I have been depressed about half of my life. Sometimes depression lasted weeks, days, sometimes it lasted years.
There is depression that is caused by some disappointment, tragedy, loss. If I remember correctly, that is called ‘Major Depression’.
The kind of depression I deal with sneaks up on you like a morning fog, and you don’t really notice it until you can’t see past your nose.
It is a sense of hopelessness.
Some people with a depression issue have manic periods, I don’t.
I have periods of less hopelessness, and more hopelessness.
I talk to Source all the time, and this is one of the ‘tools’ I use to avoid going too deep, but it seems, this time I asked the wrong thing. What I asked ‘Am I depressed?’ No. Instead I should have asked ‘Am I getting depressed?’
The two signs I can recognize are 1. I get up or wake up as usual, but feel like staying in bed an hour longer. 2. I don’t feel like caring about my hygiene or about my housekeeping chores.
In the olden days I used to use the sleep deprivation method to pull myself from deep depression. Even just staying awake for 36 hour period can cure a hopelessly depressed person. When I lived in Israel back in the early 80’s I provided this service to friends who were depressed.
But in the past 30 years, when full depression isn’t a viable option: I need to make a living, or else, I have learned to recognize the signs of slipping, and immediately turn the chemicals around in the brain.
I never bothered to understand how exactly the three brain chemicals work… I am satisfied to be able to manipulate them without knowing. Often knowing makes one self-satisfied and yet incompetent at changing anything. Unable to change anything.
In my work I meet people like that. People who know a lot (maybe) but you wouldn’t guess by how they live, how they manage their lives. They can’t see that how they look, how they experience things is run by something other than their consciousness.
I like to experiment, but some experiments bring up feelings I’d rather not experience.
I have a virtual class reunion today… in about an hour.
I am experiencing my intelligence dropping… Emotions up, intelligence down… is the way it works.
I left Hungary to leave antisemitism.
And truth be told, I didn’t, haven’t experienced it in the past 38 years… until this morning.
It went into my spam folder, and found an email from an high school class mate of mine, who was from an antisemitic family. His brother beat me up, broke my nose. His father was a Nazi. And his email was hurtful…
And now I am afraid. He can’t do anything to me, he is at least three thousand miles from me, and yet, the fear is almost completely disabling my brain.
Once you distinguish, with laser focus, what is ailing you, you can own name it and claim it…
When you claim it, you declare dominion over it, you are really saying: this is mine. Not like I am the victim, but like you are the cause.
Just from this morning: as soon as I distinguished that I am depressed, some of my power returned. Then as soon I distinguished that an old and unjustifiable fear returned, all of my power returned.
You probably have to work a few minutes longer so you can claim what you named.
I had a conversation yesterday with a student of mine who isn’t doing well. He has never claimed his fear, he has never claimed his opinion of himself that he is not a match to life.
So he has always expected some relief from some circumstance, or some person… like me.
Power, borrowed, is not yours. You want to activate your own power, and start living your life with power.
If you experience yourself powerless, distinguish it, name it and claim it.
If it doesn’t, there is something more is hidden in the works.
In this weekend I am running two short workshops, the 3-wishes workshop (Saturday at 4 pm) and the Amish Horse Training Live (Sunday at 2 pm)…
On Saturday you’ll discover your most frequent source of powerlessness… and you’ll know, thereafter, what to name and claim when depression, defeat, resignation hits.
On Sunday we go a step further and look what else your mind is telling you.
Get the transformational weekend