The results of coaching depend on the client

No matter how skillful the guidance, the teaching, the coaching, the results will depend on the guided… On their skill and diligence.

And willingness.

Any guidance, any teaching, any coaching is choosing. And when you choose, unless you unchoose something you’ll stop and flail and stop moving.

Teaching, guiding, coaching takes two. Otherwise it’s like rape. Domination. Forcing.

In The Fountainhead the character of Dominique is already infatuated with Roark when he rapes her. But she doesn’t give herself willingly. And they can’t become a couple until she does… and it takes years…

Yesterday I attempted to train my small hand picked group to say: ‘I empower you to empower me’

Not one of them could say it with conviction.

What is this empower thing?

Empower has two dimensions:

1. I grant you the power… instead of holding onto it. In essence I surrender. I declare myself ready and willing to be taught, lead, guided.
2. I don’t just grant you the power, In addition I also make you feel good about doing the training. Successful. Powerful. Big. Maybe even amazing.

As you can see, real training, real guidance cannot happen without empowering the other with both meanings of the word.

But this is not creating an autocratic society, or a tyranny. The statement clearly says: I am giving you this power so you can empower me.

Not for any other purpose. Not to conquer other people, other countries. No. For the sole purpose of you empowering me.

Empowering me for what? To be able to reach my goal, my purpose, my destination.

Why do I need you to empower me for that?

Because the forces working against me are plenty and strong. And unless I am empowered, I will not be able to reach my destination.

What destination? What forces?

Being free, free to be myself, free to pursue my vision, and be happy and love myself. That is my destination.

And the forces against it are complacency, fear, but more than anything, my unwillingness to choose and unchoose the incompatible ways of being. My unwillingness to commit.

Example:

I want to live a script free life. The script is a force that overtakes my life periodically, and takes me to an already familiar hell.

It originates in a small event in early childhood.

As long as the meaning I have it then remains, the script is active and WILL take over my life, failing me in my good intention for my life.

So my job now is to go back to that original incident and re-look so in the new look there is no drama.

Can I do it? Yes. Will I do it? Probably not. Why? Because I don’t want to give up my choice to be miserable, unhappy, a never do well.

Really? Yes. Really.

OK, OK, but why empower the coach? Isn’t my payment to them enough?

Anyone who does what they do for the payment is to be avoided.

They will guide you in a way that you’ll need to buy more of their stuff… and still never succeed.

This describes most people I know, maybe yourself as well?

In my work I have had to hold the vision for you, for my clients and students, because you won’t.

It’s been like carrying an asleep child: heavy and not cooperating.

Or it’s been like saving a drowning man whose movements are, unconsciously intending to pull me down to drown too.

Considering my life not important enough. Considering me a tool and not a person.

Here is another example: giving up one worldview so you can get what you want.

Religious worldview, whether the religion is Christianity or Positive Thinking or The Law of Attraction.

None of those are compatible with how reality works. So unless a client gives that up, a new, reality based worldview cannot be established and acted upon.

It is true that my work, looked at from the magical worldviews is quite magical, but my work is not based on magic.

  • Magic is when you don’t have to participate in the story, it befalls you.
  • Maybe you pray, maybe you say a mantra, maybe you FEEL grateful but that’s it.

Not reality based.

My energies, the energies you buy, for example, are all co-creative. If you don’t do your part, they don’t work. Admittedly some will, like the Water Energizer, because it will work on water, not you. But that is it…

All the other energies need you to do your part, just like in my coaching.

If you don’t empower the energy to empower you, nothing will happen.

So if you walk around with the DNA adjustment energy on your ears all day, but you don’t empower the ‘I am boss. I cause myself, I cause my actions, I cause my life!’ worldview, the energy cannot do and will not do anything for you.

  • If you are a floppy person in need of being held up to look like a person, you’ll expect my energies and me to hold you up… no co-creation whatsoever.
  • If you will do nice-nice to appease me but no work… ditto.

My hunch is that people look at me talking about the work, and they think that it is my work. That my work is to make them happy. My work is to give them something.

They think: work?

People look at work in the same way that they bring it to their coaching with me: work is something that you just pretend to do enough so you get paid.

And no matter what is your ‘profession’, that is the attitude

So what are we going to do now, that the truth has been revealed, that the ugliness has been exposed?

The main and major issue is the basic human condition.

Homo Sapiens is 100% ruled by ‘desire to receive for the self alone’

…barely tolerating someone else also getting something, but definitely not supporting it.

I see it with married couples best.

  • The one who can earn more refuses to work more or better, because the other party will benefit from it.
  • My mother went to the grocery store, bought stuff (dutifully) for the family, and stuff for herself. That she hid in a locked cabinet. Chocolate, and such. That she never shared.

Ungenerous, uncaring. Desire to receive for the self alone.

So it is not a surprise, or it shouldn’t be, that homo sapiens is not equipped, genetically, to be generous, to share, to care, to empower, to be on the other’s side.

If you look around and have eyes to see (astuteness, overall humanity’s astuteness is one half percent… so chances are you won’t see) but if you had eyes to see you would see it everywhere.

And you would be mortified.

So the fact that my clients/students do not wish to empower me to empower them, is not anything out of the ordinary.

When I ask them: Please create a way to empower me so I can empower you, not with my own energies by with energy from Source? How are you going to be? What are you going to say?

They will be in uncharted territory, somewhere they have never been.

But unless they can move there, I will never be able to move them to where they’d like to be.

  • Maxwell Maltz was a cosmetic surgeon.

He mostly operated on some disfigurement of his clientele.

Many (most?) of his clients, in spite of their significant improvement on their looks, saw themselves the same after the surgery.

He had no co-creation with his clients… and the results, obviously were disappointing to the clients.

  • In the Jungle Book Mawgly saw himself as a freak wolf cub. When they raced, he and the wolf cubs, he tried to run on all fours. Had he been able to shift to a different self-view, that of a bipedaled human, he would have been able to run a lot faster.

What I am attempting to train people is to get on two legs… where they can do more, better, and be a different species.

All the energies from Source are to make that real… but so far all my clients, most of the time, refuse…

There is a huge pull to claim victimhood to avoid having to be a winner, having to be someone who can.

This is why you need to empower me to empower you.

If I have to carry you over the finish line, who won? You or me?

Neither I say. You, like Dr. Maltz’s clients won’t be able to BE the winner, the boss, the powerful being, you’ll crawl back to the safe and comfortable cave of the mind where you are weak, cowardly, and can’t.

I am talking to the participants in yesterday’s course… the participants I yelled at. The participants I asked to empower me so I can empower them.

It seems to me that they all lack an organizing principle…

…a ONE THING that could hold all their desires, all their agendas, all their commitments to themselves and to me.

  • I just suggested to one: Living consciously, or Conscious living.

The language to declare it: My ONE THING is living consciously.

Other possible one things, depending on what is difficult for you, are:

  • Living with permission… this is especially useful if you have all those rules of perfection…
  • Loving being on the hook… this is especially useful if you never put yourself on the hook and therefore you have never accomplished anything.

I’ll hold a training on this if there is a demand. If you are interested please email me. The training will cost $30 bucks… If that is a problem, I understand.

The other thing I am seeing from the responses since yesterday is that the whole idea of empowering me is like words that don’t make any sense to them.

I searched the internet for empowering the leader, and found the same ‘huh?’ response.

Uncharted territory… meaning: we live in a world of moochers and looters.

The moochers want to get everything without giving anything in return. The looters take everything and never even acknowledge your role…

What would you do if you were not a moocher and if you weren’t a looter either? How would you behave, what would you say to me and about me?

Is being successful with what I give you enough? Or would you need to do something more?

All great questions.

I don’t have an answer for you… you’ll need to find an answer for yourself.

If you are available, we may discuss this at 2 pm, today (Sunday) in a webinar… It’s $20… If you want the recording, it is still $20.


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Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

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