And that there have been only 19 people, in all the history of humanity, that got enlightened.
I am very uncomfortable… maybe even embarrassed.
Firstly because I know of a lot of people who claim and claimed that they got enlightened… and they all describe it as an a-ha event.
I never had one of those… Unless this answer I didn’t expect qualify as that.
They also say that they laughed… as they say: after days of pain, or nights of pain.
And although I find much in life, in people that is funny, I didn’t have that big laugh.
Because, like with most words, people mean different things…
I don’t mean to imply that Source is ‘people’… but I want to know what criteria have I met that others haven’t.
The answer surprises me. And I can also see that I can’t find anyone I know, or know of who is and has been like that.
Source says: when you MASTER to desire to receive for the sake of sharing, you are enlightened.
Master. And have no element of desire for the self alone, to feel good, to feel smart, to feel anything.
And you may feel good, you may feel smart, but it is just a road kill.
I also see that when you share what you got, it has to be not-yours what you share.
Healing is not mine. None of it. The energies I share are not mine. None of it. The knowledge and guidance I share are not mine. I am receiving it as I am sharing it.
Whereas when I got paid to do massages, I sold MY time… and I wasn’t in desire to receive for the sake of sharing until the very end, when I set the context such that I was sharing what I received as I was sharing it.
It’s obvious to me that when one goes into their mind to know what to say and not to the beyond, one cannot be in that state.
I am talking about state, not an event, you noticed?
It is a state of being… a complete surrender, humility, curiosity, and channeling. No greed. And no self-interest or self-concern. No ego. No forcing.
Also not always very pleasant: receiving is not people’s strong suit… people with no or low humility hate receiving. Because, it seems, receiving makes them feel less, even though they are maybe needy, and yet.
So I experience myself wanting to leave. Leave Earth. Stop teaching. Stop. I ask Source if I can die because I want to.
I muscletest and I am depressed. Hm. Interesting.
I ordered some onions, and what came is GMO onions. I made one dish, and it gave me severe stomach pain. Unfortunately I react to GMO extremely.
I want to make the same dish, I really like it. But will the onion kill me? And then I notice that I want to die but I don’t want the onion to kill me. Hahaha. What is the truth?
Life is full of stuff you want, and full to the brim with stuff you don’t enjoy.
Oh, maybe I should only talk about myself… I am. Talking about myself.
I enjoy the knowledge coming through me. I don’t enjoy the experience of not being received.
Kabbalah is the science of receiving.
Everybody I have heard talks about receiving what you want… nobody is talking about being willing to receive what you are given.
It seems that human nature is to want more, better, different… but definitely not what is. Not what you’ve got, not what you are given. You ask for more. And you ask for different. And, of course, you ask for better.
So looking at that, I can see that unless you are willing to receive what you are getting, you are FORCEFULLY going for more better and different.
Until about five years ago I gave massages to supplement my income. And massage clients are what I got. Fat, stinky, rude, chatty, grope-y, or worse. Definitely not what I would ask for if I could ask for anything.
It was the most excellent training ground for me.
I was CAUSING MYSELF to receive what I was given with humility, gratitude, and GRACE.
Even the thought is alien to human nature… I think. But I struggled with it until it got easy… and then life got easy. I got what I got. I received it with grace.
And I didn’t have to like it: liking is not within my power…
What was in my power is to receive it, the grace, the gratitude, and the giving them more than what they paid for. They paid for a back rub. I gave them a slice of heaven. Because that is what I received… so I passed it on.
I only stopped because I had this feeling that being 70 years old meant something. And because the massage was killing my back…
I didn’t give them anything of mine… Even my time is not my time when it comes to work.
My consulting clients always thank me for the time I give them, by the way. I wonder what they mean.
Do they mean the attention I gave them? Do they mean the advice, the energies, the healing?
What you thank others for gives away what you are most stingy with when you are in the position of giving. What is the source of your scarcity.
Because whether you figured it out or not, human nature is controlled by a sense of scarcity, lack, powerlessness.
You always feel like the pig in the animal brunch… The chicken gives her eggs, but you have to give your leg for the ham and egg brunch.
Enlightenment, for me, I can sum it up in my favorite saying: ‘It is all in a day’s work‘…
My time is not something I trade… because my time doesn’t belong to me. My attention does. My appreciation does. Even my effort does. but not my time.
And thus time isn’t what I am stingy about… and thus I live in abundance.
I always am doing what I am doing NOT having my attention, not having my energy on what I am not doing… what would be better to do… what I’d prefer doing.
I have even managed to get to a point where I don’t yell at my landlord for ringing my door bell when I am on a webinar… Now I calmly take care of business, and return to the call.
I used to flip out when someone called while I was on another call…
It was all scarcity… two things making a DEMAND on my time at the same time.
It was horrible… just so you know. And it didn’t just disappear… it slowly receded together with the idea that I am giving what belongs to me… Scarcity.
Anyway… I don’t know if this makes a difference for you or not. But I feel better that I could share it.
I don’t feel like starting a new course…
So I am having some one-on-one calls… And then we shall see. We shall see if it was really depression, and at some point I’ll turn it around and want to live again.
If you want to do something with me… Wanting to learn to activate your intention may be a good place to go: I have three webinars a week now teaching the process…
And because teaching the process is easy for me, I also talk about important things, answer questions, so those calls I really good.
And to boot, you can get all the recordings of the previous calls… so it is a value bonanza… for a person who wants to get it.
Activate your intention
Causing, choosing, responsibility, and courage are the threshold between lower living and higher living, consciousness. So mastering intention is crucial. But you really cannot master any of the threshold capacities unless you are also willing to be humble… AND RECEIVE.
PPS: Here is a little lecture… all Tree of Knowledge… talking about enlightenment, cosmic consciousness… I would laugh if it were at least funny… But instead it is an illustration that what humans want is all ego want.