More on what would be emotional intelligence

Please email me if you find a typo or something unclear. Thank you. Sophie

reality, occurrence, narrativeThe first thing we need to tell apart, distinguish, is the difference between a feeling and an emotion.

Nothing in reality creates an emotion. Emotions are not in reality…

They show up in your personal reality only. Something happens, real or unreal, and you say something about it, consciously or unconsciously. Mostly what you say: good/bad, right/wrong. And then the feeling you have, having said that, is going to match what you said: good/bad, right/wrong.

Sometimes it is not you who says that first, it is your parent or some other person.

  • A client’s teacher says to the mother: your daughter is slow. Slow is neither good, nor bad, neither right, nor wrong. But the mother’s facial expression now qualifies it as wrong.

This client is now slow, as in painfully slow.

  • A client is on the table, the diaper is open and it is filled with stinky poo.

The father comes in, looks at all that poo, and makes a face, maybe says something, and the child sees the facial expression. Non-verbal.

Stinky is not good/bad or right/wrong, it is just a smell. But the father’s reaction to it qualifies it as bad… and the child lives, for the rest of their lives as ‘there is something wrong with me. I am not OK’

  • The child goes to hug the mother, and the mother pushes her away, savagely. ‘I am not lovable, says the child. That last child was me.

The decisions you make as a child, or even as an adult, are made from guesses.

But whatever you guessed gives you your emotion… and now you are screwed.

Why? Because ever single emotion comes from some inane guess, and not from reality.

Your emotions jerk you around, never allowing you to actually look in reality and see what the heck is really going on. For you, for them, for the world.

Your astuteness, your accuracy is below the frog’s ass… you do stupid things, you look in your emotions and your words to do things, and how to do them… and you are surprised that you are unhappy, even wretched.

And you don’t know, accurately, why. You think there is something wrong with you, something wrong with them, and something wrong with the word.

Unfixable, because in reality there is nothing wrong. And you can’t fix what is not wrong.

Things are neither wrong or right, they are just what they are.

Your accuracy can be measured, it can be low, it can be high… but never wrong.

What you eat can’t be wrong, only it supports you to have energy and well being to whatever degree that does… on a scale.

You are stupid, slow, selfish, stingy, pretentious on a scale…

Our language is stuck on the systemic value level, the level that will make you unhappy in a jiffy.

I am watching people who came to the ‘What’s missing’ workshop yesterday.

Half of the people left with ‘I am hopeless, I’ll never amount to anything. I can’t win‘ etc.

The other half has found a new lease on life.

Same workshop, but people with different words in their past…

The disheartened people haven’t understood, haven’t gotten that if you look at the same place, if you listen to the same channel, nothing will EVER change for you, unless you change the channel, change where you are looking.

And I could feel, while the workshop was going on, not only afterwards, the inner chatter and the resulting hopelessness.

The environment you live, the people, the background noise keeps your old ‘record’ spinning.

I have a young couple living downstairs from me. Their TV is on when they are awake. Their vibration is reliably at 100… If they just turned the darn thing off, I feel their vibration could rise to 200… but they wouldn’t know what happened.

Whatever you say about other people is also part of your ‘record’… in the Social Lair where I do my coaching, on a different channel, a group of people gather to exchange their opinion about everyone… the people’s vibration is 100… including the moderators.

And the background noise from the outside is just half of the battle.

Until you learn to cause yourself to look somewhere other than your ‘record’, the storehouse that you have said before, what created your life, what created you to be a ‘never do well’…

Unless you learn to direct your attention and cause what you are listening to, what you are saying, no one can help you… no energy, no exercises, no guru, nothing.

YOU can help yourself… and I can only support you in that.

Those half probably won’t… It is a pity, but such is life.

Now, I said that this article is emotional intelligence.

It is OK to have emotions as long as you know that they are based on totally inaccurate observations, guesses, and old stories that were never true.

An emotionally intelligent person would create their emotions by saying things that cause… consciously.

  • The Big Bundle can help, but if you expect it to do it for you, you’ll be sorely disappointed.
  • The DNA adjustment can help, but if you expect that it will turn your ugly frog into a prince… you’ll be sorely disappointed.

In the What’s Missing workshop, yesterday, I discovered that where I am looking to decide if I can be confident or not, is outside of myself… in my results.

But I have zero power with your results. I wish I did, but no one does.

You only have power over what belongs to you… and not what doesn’t.

And even though I have been in this work for 36 years, I still looked at the place that wasn’t to my benefit, that didn’t serve me… because what I saw that had nothing to do with me.

So what is confidence? What can I be confident about?

Not the results… that is for sure.

I can be confident in that

  • I’ll do the work to the highest level I am currently capable for
  • That I won’t cut corners
  • I will put all my effort, all my power in all the actions
  • Definitely I will care about people and how what I say lands
  • And I can be confident that I will cause the exact results that I will… TBA…
  • I can be fairly confident about the steps I take, that they can produce the results.

But the results themselves are outside of my power to produce. Only the participants can do that for themselves… not me, not energies, not god.

So what can you do now?

You know what? I have no idea…

  • Maybe I could ask you to look and see where you look to know how to ‘feel’?
  • Maybe I could ask you to look at your life and see to what degree it worked or didn’t work, and guess how astute, how accurate you are when you make decisions about doing things.

Can I teach you these? I am sorry but I can’t…

Even when you are in one of my courses: it is still up to you. I point you to where to look, but you have to do the looking.

I have some lovely clients and ex clients who have no idea how to look… And it breaks my heart that I cannot help them, but I cannot. They have to help themselves.

It starts with gaining clarity.

Without clarity you are in a dark room…

So instead of selling you something… I am going to gift you a video that will teach more about clarity. More about where to look, how to look, where to look from so you can actually do the things that are yours to do, instead of waiting for some miracle to make your life better.

I put the video in my mobile app, in the Free stuff area…


If you don’t have my app yet, the link will help you to do what it takes to get it. It’s free.

Get clarity in my mobile apps

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Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

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