Of course like with most important things, the words we use are, maybe intentionally, used to confound us, to give us no clarity.
It is useful to separate and distinguish feelings and emotions in that feelings are what you actually feel in your body, emotions are the meaning you gave to those feelings.
Margoczi, a Hungarian author, says that emotions are wholly and fully created by words. This is useful to consider, even if this is not exactly accurate, for the purposes of having a sense of power, a feeling of power, this is very useful.
What may be true is that if the feeling moves…What may be true is that if the feeling moves, then it was not created by words. You can observe animals demonstrate the same affect… affect is the expression of the feeling or emotion. Animals experience joy, sadness, anger, fear, etc. They use those feelings and then the feeling goes away.
Humans tend to fixate the emotion… and this is only possible if the words get stuck… like a gramophone needle
So if what you are experiencing is a stuck emotion, like feeling powerless, feeling small, feeling less than, feeling superior, contempt, glee, hate, schadenfreude… these are stuck emotions created by words.
Upon observing myself, just a few seconds ago, I was reading something a friend of mine published, and I had a strong feeling in my chest and throat that didn’t want to move. It was a combination of feeling less than… sadness, devastation, and grief.
Then in an attempt to make it move, I said: I am curious what was there… and then I heard clearly echoing in my head: and it is always going to be that way.
So I assert and will collect evidence as I can, that when the ’emotion’ gets stuck then there is an always or a never in the words… that cement to misfortune in place.
I have a lot of clients and students who feel and act stuck… and I can almost promise that the underlying reason is that they say ‘always’ or ‘never’ about something.
This friend whose writing I reacted to a few minutes ago, wrote something rich on Quora: She identified the voice as a friend alerting and warning and guiding her to avoid something or to do something… and then the voice lost its disturbing quality.
So, as you see, potentially considering everything as guidance, you can distance yourself from the demanding aspect of feelings, the ‘the tail wags the dog’ aspect, and look at the guidance with sober eyes.
Of course if you are a mama’s boy, or if you are scaredy cat, or if you have no core strength, this won’t work for you. It is mandatory that you become a person to the degree you can. Not pretend to be a person, but actually BE a person.
This gives me the idea that I could measure to what degree you are a person…
What does it mean to be a person?
Autonomy seems to be a requirement: that you are doing things, saying things for reasons of your own, not to please someone, to impress someone, or to earn something. Dignity… A strong self.
So how do you build or strengthen a core, a self?
Like everything, the path is counter-intuitive: distinguishing…
Distinguishing is a way to define something by removing what it isn’t. By its boundaries, not by its content.
If you are one of the people with weak or non-existent self, you’ll notice that you pay attention to the content… who you are being and not who you should be. All content.
So the way to have a sense of self is to look at who you don’t want to be, don’t like to be, would hate to be… from your natural DISGUST or DISTASTE.
These are the most important feelings it is worth our effort observing and discussing: the bad feeling of revulsion, that clearly says ‘no’: they are your tools for distinguishing yourself.
Why is this important to you?
If we can pay attention to the different ‘no’ feelings and allow them to guide us towards the strait and narrow… i.e. the happy family direction, the success direction, the health direction, the ‘love’ direction… and it is possible, then learning to feel and not overreact to these revulsion, disgust, ‘no’ feelings can make a whole more difference than all the ‘yes’ guidance that the world seems to pile up for you, doctors, coaches, articles, books… social sites.
One soul correction makes the people never listen to negative guidance, and they manage to not have any action that would make them be proud to be themselves… Which one? #25 Speak your mind. Memories, #32 is close second… Removing Hatred (#29) is third. (My hunch is that it’s the #2 shared that is the culprit)
I am excited to do this webinar for you. I am also very curious who will show up.
Ultimately the misguiding culture of positivity is going to interfere with your intention to come and get real…
Another area where becoming conversant with the guidance of the distasteful feelings is where you want to become clear who you are… all the behaviors that don’t align with your natural self are going to be clearly delineated by the feelings…
So instead of bad experiences or looking to other people, your feelings will guide you to behaviors that are you and no one else, not what you think others will like you for, reward you for, accept you for… but a behavior you’ll accept yourself for, respect yourself for…
Learn to benefit from bad feelings