What does it take to communicate? Not just talk?

What separates humans from other species, yes even from the dolphins, is language. But dolphins do communicate! WTF?

So we have language. Language that hasn’t evolved, let’s say, for tens of thousands of years.

Language is the visible tool of communication.

We have language. And yet we know nothing about communicating. Yes, we talk. Talk a lot. But we don’t communicate.

What is missing for communication to happen is in the invisible.

JFK had it…

Had someone else said the same famous words nothing would have happened… no communication.

I even see people call The Communication Course, communications course… Communications. Plural.

What does that tell me? That they don’t even think that there is such a thing as communication, only instances of it.

But, unfortunately for humanity, all the communications put together don’t add up to ‘Communication… the power to create, the power of word’.

Communication is not the same as talking, even though speaking, words, are part of communication. But there is more to communication than just words.

The most powerful people on the planet are salespeople. Why?

Because you cannot sell without effective communication.

Sales people create… if nothing else, a vision. And then the vision creates the sale.

What are you selling? Stuff? No, not at all.

What you sell is an idea. A vision.

You can be a politician, a copywriter, a CEO, a teacher, a parent, a leader…

You ‘sell’ ideas, ideas that make others do what you want them to do. The ideas. The vision makes them want to do what you want them to do.

That is, in essence, communication. The creating an idea, a vision in another.

Your target can be other people, or your target can be yourself.

Your biggest source of grief is that no one, including yourself, aren’t doing what you ask them to do, expect them to do, so you feel powerless.

You’ve never taken, you never take the time to get into the other’s world… and you can’t create a vision from the outside… only from the inside.

Examples of no communication:

  1. The accountant tells their clients to provide the receipts, bills, the numbers so they can do their reports to the government in a timely matter.

They think that the telling them is going to be enough… But it isn’t. Because there is no communication involved, only telling, this no compliance with the request happens often enough to drive an accountant to despair. I know, I have had enough clients who are accountants.

2. An employee is groomed to take over the whole business. Now he has the whole business dumped on them in addition to his traditional job. All the roles, all the responsibility, without an increase in salary. Without an increase of abilities.

Not a moment of respite… not even at home… The employee gets sick… He tells his boss, the owner, that he needs to recover. What happens? Nothing. Not a thing. Somebody said something, and nothing happened. There was NO communication.

  • 3. You tell your child to do their homework, but they don’t…
  • 4. You tell your husband your opinion about some political this or that… and get dismissed.
  • 5. And you talk and talk and talk some more… all that talking and nothing happens.

6. Or here is an extreme case: you take a communication course. You take it three times because you really really really want to learn the words, the moves. And… nothing changes. WTF happened?

Communication is not in the words. Communication is not the tone of voice either, you talking authoritatively, as I used to think. It is also not DOING, although you are doing something.

Communication is in the domain of beingness.

The level of beingness of what we’ve been calling communication is on the level of homo sapiens: lots of ineffective talk.

Communication’s job is to create, at least for the moment, an elevation of consciousness, vision, vibration of both the speaker and the intended recipient of the communication.

Dog and horse whisperers communicate with their charge, because they elevate them to their highest level of beingness.

Did you notice that there are no cat whisperers? Cats are not willing… But dogs and horses have a deep desire to serve, to connect, and that is why you can whisper effectively to them.

Communication connects to the higher self that wants to do good things, that wants to be aligned with life that wants more life for everyone and everything.

JFK was a real communicator.

His inaugural speech, his speech to congress about putting a man on the moon are proof. That he was assassinated is also proof.

He was dangerous because of his ability to communicate. Because of his worldview. He had the ability to raise the consciousness of others so they wanted to do what he asked them to do.

And of course the ‘cats’ of America weren’t, aren’t willing. Remember, you can’t cat-whisper…

Unless you take the time to get into people’s world, so you can connect to them, your intended communication will just be words, talking, and ultimately missing the mark.

Your vibration number shows your level of desire to align yourself, your actions, your words with Life. The degree you want more life for everyone and everything. Or said another way, your vibration is low when you are all about what you want for yourself, and don’t want for others.

The easiest to understand score is your about-me score: the higher it is the less you will communicate, whether you are the speaker or the listener.

I can also measure your vibration with measuring to what degree you are cause. To what degree you cause your life, your attitude, your actions, your speaking… your listening… At low vibration you an effect: it is happening to you.

If you want to be an effective communicator

Before you can effectively communicate to others, before your word can alter their reality, you need to attend to your own beingness. You need to connect to yourself. Unless you do, there will be no communication.

In the Playground, I attempted to teach the participants a method to provide themselves with what is missing for them in life…

If you are not for you, who is for you? Asked Hillel the elder 2400 years ago.

It didn’t connect to the students… No one understood what they were supposed to do.

What Hillel never said but meant: unless you can master communication, unless you have the patience and the caring to connect to yourself, you cannot give yourself what you need. You can force stuff on yourself, but it isn’t what you needed.

You don’t know what you need until you connect to yourself.

I woke up early this morning. Listened to the birds chirruping and was annoyed by it. I asked myself some questions… asking is the tool of connection, by the way. 

It’s Saturday, I have no appointments scheduled. 

I thought: maybe I go out and walk. Enjoy the lush greenery. Then I realized that I pretty much can’t walk. 

So I asked a ‘weird’ question: if you had a car and could go wherever, would you still want to die?

And to my utter surprise, my answer was: ‘no, I wouldn’t.’

I didn’t know that… Now that I know what I’d need: the question is: how to give it to myself…

Hillel would be proud of me.

One of my students is poorly, healthwise. He needs rest to get well. He saw the wisdom in the Hillel sentence, and he thinks he needs to give rest to himself. But it’s not working: his health continues to deteriorate.

Why? Because he doesn’t really know what he needs… He never connected to himself.

What you need may not be what you think you need.

Years ago I did a health seminar with Landmark. There was in that 10-week seminar one sentence that rang true. It said: ‘rest consciously’.


To be able to fall asleep I have to, consciously, relax my muscles, especially my facial muscles, my jaw, relax my attention. It’s easy to do when I sit at my computer. But in bed? Hell, many nights it takes more than I’ve got… Many nights.

And so is with most things you want to communicate to yourself.

In the Playground, I was teaching how to cause something over there… for ourselves.

My method is this: You stand in front of the mirror, connect to the person in the mirror, and communicate what you want them to get. And you do it until you get that they got it.

I did this the first time some 35 years ago. I was unemployed and desperate to get a job. My vibration was 100 at the time, my about-me number: 70% and I definitely lived like an effect.

My coach suggested that I invent myself hire-able.

I decided that being brilliant and a contribution would do the trick. Then the coach suggested that I become that. He suggested that I stand in front of the mirror and communicate to cause the person in the mirror to become that.

It took me all night. Nine hours. But I became that. My vibration that night rose 70 points, and my about-me number dropped to 10%.

Even though brilliant and a contribution wouldn’t be the words I would suggest today, because they weren’t a perfect match to what was really missing for me, the ITCH. But the process worked for me famously. It started my journey, my spiritual journey towards allowing the spirit to fly.

Was it the ‘brilliant and contribution’ bit? No, I think having spend nine hours to get into the person’s world and create a vision there did it.

It was a the first time I left the state of ‘effect’ consciously and I saw that I could live there full time.

The Spirit wants only that there be flying. As to who happens to do it, She has only a passing interest. ~Rilke

It is not your circumstances that don’t allow the spirit to fly. It is you.

When you love yourself, the Angel (spirit) within you is allowed to awaken (fly).

Love is not a feeling. Love is communication. When I say I love you, I am communicating that I accept you exactly the way you are and exactly the way you aren’t.

I am not condoning your abominable behavior, I am accepting. I see that that is not who you are, that is how you behave.

When you want to grow, the first step is to eliminate anything to fix. Anything that seems wrong. You cannot accept wrong. So if you think there is ANYTHING wrong with you, you cannot love yourself. You can merely tolerate yourself.

And you cannot grow. You cannot fix and grow at the same time.

So you need to look at yourself in reality. In reality nothing is wrong. Not how you look, not how you feel, not how you act. It is just how you look, how you feel, how you act. Nothing wrong, nothing to fix.

If you truly get there, you can start growing.

Every time something wrong sneaks in, you need to get back into reality where there is nothing wrong.

If you have to do it a thousand times a day in the beginning, it is worth it.

Because Life wants more life… and when you are not growing, you cannot love yourself. You cannot have integrity, You cannot enjoy living. You are already dead.

I am working on getting the Communication Workshop ready for those who want to learn the magic of communication.

If you are one of those: I’ll only make the course available to people who sign up to my ‘pre-course’ list…

I shower them with audios, videos, that I could sell but I want them to have it… so they can be emotionally prepared, so they can be at the same place where I will lead the course from…

So that we can be in each other’s world… where communication can happen.

Let’s get into the same world, you and me

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Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

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