I am seeing something that, of course, I am not alone with. I am soo proud of what I know… but, of course, in life the only thing that matters is what you do. What you actually do. Not what you can do, not what you plan on doing, but what you do.
In games, at work, in your growth… Bummer.
I know so much… but it is all mind candy, unless what I do comes from that knowledge.
Some more than 50 years ago… yeah, I know, most people weren’t even born yet, I had a chance to learn this, but I didn’t.
Budapest, 1969. I was sitting in the department head’s office with two other students. Architecture school. Structural calculations exam…. called Statika in Hungarian.
I was given an assignment of designing and calculating an arch built of dominoes (Dominoes is a family of tile-based games played with rectangular “domino” tiles. Each domino is a rectangular tile with a line dividing its face into two square ends. Each end is marked with a number of spots or is blank.)
I was, just like today, a big-mouth, and I said that I only asked a question, and he didn’t have to tell me the whole solution… He was angry, but was willing to play ball.
He said: I give you a new assignment. If you can’t solve it in two minutes, I really fail you.
He gave me the assignment, and to everyone’s surprise, especially mine, it took me 20 seconds to see the solutions, so he didn’t fail me.
I have felt bad about this all these 50 odd years. I could have been gleeful, but I haven’t been. I cheated. Because, in all honesty, I had no idea how to solve the first assignment, not a clue.
And I have had this impostor syndrome all my life: I am fully shit, but others don’t know it. Not pleasant.
I am sure I am not alone with it.
The ultimate issue is where you look to gauge your self-worth. Are you looking at how you feel about yourself, or are you looking at your results… i.e. what you did?
People protect their self-image that tells them their self-worth. They protect it so much that they won’t ever do anything that challenges their self-image.
This is why we have a humanity whose collective self-image/self-worth is high, but real worth is very very very low.
I measure this gap between the two in your Starting Point Measurements. I call it the bridge… it comes from my least favorite soul correction people, ‘Building Bridges’ whose claim to fame is sky high ego, normal or below normal value activity.
Quite insufferable, to me.
I must see something of me reflected there… just enough for me to be disgusted.
Cowardly, bombastic, self-aggrandizing, intolerable to disagreement… but the most important element for this true empath is the gap, the unbridged gap that I can feel, that they can feel.
I have never seen a happy ‘building bridges’ person: they feel that they are full of sh*t.
Boasting doesn’t irk me. Hm.
It is the gap… the disharmony, the inauthenticity that irks me.
My own teachers, both, are a Building Bridges person. I can learn from them, but I need to make sure I have a bridge… instead of a gaping gap like they do.
Knowing, intimately, the inner dynamics of people, the invisible strata of reality, as far as people are concerned gives you power.
Not power over other people, but over your own reactions to what they do, how they behave, what and how they say.
I can learn from both guys, even though some of what they do doesn’t fit my picture of how to do things. I actually, I say, learn better and faster, because I don’t have to take anything personally from them… because it is always about them, and never about me.
We talk a lot about your about-me score that is at the root of getting offended, feeling attacked, and taking defeat poorly. Being a poor loser or any situation.
It is, if I get my way, going to be our next challenge.
What is a challenge? It is a month long ‘program’ where everyone takes on the same assignment and attempts to accomplish it.
It is, of course, an inner thing… an inside job.
It’s free, although it could cost hundreds of dollars.. but it’s free.
It accomplishes two things: I get data for my work, and you may accomplish something with my guidance that is impossible for you without it.
I need you to get on my mobile app, and listen to yesterday’s call.
Not on my mobile app? You need a smartphone that is at max a few years old. I have an iphone 8… and it works.
How do you get on? You text your email to the phone number +1 315-509-2888. Expect a return text that tells you what to do next.
If you wish, you can pay $20 for the audio… the payment link is below. But if you have the app… you don’t have to pay a dime.
Get your Office Hour call recording