If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, does it mean…

dysfunctional familyOK, you… I hope you are waiting with baited breath to read all the things the dysfunctional family did to you… so you finally have an excuse for being the way you are.

A dullard
A never do well
An argumentative little sh!t
A know it all
Sneaky bastard
A User
A Taker
A weakling trying to look strong by throwing your weight around
An abuser (a thing or people)
A follower, a second-hander
A cowardly little sh!t
Entitled slighted angry black hole

Oh, my judgmental (Virgo) self is coming out to have fun here…

Most of what I wrote there is judgment. Goes beyond what I promise and mostly keep: I assess, I don’t judge.

Those statements are probably the things you say to yourself that you are.

They are all judgmental descriptions of behavior. Not helpful.

But you see, if this is what you call yourself, any of these, then you have gone beyond the point where you can interfere and modify.

You can’t modify behavior that you have already judged. Same with emotions.

So let’s look at the underlying action-type behaviors… the ones that you CAN modify.

But before I go there: A dysfunctional family is an environment where you weren’t safe to be yourself.

So we could say that a dysfunctional family passed judgments… dealt with reactions not with facts.

That is, by the way, my opinion for the use of the word ‘dysfunction’. I consider the function of the family to provide a safe protected environment where you can grow straight.

If we translate it to plants, for example, a dysfunctional environment would be where the new little sapling has to grow from under a rock, sideways, crooked.

If you are a parent, or want to be a parent, your own personal dysfunction makes the family dysfunctional.

I grew up in a dysfunctional family.

I got lucky: in 1988 someone suggested that I start attending the ACOA meetings, Adult Children of Alcoholics. They have a long list of characteristics to ‘be an ACOE’, but the most important one is ‘I don’t know what FUN is’. I didn’t.

I started to go. And after four months of twice a week meetings I let go of most of my victim act…

What is this sh!t about fun… WTF?! Everybody knows what fun is! but no. I didn’t know, and most of the people who came to those meetings didn’t know.

Why? Because fun is permission. Permission and safety and openness. And when I looked later, I saw that even to look and see the sky and the clouds, to really see them, is only possible when I have permission, safety, and openness. In the moment.

Now, let’s go back to the judgmental list above… Can you see that none of those behaviors show that the person has permission, safety, and openness?

They either have to prove something, or protect something, or get something that is not allowed… All compensation.

I still, at age 74, live without permission, without safety, and without much openness. That didn’t change. That can’t change.

But because I know, I can influence my inner environment and provide permission, safety and openness to myself… in the moment…

I am weeping as I write it.

What’s underneath all those three not being there is fear. Existential fear. Fear of annihilation.

I grew up crooked… but I don’t need to BE crooked. But it takes work, attention, but most importantly, it takes assessment.

Sober assessment of the crooked urges that need to be managed.

You can’t manage something that you hate… You need to see it… go deeper, go so deep that you are left with understanding, compassion, with what you lacked as a child.

Often you remind me of stray kittens… watch some of those videos on youtube and tell me if I am wrong about you.

We read a lot about bad people… but I don’t think there is such a thing. There is no such thing, only bad behavior resulting from crooked growing conditions.

You can always find the source of the crookedness in early childhood…

I muscletest this 93% true…

I am sure you are not really bad… but unless you are willing to give up your exaggerated self-concern, you can’t even get to the root of the crookedness… and you’ll remain the way you are crooked.

I know, most likely everyone on my mailing list has bought the energies I have for you, the energies that help you peel the ‘onion’ of your being, behavior, and get to the root of things, the fear. Or the self-righteousness… or the stinginess…

Whichever energy is at the root of your crooked behavior rendering you not successful, not fulfilled, and probably not doing anything about it. Find it and identify it… with compassion.

But if I am mistaken and you have been hearing about it but you haven’t gotten it… What are you waiting for? A miracle?

I have a secret for you: the effect of the energies is totally indistinguishable from miracle… and magic.

Arthur C. Clarke said:

      • When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.
      • The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.
      • Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

Until this technology of the homeopathic energies becomes accepted… it will sound to most like magic. Science Fiction.

I am of the mind that I will remove the ability to buy soon. Maybe on Friday?


Get an emotional energy activator
PS: If you are in the Inner Authority course, we’ll talk about the dysfunctional family and your dysfunctional growth… Give it some thought. Come ready to discuss.

PPS: Energies confined to a computer chip won’t do anything. The energies I sell all come from Source… and the only role I have in them to 1. ask for them 2. connect you to them. So the energies are not on the chip, not in the audio file… they come, fresh, from Source every time.

I myself didn’t know this until a long time student asked if he needed to buy a new version of the HOE… that originally had 38 energies and now has 48. So I asked… and the answer was that it is always the up-to-date energy that gets downloaded…

I am working on a course that works on all 202 energies, live, on the call live… It is only for people who want a spectacular turnaround in their behavior and attitude.

I don’t have a name for the course yet… I may just call it 202… I am so creative, right? lol.

Anyway, it’s coming. And likely I’ll recognize some missing energies and they will be included in the 202… as 203, etc… but when someone downloads the 202 energies, they will get the up to date version, no matter when they bought it.

Now, that does sound like magic, doesn’t it?

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

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