- W.T. Purkiser
Most people claim that they want to change their lives... because truthfully, how it is now, is not much fun.
Only a tiny fragment of them will be willing.
What is the reason?
One reason is that they are lying. Habitually. And maybe, just maybe, they don't even know it.
- I remember the times when I had no idea what I liked and what I didn't like.
- I remember when the only way I knew I was hungry is because I found myself eating.
- I remember when I didn't know I had to go to the bathroom until I found myself there. 1
So ultimately you know what you like, what you want, who you are only from your actions. Not from what you say.
Your level of integrity is the level to which the two match. The highest I have ever measured in my readership is 10%.
Most of it is unconscious. The only thing remaining conscious to the degree you hate yourself. Because unless you love yourself, you hate yourself... and you hate your life.
So, if you are a student of mine, if you learn from me that the problem is you not acting on what you want and need... instead you act on something else... Ultimately you are always in some action, you never do nothing...
So unless you bring your word and your action in harmony, into alignment, you'll hate yourself and hate your life.
But... and this is what I want to write about today, all behavior has a cause, overt or hidden, but there is always a cause.
Most causes is because you choose something... instead of something else. Or you don't choose something when there is only one choice to make... that one.
In Human Design, the deviation is expressed in the strategy, in Kabbalah, in the Soul Correction.
Both are behavioral, and both are the result of 1. not knowing how you should behave, 2. having serious immediate payoffs in the form of self-image that pull you off the path.
In Transactional Analysis, yet another modality, these self-image payoffs are called strokes...
We all need strokes to be well. But the strokes that pull you off the path are strokes you extort from others by some specific behavior that is not obvious, is not easy to see, and is sinister. Desire to receive for the self alone.
This is the point in your growth where the rubber hits the road.
If you are willing to own the way you go for strokes, you'll grow. If you are unwilling, then you go back to your miserable life, you go back to hating yourself.
Why is that? Because the way you look for strokes, the way you extort strokes, exposes your soft underbelly... to yourself, makes you feel vulnerable, and force you to make a choice.
You have been getting and expecting all the goodies through the extortion. Not through virtues, not through good work... no, through the extortion.
Now you need to choose to get virtues, and do good work... or go back to misery.
I have noticed that some get disgusted by their own behavior... and that gives them enough energy to choose to work for a good life... I belong to this group. Disgust is a huge energy source for me.
You don't get disgusted, unless you have some values in your life... disgust happens only in comparison.
It's not hate, it's not dislike, it is not regret, sadness, it is the same feeling that makes you want to vomit.
To feel disgusted by something that is ugly, distasteful, cruel, evil is a capacity. A capacity in your DNA, that can be active, or inactive.
I just measured my Playground students, and a full half of them don't have the capacity to be disgusted, and therefore there is no energy there to take them to the path to live their lives, to behave.
Mortifies is not the same reaction either: mortified looks at your image in the world... not what YOU find disgusting, but what you think others will find disgusting.
Finding another's behavior disgusting isn't the same either: unless you can get disgusted with your own behavior, you'll never change it.
And obviously, if you look around, most people don't.
I have only seen one "public figure" get there... and it immediately changed his vibration, and the quality of his life.
What a journey... I wonder if I can get those five in any way...
- as an empath and a clairsensar, I have always felt other people's feelings stronger than my own, so much stronger that my feelings, my own feelings are drowned out by the feelings I get from others