How can you restore yourself to wellness? You don’t even know why you are not able to take care of yourself…
Your integrity is out… your sensitive conscience will not let you be well until you set things right.
We do things, little or big, that hurt others, hurt us. And then we expect to have a great life. Not possible.
But certain symptoms start happening. You can’t concentrate, or you can’t sleep well, peacefully. Or you don’t do what you know you must, you procrastinate.
To get out of the deep hole you inequities put you, you need to start taking small steps to restore your integrity, to restore your wholeness.
You can’t love yourself, when your integrity is out, and you can’t love your life when you don’t love yourself.
It is a downward spiral like the tread of the screw, every turn of the screw takes you deeper and deeper into the mire.
And just like it’s taken you to go deep into out of integrity, guilty conscience, it will take many steps to get back to integrity.
Depending on the “original sin” you may have two different orders in which you restore your wholeness and self-love.
Often (maybe ever) there is nothing that you can do about the “original sin”, it is done, and there is no way to change it. Criminals can tell you, that no amount of incarceration, no amount of forgiveness from the hurt party or their family sets you free.
Your descent began with a crime, or some other action that harmed another, 1 here are the first steps to take:
- Find the “original sin.” for me it is normally gossiping, talking about another person, but it this case, when I asked myself: what did I do that damaged another person? the answer was there, immediately. I muscle tested to make sure, it was firing my brother.
- Completely and wholly own the action you took. Remove all “because” statements, and be the cause fully.
Example: I fired my brother who worked for me for a few years as a virtual assistant. I took him on because he needed work, he needed the money, and because of his age and health could not find employment.
His skills, his attitude were not a match for my business, so for five years I invented work for him to do, work that was largely useless for me. So I paid with money, and paid with my time, year after year.
In the last year I really needed help, and I forgot that he wasn’t capably of good work. I gave him work that I actually needed done, and that’s when the sh– hit the fan: he messed it up, publicly, and I lost accounts, I lost money, I lost face. I fired him, knowing full well, that he may become homeless, destitute.
I still haven’t taken full responsibility that I fired him because I fired him. I decided to pull back and take care of myself instead of him. I didn’t even talk to him, until he begged me… and even then, just once, to tell him that he was fired.
We haven’t talked since. Four months.
So, how do I complete this with myself, so I can start coming up again?
- tell the truth that I never let him know, for five years or so, that he didn’t do good work and that I carried him like a burden. That I found it easier to dump work on him than to be a friend to him and help him become a man that can make a living. I have given up on him way before I fired him.
- Feel the pain I caused, feel the shame, feel the guilt, feel the horror of looking into the mirror and see the person I was… am? Haughty? Uncaring? Cruel? Unloving?
- Start allowing tenderness and love to well up, once the hardness melts away.
- Once your heart is open, see what you want to do… In my case, start restoring the brother-sister relationship.
- Forgive yourself. Your inequities are already forgiven by All-of-it, but you can’t really let it in, as long as you live like you need to earn to be loved by All-of it. The Unconditional Love Activator is the only tool I know that does that…
Activators need to be maintained, so I will need to play the “Unclove Long Range” the newest and easiest version of the Unconditional Love Activator to help me through this hardest part, forgiving myself.
- Make an inventory of all the ways you have been paying for your “sin” (punishing yourself). Eating the wrong stuff, drinking, cursing, sleeping too long, sleeping too little, self-sabotage, getting fat, not exercising, watching too much TV, neglecting your personal hygiene, neglecting your chores in the house, etc. etc. etc.
- Start taking care of you again, slow but steady.
How long it’s going to take? It will take about half the time that it took to go as deep as you’ve gone, but you’ll see the results almost instantly, after step 2 or 3.
It is best to write this down, and create a checklist. If you don’t do all the steps, you’ll find yourself going backwards…
I teach that there is nothing instant, and this process is not an exception. Life is a process, and even death is not an instant… so buckle up and get working. It’s worth it.
Also: in the part where you tell the truth to yourself, go deeper than the surface. The surface is what you justify, but the deeper layers cannot be really justified: they are just pure evil.
I just had a call with one of my students where I did go deeper, myself, and saw the pure evil in two of my inequities… sigh.
Also: often you can’t really get what you did, until you look at it through another distinction: “perpetration/withhold”. You do something that hurts another. They don’t know it. You start hating them to justify what you did… but it is a smokescreen.
Consider that EVERY TIME you feel justifying anything, you do it because you feel you did something wrong. It should ring the bell, it should be a clue!
- gossip, shaming another, neglect, pushing someone aside so you can go, using another, not paying some bill, owing money, owing a book, breaking someone’s stuff, etc. etc. etc. It can be big or small, the results are all the same.