I had been miserable for a few days till…

I had been miserable for a few days now…

So when this happens I pay attention.

Of course my attention is splintered: some of it goes into feeling sorry for myself, some of it to ‘fix’ the misery… or its seeming cause. and some of it to see what is REALLY going on.

I always say that if you can go through hell with your eyes open and with wide cone of vision, you are going to see what lead you there and what you can do to reduce the likelihood of going through hell again any time soon.

So that is what I have been doing. Using my own example to help you in your frequent visits, or maybe even having been stuck in hell.

So this is what I saw:

Unless you fully understand how a human is built, from the ground up, you can’t be happy, go back to happiness after misery, and you can’t love yourself.

What?! Yeah.

Whether the Kabbalists ‘knew’ what happened, or were astute enough to come up with a likely story about the creation of humanity is debatable, but won’t matter.

The way humans work is this:

Every human has two selves…

  • One self wants to be like god. Powerful, magnanimous, become all it can become.
  • The other self is ordinary, selfish, lazy, comfort loving, self-serving, cowardly, self-indulgent, etc. Also a moocher or a looter… just so you know.

When you look around you, you see that ‘the other self’ dominates the way humans live.

So far so good… but no…

The self that wants to be like god is not leaving it alone. It is like a pest… won’t let ‘the other self’ be happy doing what it wants to do.

It will do what it needs to do, what it can think to do, to make ‘the other self’ miserable, so it will do the one self’s bidding: become all it can become.

Of course ‘the other self’ is not willing. It is only concerned with what it’s concerned with: its own comfort, its pleasure, being off the hook.

Now, if you have been with me for any length of time, you recognize this situation as the ‘integrity quandary’.

The inside job.

When the two selves can embrace, you love yourself and you love your life.

Every other time: you don’t love yourself and you don’t love your life. No matter how much money you have, no matter how fit and slim and good looking you are, no matter how much worldly success you have: you don’t love yourself and you don’t love your life.

Everything to make someone else wrong who wronged you, everything you do to withhold love, generosity, your energy, your respect backfires… and makes YOU miserable.

Every act of stinginess, or cowardice, or comfort bites you in the nether regions…

Because the only way the two selves will hug is when you are in integrity.

Or said in another way: the more you move towards integrity, the more the two selves hug.

You are never in integrity for more than a few seconds… by the way. It is not a stable state… So for the god-self to be happy, you moving towards integrity has to be the dominant state.

When you are true to your Self… when you do what is yours to do to become all you can become.

We are in the middle of a challenge I haven’t named, because I didn’t want to give away the result… yet.

People, admittedly not many, are jotting down in a long list what they do on any given day. I have the ‘log’ of one person, where ‘playing with the cat’, ‘walking the dog’, ‘being in my head’, ‘going to a restaurant’, ‘making and enjoying snacks’ are half of the day.

Busy work, filling the time with nothing.

This is everyone, and honestly this was me for ten days thus the misery.

I know. I was avoiding to take any steps towards a project I took on. Took it on because I saw ‘I can do this’ and then… didn’t do anything.

So no matter what level of vibration, what level of consciousness you are, when you don’t do what is yours to do, you are miserable.

I’ve watched a guy struggle with this. His vibration dropped to 100.

What he had seen is that he should write a book or more. He even visited with a mentor, and paid good money, yet he wiggled off the hook and didn’t commit to actually writing that darn first book.

The voices in his head were saying ‘who do you think you are to think that writing a book is yours to do?‘ and ‘I am too busy, I don’t have time!

But 15 days ago he finally committed to writing the book, and now he is energized, his vibration is back to 200, and the book is in the editing phase: meaning: it is written.

Actually watching him was what dislodged me from my misery.

First into more misery: I felt worthless, I felt like a failure, I felt like a loser. ‘I could never do what he did‘ said the voice. ‘Nobody wants to talk to me‘ said the voice a little later.

Last night I went to bed utterly crushed.

When I woke up this morning it was still pitch black. The room was cold (50F) and it was nice and toasty under the blankets. And the tug of war began inside: the two selves… I was watching. Then, after about 30 minutes of that I got up, got dressed, and made some tea. Strong, British Blend.

Sat down and allowed the two selves to begin to settle down so I can start seeing something.

And this article is what I saw.

Once you actually see what your ‘other self’ the physical self is doing, what it is spending your life for..

…and you pit it against what your ‘god self’ wants to do with that same life, you can see why you are not happy.

When you can see that in all its gory glory, you will start to see what changes you can start making, painless changes for now, so the two selves can be in harmony.

On Tuesday I’ll publish the second step of the challenge.

So why am I writing about it now? I hope that some of you will secretly do the first step.

It is necessary. You need to bring conscious awareness to what you are actually doing… in reality and not in the cave.

In the cave of your mind you lie to yourself, but that is not useful.

The two selves need to meet in reality… not in the cave.

So if you feel inclined, start jotting down what it is that you spend your time with.

You’ll be surprised to see how little time you spend on things that matter to you, unless, or course, being off the hook is your most important concern… And you won’t be alone there.

But just so you know: YOU ARE NEVER OFF THE HOOK. Being off the hook is a delusion. The god self won’t let you off the hook… and that is really the source of your misery.

Imagine yourself a fish. Now imagine being on the hook. Now imagine yourself imagining that you are off the hook, you can go wherever you want to go, do whatever the heck you want to do. And yet, your life is in a tight circle around your doom… no matter how much time you spend imagining stuff.

Reality is a b.i.t.c.h., isn’t it?

The actions to get you out of that tight circle around your doom are actions that take you closer to self-love.

But you probably won’t be able to see the actions, won’t be able to see yourself DOING the actions, won’t have time or energy to do the actions, until we do some more work on that list… that list I’d like you to have ready by Tuesday.

Unless you know what is yours to do, you’ll always be miserable…

…not passing through instead living in hell. Comfortable and horrible.

Oh well.

You may want to listen to one of the people who lead me to clarity

https://yourvib.me/clarity

Open the kink on your mobile phone. Follow instructions to sign up, or just get automatically added, so you can read and watch the video.

And if you are doubly turned on by the possibility to be happy, to love your life, buy and DO and DO AGAIN the Integrity Course.

The three most life-changing courses I have ever created are The Soaring Method, the Integrity Workshop, and the Second Phase Activators Course.

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Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

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