the prison of that precious “I”, and how far they can swim away from that one person inhabited island.
I measure, I take a snapshot of a person when I measure their starting point measurements. The higher the “about-me” number is, the less chance the person has to choose growth, adventure, action, and joy.
The number changes with a lot of factors, mostly with the environment you place yourself in.
One of the ten memes that can change your life, where it says: Go where you are celebrated, not where you are tolerated” is maybe the hardest one to implement.
Your birth family, your wife’s family, your tribe is the least willing to celebrate you, and therefore are the most detrimental to your life. They ground you, like you can ground an airplane… no flying. Crab bucket.
Your vibration is intimately connected to this circumstance.
High vibration means freedom, the spirit flying. Impossible in the environment where you are only tolerated at best.
I have many, painfully many examples, how students who managed to get themselves into a respectable vibration, dropped like stones around holidays or vacations, when they spent time with their birth family.
The important aspect of flying is: unless you ongoingly generate it, you stop flying. And unless the environment you create is favorable for flying: you won’t fly.
Marriage, occasionally will allow you to fly… as long as you keep the spouse’s self-interest in you flying, alive. Not easy, but possible. It is a communication issue.
I’ve had a student whose wife was supportive. But…
At some point the student felt that he got all he needed, and the result was bagged, so to say. And he said so. His saying so was a communication that killed his advancements.
He canceled his coaching with me, thus his training wheels came off, and he promptly fell over.
What is stronger, your cowardice or your desire for life, for growth, for self-expression?
This guy is pretty extraordinary… if you ask me. If you ask him… he doesn’t think so… But… he noticed and admitted his mistake.
He is now building a stronger foundation, (proactive) so he can go out on his own, and do his thing.
This second time around he is now participating in the Playground.
In the Playground we have one goal and one goal only. I am teaching nothing… I am cutting, I am snipping the ties that ground you.
All fearful behavior comes from incidents, and from decisions you made from those incidents.
Something happened, and you made a decision. It is totally human to do that, and it is always detrimental… You say: I will NEVER put myself in a position to experience THIS again… The THIS is highly relevant. Everyone has one maybe two of those… unloved, unimportant, insignificant, unheard, unappreciated etc. whatever the resulting feeling was of the incident.
This is the number one killer of ambition, the number one killer of aliveness, the number one killer of action.
Each incident, and you have a string of incidents where you felt the exact same way, each incident ties you down, and ground your spirit.
These incidents will keep happening, leaving you justified to not do that thing, unless…
That “unless” is what the Playground is about. It goes through all your incidents, looking at them through different vantage points, all out side of your precious “I”… if you do the work right.
As long as you keep looking at something from the same vantage point, it will remain the same.
It will continue to feel personal, hurtful, true, unfair, blah blah blah. And maybe it was all that… what it wasn’t is personal.
It is always possible to look at hurt from the perpetrator’s point of view, or a third… outside point of view and get more of what happened, and thus snip the tie down of your vessel from the ground.
It takes one successful processing of just one incident, to be on the path… Once you get the hang of it, the reality of it, that things are NEVER personal, not intellectually, but through direct experience, through perceptions, through your eyes, it becomes a whole lot easier.
The more incidents you go through, the more you release the trapped energy in the incident, the energy that ties you to fear and scarcity.
Every time you manage to take yourself out of the picture, or as it goes in the Playground, the movie, you reduce the size of the precious “I” in your cone of vision. The precious “I” that you have been protecting.
If you hate yourself… and most people do, this is the process that takes you to a place where you can actually love yourself and love your life. Really.
All the simplistic mind-based solutions so-called psychologists suggest are b.s.
Don’t work, can’t work… Occam’s razor says that the less assumptions you need for a solution to produce the result, the more likely it will work. Obviously I have paraphrased what Occam said: he said: “Entities should not be multiplied without necessity.”
The “entities” that are multiplied, the false assumption of psychologists, philosophers, the Buddha, even “Jesus” is that the mind is an important thing, and that you can change your mind.
I have literally never seen proof to that… It is as if someone said: change your computer by changing your hard drive…
Oh well, even if 8 billion people agree, it is still wrong if it doesn’t, cannot be proven accurate.
What we are changing in the Playground is NOT your mind, not what you think, it is much much deeper than that. We are changing the wiring, the muscle memory that has NOTHING to do with the mind.
I always look at myself when I want to prove the point: I automatically always thing that I cannot do something. That is mind. And without saying anything different, then I go and do it. All the while I repeat in my head: I can’t do it… while I am doing it.
Mind… Hey, stupid as the stupid does…
I watched another TED talk yesterday… a PhD said b.s. like that… an executive coach…
The talk had one value: it showed the physical manifestation of incoherence resulting from your desire to protect your precious “I”.