Because the greatest motivators of all is being inspired by yourself.
What does it even mean, Sophie?
I am not talking about the narcissistic self talk that says that you are the greatest, handsomest, smartest of all…
No, what I am talking about the feeling you have when you did something praiseworthy. Something that for a moment makes you feel like you are not that little sh!t you’ve been all your life. You are someone worth writing at least one paragraph about…
But if it is such a great motivator, why don’t people use it more?
Some do… they may not tell you, or if they do, you can’t hear it.
Your attention is
1. outward directed, meaning you want others to praise you
2. maybe you don’t recognize what is praiseworthy
3. Mostly you are looking at what’s bad about you
4. you don’t use the self-praise to propel you forward
5. you are pretty dead inside.
You want to raise both numbers. How?
The secret of my rise as a person, from miserable to happy came almost entirely from this.
I used every moment of brilliance, every little thing I did well to allow me to do more of that, and do it even better.
Temperament-wise I was born depressed… and it is a matter of daily working on it for me to not slip into major depression.
Major depression is something that you don’t want… I have had that several times in my life. It is when you feel so bad, you can’t trust yourself to survive so you get hospitalized. At least in a country where it doesn’t cost and arm and a leg, like the country I was born in, Hungary.
So once I left Hungary it became mandatory that I get good at not slipping into depression, that I pull myself up by my bootstraps, and I have.
When you are depressed, getting up to pee is an accomplishment and is praiseworthy. Take a deep breath? Praiseworthy. Turned around in the bed? Praiseworthy.
What are you going to praise yourself? For what you do.
I am hungry… So eat! But I am too tired to eat! But I did eat… praiseworthy.
When you love yourself, you can love your world, you can love your life.
It should be a natural state, but it isn’t.
Hillel the elder said:
If I am not for me, who is for me?
The ultimate question to ask yourself.
If you are waiting for someone else to praise you, for someone else to appreciate what you do, or who you are, you are screwed!
Your inspirability/inspired score will only grow if you actively praise yourself.
And when you praise yourself: get inspired by who you must be that you did what you did.
Notice the past tense…
Allow what you did to inspire you, instead of some high and mighty goal or purpose.
I know I am working here against the accepted methods of self-motivation, so I’ll get some flak.
But when my student writes to me: ‘I am inspired by the idea of becoming an expert!‘ I smell a dead rat!
What’s wrong with being inspired by what you aspire for?
What’s wrong is that you are using something outside of yourself, something not real, something far away as your guiding light… And your chances that you won’t FEEL inspired at some point is between 99% and 100%…
Your state of mind will be, 24/7: NOT YET.
Nothing that you can do seems to be enough to bring that aspiration closer. So you don’t and can’t appreciate your efforts… you’ll postpone appreciation a month, two, a year, two?
It won’t sustain you!
Also, there is another wrinkle: when you go for a goal, only what happens, i.e. the OUTWARD results will matter, and those are few and far between.
But the effort is many. Successful or not successful effort, it won’t matter. What will matter is that you did it. Well? Poorly? That won’t matter either. What will matter is that you did it.
And our societal culture is such, that most people never do anything, so you can feel good about yourself when you do.
I have a student…
…who is growing his mental toughness by doing Wim Hof’s 10-week program. Google it…
If you are not familiar with it: it is an extreme endurance program, not for the faint of heart. Definitely not for most.
- He is in the seventh week of the 10-week program.
- And he’s been doing the exercises every day, and he is gaining ground.
- He is doing things that would make a grown man cry. Or a grown woman.
And he is doing it. Every day. And he has every reason to be inspired by the person he is. By the person who would do the crazy things he is doing just because they are part of that program.
Yesterday he was in my advanced new context class. He can be inspired by himself, that in spite of being a relative beginner in my work, he is hanging in there, holding on… not a small feat.
His inspirability and inspired numbers are both 30%.
Another student from the same class wants to catch the ‘bug’ of being inspired by himself.
He is also in my Hero program, where we converse daily. He reports, I provide feedback and guiding nudges. So I hope I can lead him through actions that he can take to grow his inspiration (it is 0% now) to help him move towards being a person who loves himself and therefore loves his life.
A third student decided to work on her ‘being interested’ skill. It is a beingness skill. She has, after a day or two, several incidents when she was interested in what someone said and even enjoyed being interested. Praiseworthy… and she knows it.
And that is the technology.
I wake up many mornings not inspired. Not motivated. Not flying the spirit.
And then I get up to pee… and I acknowledge myself for that… I praise myself.
That gives me some energy to actually resist the warm bed, and carry my clothes to the bed. And I acknowledge myself for every piece of clothes I put on. Including the socks where I honor John Wooden and his wisdom on teaching how to put on your socks. And then I acknowledge myself for putting the shirt on the right way.
By the time I am in my office, I have acknowledged myself at least ten times… Most mornings that is enough to get me out of the dumps… and be inspired to write and article, but not today.
Today I was in a deeper dump than usual. I needed more acknowledgment, and it took me more than an hour… But somehow I managed, through acknowledging myself as the person who can help people get inspired… By themselves and what they did. By who they are.
When it comes to pulling yourself up by your bootstraps, you can use whatever will get that spirit flap its wings inside.
Once you distinguish this self-inspiration bit, you’ll start to see it everywhere. Real winners in life got to winning because of this. All of them. No exception.
And the interesting thing is: they don’t know and therefore cannot teach what they did.
Sometimes we get lucky and a dude or dudette was more self-aware than most, and it slips out.
But most have no idea what is their superpower, what is their inner drive is fueled by.
But after reading this article you’ll know.
Let me add one little juicy bit…
If you have a partner, if you have a mentor, if you have a coach who is good at acknowledging and reframing, make sure you tell them about this technology, so they can support you.
I do that mostly in my Hero program. It is in a private area, so the conversation is even more private than emailing. And you can express your appreciation and that you are inspired by yourself without anyone mocking you, or trying to knock you down a notch.
People, no matter what they say to the contrary, are not on your side.
The evil eye is what I am talking about when I talk about people not supporting you.
It comes from the either you OR me paradigm where humans live. Scarcity.
My best friends, my brothers all emitted the energy of evil eye whenever I talked about anything I’d accomplished.
Makes no sense but it is so.
How did I know? The moment that energy came towards me, the Kabbalah string started to ‘buzz’… and occasionally it disintegrated in front of my eyes, while I was still on the phone with the evil eye person.
So I started to manage what I share. I stopped sharing successes.
Then I forgot about it, and joined a group coaching program, where, for lack of a better word, I got creamed, mocked, knocked down a few notches… because no one wanted me to have the successes I shared.
So successes are not for public consumption.
Share them with me. Ask for praise if you want it from me, but more important: praise yourself, and be inspired by who you are. Make sure you use that energy not to be smug, or sit on your laurels, but to propel yourself forward.
If I don’t know you want praise, I will not praise you. You need to set the context of your share so I know. I have no problem appreciating what you did.
And luckily I am actually good at it. I don’t live in the either/or world of most humans, so your success doesn’t threaten me… doesn’t challenge me, doesn’t make me feel less than you.
My incredibly inexpensive low key coaching program is called the Hero program.
You are a hero when you do something you can be appreciated for… that is why I call it the hero program. To remind you and remind myself what it’s about.
It is a structure where you can climb as high as you want.
But you also need to be a student of my work… or I won’t take you.
If you bring the world you are of, the horizontal plane, the religion, the competitiveness to the conversation, I’ll boot you out. It is pure poison for me… and I won’t willingly immerse myself in it.
The first payment is to pay me for the work it takes to evaluate you, and our chances to work together.
And then it’s a weekly payment… until you cancel. Or alternatively you can pay every 3 months. It is priced so low, that you can commit to a lifetime of it… my lifetime… lol.
If you cancel, you can’t come back. That is my policy.
Get the support you need in the hero program