X-ray… it wasn’t clear what was wrong. I was in and out of consciousness. Internal bleeding.
From the person who was in the operating room, the huge red haired Russian doctor, 6 foot 5 or so, I knew I was on gynecology… She was dressing in to do surgery on me.
A young doctor, maybe a resident, set by me all night, holding my hand… I was moaning and carrying on all night… I was told.
In the end I was buried under six comforters: I was cold and shivered uncontrollably. Losing copious amount of blood can do that to you.
As you can tell, I lived. And ended up on the seventh floor… due to all that fussing. A psychiatrist came down and interviewed me.
It wasn’t my first time on that floor. lol.
What I really want to talk about in this article is what happened on the psychiatry ward.
But thought I would relive the drama with you of my ambulance journey… I hope you enjoyed. It was fun.
I started something a few days ago.
As most women, I never learned to rest. The culture of do do do… But a few days ago I woke up and the room was cold and it was warm under the thick comforter, so I decided to stay.
But I still couldn’t just lie there… so I turned on my kindle and read.
Today I managed to just I lie there and felt the tiredness melt away. I wasn’t asleep. I could talk to Source, I could ask questions, I was awake, but in a very receptive mode.
My new area of inquiry is about the mind.
The mind is not the brain… the brain is big and has many connections. The mind is like a storage room. Dark and dunk. And cavernous.
I don’t remember living there… I do remember coming out though… so I must have lived there for a while.
So I was using this theta mode state, resting body, alert brain, to investigate this whole mind thing.
This morning, lying in my bed, I could see that what kept her awake, in terror, wasn’t anything real: in her mind, the cave, there was a whole terrifying world…
The electroshocks were designed to bring her out, even just for a moment, to wake her up, so she can see that reality wasn’t even similar to that horror that kept her trapped in her mind.
Carl Jung said: the foundation of mental illness is the unwillingness to experience legitimate suffering.
Seeing what I saw, I’d say: the foundation of mental illness is the unwillingness to live and navigate reality where you can be called to account.
The place where a person goes who is unwilling to play by the rules of reality is the mind.
Today nearly every person on the planet lives in the mind only rarely glimpsing at facts, reality. We can safely say that today’s humanity in its 4th stage of insanity… Fourth is the last stage.
…in Civilization and its Discontent very simply and eloquently the reason humanity retreated into the cave of its mind… and is refusing in making even brief visits to reality.
Freud says the reason is and has been is our low TLB… our low threshold of what we can bare and what we say we can’t.
TLB, the twitchy little bastard score tells me how long you are willing to stare down something that is unpleasant.
and other unpleasant feelings.
If your TLB is low then where you run is the cave… the safe place.
It is not that it’s all cookies and cream there… but it feels better for the moment.
What humanity is suffering from is courage deficiency. And trust deficiency.
The waves of unpleasantness, like anything in reality, pass. In reality the only thing that is permanent is change. So whatever comes passes… Especially feelings.
On the other hand, in the cave, thoughts, emotions tend to be fixated and last a long long time.
I remember when I first experimented with this
It was 1987 and I was on the ‘phone team’ making phone calls about programs I myself hadn’t done, to people who didn’t necessarily want to talk about programs, or anything.
So I was petrified.
I didn’t know YET that I was an empath, but I could locate the fear and follow it as it moved about, much like a mouse.
I saw that the fear wanted my attention, wanted me to stay with it.
So I put it in my shirt’s chest pocket and told it that I am taking it with myself, and that I am there, whenever it needs me it should just yell out.
And with that I could pick up the phone and talk to many people. And many ‘bought’ what I was selling.
Most of you resist the unpleasant feelings, and give power to them. Or move to the cave where you think you won’t have to feel them.
I know that you don’t know, but in the cave you suffer more, because in the cave nothing much changes.
In reality there is always a breeze going on… so to say.
Nowadays I am dealing with another fear… and I am working to overcome it.
As I am dealing with this fear I am reminded of a human delusion: that things should, suddenly, instantaneously change…
Sorry to break your bubble. The rules of reality and the rules of fantasy (mind) are different.
Nothing happens suddenly in reality. In fact reality is often painfully slow.
While in the fantasy world, in unreality, you have magic, and spells, and all kinds of good stuff… but they are not real.
And expecting reality to work according to your rules tells me that you live in the cave of your mind, with scarcely if any exposure to reality.
It takes days for the Water Energizer to change your water to coherent… It will take me probably weeks before I get a handle on this fear that is stopping me now.
So the only reason you expect life, yourself to change magically because I activated a capacity, or because I pulled your anchor to doom, or whatever ‘magical thing’ I did for you, is because you are fully and wholly living in the mind.
Living in the mind, as the woman whose brain was zapped to get her out of there… is a disease.
It reduces you to a less than intelligent being… ineffective, insane, and not suited to life.
We are approaching that to a degree that the number of people who live, at least partly in reality is so small, that it almost doesn’t matter.
In my conversation with Source, still in bed, this morning, I found out that there is an energy that can, when used consistently and over time, ease you out of the mind.
Will you want to?
Most of you: no. It is painful to give up your precious ‘I’, your inflated self-importance, self-image, self-everything.
So you will opt to stay in the mind.
Many of you, I foresee, will buy the energy and still stay in the mind.
Because I cannot do anything for you, to you, that you don’t agree with… Remember? Free Choice is an inviolable rule of this Earth.
And unless you are willing to be only as smart as you really are, only as good as you really are… strip away all the pretenses, and poses, and just be you… none of my energies can and will do anything for you.
The quote that says that better than any is from Arthur Miller
Arthur Miller – Take One’s Life in One’s Arms
I think it’s a mistake to ever look for hope outside of one’s self.
One day the house smells of fresh bread, the next of smoke and blood. One day you faint because the gardener cuts his finger off, within a week you’re climbing over corpses of children bombed in a subway.
What hope can there be if that is so?
I tried to die near the end of the war. The same dream returned each night until I dared not to go to sleep and grew quite ill.
I dreamed I had a child, and even in the dream I saw it was my life, and it was an idiot, and I ran away.
But it always crept onto my lap again, clutched at my clothes. Until I thought, if I could kiss it, whatever in it was my own, perhaps I could sleep. And I bent to its broken face, and it was horrible… but I kissed it. I think one must finally take one’s life in one’s arms.
from the play After the Fall
The method I am working with a private client is the dual path: where you can eat your cake and have it too.
Where you can keep your self-image, but not the ‘therefore’.
What do I mean?
If you fancy yourself a king… it’s OK. Nothing wrong with that.
But if you honor the made up ‘therefore’ therefore I don’t have to do anything, then you are going to be in trouble.
So without having to give up being a king, you can say: that doesn’t mean I cannot, or shouldn’t do work, develop skills, build a business. I can be a business-building king.
Inside the cave, of course, you can’t do any of that activity: inside the cave the therefore rules.
But in reality those two things, supposedly incompatible things, work very well together.
In a book by Neal Stephenson about the climate change, one of the main characters is the Queen of the Netherlands… clearly demonstrating how it’s done… She is a queen and she is a person, and she manages the two work together. Brilliant.
We all have an inflated sense of self with a therefore… You, me, everyone. The moment you remove the artificial ‘therefore’ you can be a person and that ‘unreal thing’ you made up about yourself.
When I pull your dominant belief’s anchor to doom… I often get a glimpse of the therefore.
Once you know the therefore, you get access to this technology: the dual path.
Until now there was no solution to that incompatibility… I myself haven’t seen a solution.
But now we do…
If there are enough people wanting to embark on the dual path, I’ll do a workshop on that.
Learn to walk the dual path
I am taking him from being a puddle, stagnant, to become a powerful fast flowing rapid… so his experience with himself and his life can become powerful… and where he can make a difference he studied all his life to make.
Don’t me mistaken: he is not a born slacker… not like many out there. He just hasn’t been trained and guided to what would make him powerful, and fully self-actualized.