Yesterday in the growth workshop I decided to look at my relationship to money. I have been trying to crack this tough nut for many years: in every business I have had everyone said I was sitting on a big mountain of money… but not actualizing much of it. 🙁
So I set out to work on money… Asking: how come I don’t make as much money as I could… with what I have…
Of course I am the course leader, so I don’t have time to deal with my own sh-it, but now it is on the sheet… documented, and the table.
After the webinar I did some busy work, watched some old private eye show… went to bed, and fell asleep. I didn’t even want to do the healing work I was supposed to do… it seemed every fiber of my being wanted to not be conscious… sleep, blessed sleep.
At 2 am I woke up to feverish activity in the mind… it was so feverish and so insistent, I couldn’t go back to sleep, so I got up, got dressed. I made a cup of tea, sat down, and pondered.
I could hear a faint voice in my head, no, in my body: I can’t handle it.
Anything you do, anything you feel, all behavior, all emotions come from some words. Hearing the words is the key to get the actions conscious, to get the behavior conscious.
The voice I heard, ‘I can’t handle it’ explains almost everything in my life.
When who you are ‘I can’t handle it’, the way you avoid having to handle it is to avoid doing it altogether. I have been avoiding writing ‘real’ sales letters,… the way you make real money. No sales letter = no real money, or just a little bit. Alms.
Why not just do it? It is hard, and it needs my weakest capacity… as a dyslexic person I have a wicked hard time to organize stuff, put them in order, have a sequence. And that, a sequence is the heart of a sales letter.
I have a hard time seeing what to say when… But hard time doesn’t mean I can’t…
I can, probably, although I haven’t even tried in years.
I have been avoiding the unpleasant feeling about myself, the feeling that I am somehow defective.
Here it is… the tears are starting.
Yeah… the unpleasantness from the world is much easier to handle than the unpleasantness of facing the inner tiger, the idea that somehow you are not perfect, that you are somehow defective.
This was an insight. Insights are a dime a dozen.
Now, having an insight is fine and dandy… but it will make no difference unless I create a breakthrough form it first, and a new habit next.
In the workshop everyone I said that embracing how you are is the key to being able to have the rest of life to be different. Whether it is in relationships or in results; it is immaterial: if you can embrace the imperfection then you can go beyond.
So embracing says that I should be the way I am… exactly the way I am…
…and start there… dyslexic, afraid of complexity, afraid of structuring pieces… Good. That is the way I am… and I should be that way, because that is how I am.
Maybe I should put together a sales letter, mine or someone else… it’s immaterial. Just to see that I can organize the building blocks in the required format… and I won’t die.
And when I am done with that, I might want to commit to do this regularly. Hm. Exactly the way I am training my body to obey my will… climbing up and down the hill where I live, in spite of the pain in my calves… There I have already proven that I can handle it.
OK, this is five hours later…
After getting what I needed to get, what my Self didn’t allow me to miss, so it woke me up, I slept restfully, the way I haven’t slept in a long time.
The inner struggle of needing to be either shameful of how I am, or needing to be different stopped for a little bit.
If I act on this newfound knowledge, this insight, then hopefully this inner peace will stay, and I will bring ‘I can handle anything’ to the tasks I have been refusing to handle literally all my life, and get those hard tasks done.
What will happen with my money is now no longer an issue: but if I were a betting woman, I would bet that I’ll make more money.
I am outcome independent… I recommend that you don’t watch the pot either or it will never boil.
I am noticing that I’d like to make more money. There are some things I have been unable to do until now… for lack of money.
I don’t want to fall into the desire trap by imagining the life more money would give me. It is not a productive avenue… I’d rather commit to use the money well when it comes.
We’ll cross that bridge when we get there
Now, the question you should ask is this:
It all depends.
Depends on what, Sophie?
On many things, but maybe most importantly on your ability to change. And that depends on whether the Flexibility capacity is open for you or not.
If it is, then I dare say: this methodology will work for you out of the gate.
Why do you need flexibility?
- Because to move, to change your mind about you and about the world, you need to be willing to stand on nothing, to not know who you are, to be willing to completely upset the foundation of your life.
- To think differently, to do differently, to gently turn this life of you around.
People in my growth course were inspired by the sentence we invented for them, but it is not the sentence that will change them, it is the actions that are consistent with this sentence that will.
And taking actions that are unfamiliar, feel dangerous, need a little bit of flexibility at least.
On another note: if you ever wanted to benefit from the extraordinarily strong energy of beginning, tonight and the next day the sky will be open, and the energy is all about re-start, beginning, and if you activate your Flexibility capacity now, chances that it will impact your DNA more than on any other day is a 100-fold.
I measured the capacity for the people who have paid to have the capacity turned on, and the number varies between 1 and 10 percent.
My hunch is that the 24 hours of Rosh Hashanah, starting at sundown tonight, ending at sundown tomorrow, you can have your capacity up to 20 maybe even 30%.
Already 20%, if you can hold onto it, can help you turn yourself and your life around more effectively than you thought you could given your track record.
Ask me to activate flexibility…
I will send you the energy during the 24 hour period for biggest impact.