Remorse is the ability to humble oneself and healthily repent for past mistakes ~ Ryan Fan
I read an article yesterday about Scientology children who left the ‘mother ship’.
I am left with just one thing from the article: in Scientology they train you to have no feelings, no expression.
I remember being in a Landmark Education program, years ago, that railed against the 3 R’s… regret, resentment, and I don’t remember the third. But they were wrong.
I have more time nowadays. I have more room for bad feelings too. And I don’t think they shouldn’t be.
I don’t hurry and run away from bad feelings.
Bad feelings are good. Really good. You should take time to hang out with them, and spend some time in their company.
They are cleansing. They are integrity restorer. And they are good for you.
They would be good for you to use them as a guidance system once you take the time to feel them.
One thing I notice in the partner calls in my Playground is that people cheerfully notice ‘desire to receive for the self alone’ in their stories, present or past, and they are OK with them. No regret. No remorse. Chuckle.
Here is what happens if you are OK with being evil… What? evil? Yeah. In reality, the only evil there is is ‘desire to receive for the self alone’.
So when you are OK to be evil, your vibration remains the same, you remain attached to the ‘instruments’ that trample on other people, and you won’t become free.
To be free to be your Self, not the lower self, but the higher self, you need to purge ‘desire to receive for the self alone’… like it’s the scourge. The plague. The infection.
I never promised that you can be happy, joyful, and remain the same. I didn’t. I wouldn’t. That is not how life works.
If you don’t see, of course, that it is evil, then you won’t regret, remorse, or self-recriminate.
If you’ve known me for more than a day, you know I do that… and I am for the better for it.
I don’t self-flagellate, I don’t punish myself. Instead I tell the truth, maybe shed a tear or two, and promise myself not to be that way in the future. And the instances of ‘evil’ are less and less in my life, and my vibration rises steadily.
So when you blame your father for what has befallen you… but you never say that, but actually feel anger and hate against your father for what he did to you… you are not ‘catching’ that it is YOUR evil ‘desire to receive for the self alone’ was and is at the root of your life… and you cannot become better, happier, more productive, as long as it’s there.
I remember my first remorse.
I lived my life, until that point, that my mother didn’t love me and she should have.
But I had two insights:
- I saw that inside the Oedipus complex, I was in love with my father, and was competing with my mother for his affections.
- I saw that if you say ‘you don’t love me’ to someone, they can never prove you that they do… it is impossible. They can say what they want, you will not hear it.
I imagine what it must have been for my mother to be my mother, and I wept. Compassion.
You see, the reason you don’t regret, don’t do remorse, etc, because you don’t want to feel compassion, or you can’t…
You need to have a vibration of 200 to be able to access the cleansing power of compassion. Compassion for the person you slighted in your ‘desire to receive for the self alone’. Cry FOR them, and promise yourself not to be that way any more.
I don’t like the idea of ‘forgiving myself’…
That would indicate guilt: guilt is a sign that you haven’t taken responsibility for what you did… and therefore forgiving yourself means the same.
So don’t forgive yourself, have compassion for yourself: you did what you did. And now that you know what you did, what it was like for the other person or for yourself, have compassion for yourself and them.
You hoped that I would suggest that you forgive the OTHER person? That would mean that they did something to you.
No one can do anything to you… only you can do something to yourself.
People who constantly apologize are buying, trying to buy permission to do what they did, again and again.
I have students like that. The more you apologize, the less you change… you think doing evil plus an apology equals doing good.
It doesn’t work that way.
I even suspect that when a person apologizes, they didn’t take the time and the humility to actually look at what they did.
Apologizing is a strategy to avoid taking responsibility… and remain the same, do it again and again and again.
Transformational, soul-work is like a double edged sword: If you do the work, if you take responsibility for what belongs to you, then the second edge won’t cut you.
But if you don’t… they you are going to be cut and cut and cut… Everywhere in your life. In your relationships, in your health, in your business…
The reason I could climb as high on the Tree of Life as I have, because my willingness to take responsibility, to stop and feel remorse are unparalleled.
Pretty much the only reason.
The Start Driving your Own Life program is pretty much an introduction to what belongs to you, and what it looks like to take responsibility for that. And what it looks like to do the work, the work that allows you to climb the Tree of Life… aka raise your vibration.
Half of my students, so far, haven’t been willing.
Should I take responsibility for that?
No, it doesn’t belong to me. It belongs to them.
What belongs to me is what I do… explain, demonstrate, coach… the results belong to the student.
What I have been doing is inventing new and new ways to present the distinctions… so even the most determined person can see their ‘evil’ ways, and change them.
Obviously I haven’t succeeded much at that.
There is a Hungarian saying: you can’t get bacon from a dog. The English saying is: you can’t teach pigs to fly. They will never fly, but they surely resent you for it.
Muscletest says that every single student of mine CAN take responsibility, but they are not all willing.
Students whose muscletest said they cannot take responsibility, aren’t students any more.
So I keep at it… but I am running out of ways to teach.
In the ‘Start to drive your own life‘ workshop I pulled it all together into a clear, and concise methodology.
I had never done that… This was a first… and maybe the last.
Who knows, I have been dizzy all day, holding onto furniture to walk, who knows how much longer I’ll live.
The recordings are as valuable as the course itself… you’ll have a full overview of the ‘trip’ of climbing the Tree of Life… The methodology.
And when you see it, you can choose if you are up for it or if you choose your sorry life.
In another article I ask the question: If it were the end of times, would you be WORTH saving?
And because the end of times is coming, probably within your lifetime, although not mine, you now have a choice.
One of my students, in the past two weeks, crossed the line and now they are one of the few millions who are worth saving.
Check out the Start Driving Your Own Life course
let me write an article about clarifying… I don’t want to answer this in a comment
In this article you state that “no one can do anything to you , only you can do something to yourself.”
I am having trouble comprehending this. For instance did the Jewish people do what the Nazis did to them, to themselves? What about a child who has as a parent a malicious narcissist who is incapable of relating other than in a way that is hateful and abusive, was this something the child did to herself? Or other instances such as non-consensual rape or torture, or murder (of you or someone you love )? —- So following the logic of this statement, these things were all done by the victim to the victim, and not by the perpetrator? In other words you can be a victim of yourself only? Maybe I am not understanding the context in which you mean this statement. These are some examples that come to mind, when I begin to attempt to comprehend this, unsuccessfully.
Thank you