One person. Yup. One person. If you can’t make a difference for one person, then you seriously need to overhaul your entire operation, meaning your whole life… and start observing what it is about you and how you do it that leaves people … hm… (note: read the PS about this… please.)
So let’s look at what it means to make a difference, shall we?
I don’t know it exactly either, so we’ll look together. Willing?
OK, it came from Werner Erhard.
Some 30 years ago I heard him say: When you peel a human like an onion, layer by layer, what you’ll find in the core is this desire to make a difference.
If that desire is thwarted, meaning blocked for some force, inside or outside of you, then you have two options:
- to remain a forever child,
- or become a criminal.
OK, I have seen both. But what does ‘making a difference‘ mean?
One guess would be that you live your life feeling powerless. Not that you ARE powerless, but that you feel powerless. So you do moves to make things move.
27s woo you, or try to. They alter their normal voice and make it warm and breezy or sweet…
25s talk in an upbeat manner indicating that they are friendly and happy
23s talk eagerly, as if they die to let you know something
29s, maybe not all but most, will either laugh or gush acknowledgments at you
32s will do what they can to extort a ‘poor baby’ from you.
31s will act confused and clueless to make you want to do for them
The number is the two digit number when you add up the digits of your date of birth… aka your soul correction.
So in this interpretation of making a difference, people try to gain SOME power.
- In another interpretation someone would say: I’ll leave the earth a better place because I was here…
- Yet another interpretation would be: I’ll help another person to be happier… and I’ll get my ticket to heaven that way.
Google search says: making a difference is to cause a change
1. to be important in some way Example: Cost can make a difference in deciding on a college. …
2 : to do something that is important : to do something that helps people or makes the world a better place She says that she got into politics because she wanted to make a difference.
When I look if what I do makes a difference, I look at my intention and my result: and most of the time I find that I didn’t make a difference. I am not accomplishing what I intend to accomplish.
But ‘mileage’ matters.
If and when I go deep and maybe even deeper with people, what I find that their early experience was that what they wanted didn’t matter. What they felt didn’t matter. So THEY didn’t matter.
Thus the forcing, the ‘criminal’ behavior, the ‘forever teenager’ resentment…
When the child genes automatically turn off, as they should, you find that ultimately it is all up to you. EVERYTHING. And you stop expecting and be always disappointed, feel slighted, sulk about not mattering.
YOU don’t matter to anyone, or not really.
There are almost eight billion people on the planet, and you expect to be treated as special. Are you crazy? No, it is the entitlement gene…
But, of course, I have already established that 97% of humans: the child gene didn’t turn off… so they are at age whatever… 40-50-60 they are still angry that they are not getting the attention that they want.
And that makes them miserable. Contemplating to go criminal or ‘forever teenager’… if they haven’t chosen yet.
Common language fostered by the dogooding society, and religion, the meaning ‘make a difference for another person’ is the dominant meaning… but forcing your ‘goodness’ on another IS CRIMINAL.
Now we are cooking!
This is my opinion, not the truth: you want to find how you, with what you’ve got, time, energy, skills, or ‘talent’ can do or build something that is worth a damn.
And get good at something that can help with that.
Most of my clients are busy trying to feel better while doing nothing of that king of building… building something that is worth a damn.
To be eligible for daily coaching, you need to be moving. Moving on something.
You need to be up to something.
Why? Because you can only coach someone who is in action.
The action can be, in the beginning, discovering what your values are, what moves you, what you are good at, etc. But eventually it needs to become something that you are building.
The time can be infinity, but there needs to be a detectable movement towards it.
Or no coaching is available.
Is getting good at using the responsibility questions enough? No, unless you are doing it in a context that leads to something that is measurable…
If you are doing a good job, you’ll see something that you’d love to do, that would be a self-expression for you… and then you’ll be coachable. Coached to achieve that something. But unless you already know that how you have been rendered your goals impossible for you, and that is why you needed, I’ll say again NEEDED the DNA adjustment, I can’t and won’t coach you.
Some examples for non SMR projects (SMR specific measurable result):
I want to increase my self-awareness
I’d like to get out of the ditch
I want to feel better about myself
Nice. I am all for it. But they are not coachable activities. Sorry.
When you ‘apply’ to the HERO program, a 1-on-1 coaching platform where you do what you do only with my guidance/coaching, I’ll send you an email asking you what it is that you want to be coaching. What are you up to? I’ll ask.
Depending on your answer, I’ll accept you or not.
Don’t be offended. It is not a judgment on your character. It is that you are not ready. Yet.
My workshops are excellent to get guidance, pointers, etc. to see what you COULD be up to… And they it is all up to you.
How do I know? When you are not up to anything, everything becomes a personal slight or judgment on you. Everything anyone does or doesn’t do. Says or doesn’t say. Absolutely horrible.
But once you take on that something… it all becomes, OK, most becomes noise. Flapping mouths… blah blah blah… Because your mind is on what you are up to, not on whether people like you, approve of you or not.
Who the f… cares?
Honestly, as long as you care what people think of you, you are living in hell. Hell on earth.
Ask me if I care about you?
My answer is: NO. I don’t. I care about you to the extent you are up to something and I can help you with that.
Do you think I should? Do you think I should care about you? Best question: do you care about me? You don’t…
Anyway, the hero program is accepting application.
Apply to the Hero program
What you pay is 15 times less… but that shouldn’t prevent you from producing something big. I won’t slow you down. Promise.
Parents, for example, think that they make a difference with their kids, but there is no person I have ever met that didn’t complain about their parents. It was and is your parents that didn’t allow the child genes to turn off… and didn’t allow your permission gene, your responsibility gene, and your humility gene to turn on.
So if you are a parent, let the child develop naturally… And consider that doing something in life, other than being a parent, is what will make you feel that you make or don’t make a difference.
I had an SJW apply once to the hero program. I had to have an actual conversation with her to see what the f… she was up to. And then refused the program for her.
So the first few sentences are misleading: don’t try to find a person to make a difference with… do something and allow that thing to make a difference.
Here is another example: One of the heroes (yeah, in the hero program you are a hero) wants to use his sense of humor in the world. He is gearing up to make humor laced teaching videos. He needs to aim to get one feedback that says: this video made a difference to know that he is on the right track.
Thumbs up, I like it, I enjoyed it, etc. comment won’t do it. I enjoy candy, but it doesn’t make a difference. So beware, liking is not it.
Another hero is a doctor. Her project is to create a financially profitable second specialty without having to get a new office. If her clients like what she does… no cigar. She didn’t make a difference. But if they report back that the symptoms are less or none… yeah, that made a difference. Then she is on track to have a business that makes a difference.