Of yourself? Yes.
If you give, just an example, money to life, life gives you nothing. Money is not ‘of you’, is it?
Then if you give time, dutifully, begrudgingly… ditto.
If you cook for your family, but you don’t put yourself into your cooking, not giving love, care, nurturing… ditto.
And if you are now confused, get unconfused, and get it. If you put of yourself into what you do, not for yourself, but for life, then life reciprocates it.
So what is yours to give that is of yourself?
Passion? enthusiasm? contribution? Power?
There is another wrinkle that needs to be mentioned: if you give to look good, if you give to be well thought of, if you give to feel better about yourself, then you are not giving of yourself.
Now you see why most people don’t get anything more for their effort but money. But money doesn’t warm you inside.
One of the things that is happening to my current core group students, for some of them, is that shift of where they give from.
In 2000 I visited Syracuse for the first time. I was here with my then boy friend. I found a simple white book in a bookstore. It was from Osho. It was about maturity… and I devoured it.
After that I read anything I could find from Osho.
Osho didn’t write any of it. They are all his transcribed talks, that is why it is so easy to read them. When I muscletested I found that he didn’t put any of himself into it. And yet…
I put all of me into reading… All power in all actions… the certain way.
I put all of me into reading them, and allowed these talks to take me around the world of thought and transform my view. And I put all of myself into reading them.
And then, after that I proceeded putting myself into all of my reading. I wasn’t standing there holding my hand out saying ‘give me, give me’. No I was in there: giving my enthusiasm and getting what I get all at the same time.
That is why reading is so life-giving to me… Especially if the author didn’t write those words and kept himself out of them. If and when kept himself out of the book I simply can’t get into it, his writing sucks the life out of me.
Same is with food… or with coaching… and it used to be with sex…
But life is cruel. It may give you money, it may give you position, it may give you a beautiful spouse, but it won’t give you life… the stuff life is made of.
So lately more of my core group students dip their big toe into giving of themselves… in their work, in our relationship, in the work they do for themselves on themselves, work they do on their worldview.
Some nations, culturally are stingy too. I am not judging, I am assessing.
People of some nations get less out of life than others.
What is underneath is stinginess. A a feeling that says: ‘It’s not fair‘. And maybe ‘other people get more than I get‘ or maybe ‘I deserve more‘ or maybe ‘I should be special‘ and a thousand different expressions of the same thing: they expect more and they are permanently disappointed and disgruntled.
This stinginess can come from the environment: maybe it is not fertile enough. Maybe there are too many people. The place is overpopulated, and the place cannot give more than what they can eke out of the earth. A poor country.
Yeah, life is cruel.
Because if you are stingy you won’t want to put yourself into what you do… after all stinginess is a sign of scarcity thinking, you thinking ‘I don’t even have enough for myself!!!‘
And because life reciprocates what you give of yourself, if you are stingy and are withholding yourself, you get very little of what life can give you.
So what can life give you? Love? Intimacy? Self-love? Enjoyment?
There are some movies that show me… maybe because I feel it… What life gives you is inside. (Departures)
If you hoped that stuff will give you that… no. Those, the feelings that make life worth living, are inside. Come from the inside. Not from stuff.
Money doesn’t come from life. Money comes from commerce. You trade something for money.
Money doesn’t care if you enjoyed doing what you traded it for.
You can make money without ever giving of yourself. But people who make the BIG money give of themselves and are also good at trading.
So don’t be mistaken: your passion may make you feel good, but it may not bring you money.
You need to be good also on the level of commerce… the extrinsic level of value.
The good feelings are on the intrinsic level… But money is on the extrinsic.
If you are stuck on the systemic level, the level of right and wrong, you won’t have much of either… good feelings or money…
If you are entirely on the extrinsic level, you can still be withholding yourself, and get very little if any enjoyment out of life…
The best life is lived when you can live on all three levels of life, systemic, extrinsic, and intrinsic… and know where you are… at any point.
No matter where you are, no matter who you are, you always have a ‘homepage’ so to say, like in a webpage, that you use to start out.
Stingy is a systemic judgment level homepage.
That is where most of my students come from… Occasionally I also get a student who homes on the intrinsic level.
Either way the job is to extend their world to the other two dimensions, so they can start to live a life they love… and live it powerfully.
I have found that extending people’s lives, view from the systemic or the intrinsic level can be done by asking them to use more words. To enrich their vocabulary… the words they use when they look at something. Such that they go from judgment to assessment.
We shall see if the method can put them completely on the extrinsic level. When it does, as I hope, they will be ready to learn the principles of the level, the laws of the world, but not until then.
It is absolutely amazing that it is really true that you cannot see and appreciate what is in the paradigm above yours. You can read, hear, watch information from there, and the only parts you’ll connect to are the parts that are possible to see in your paradigm.
In the case of systemic/extrinsic paradigms, you’ll see the right and the wrong, the proper and the improper, the yes/no aspects of the extrinsic… never any more.
While if your homepage is above the extrinsic, you’ll see everything there, but you still have to learn its rules and principles. You are still clueless about the world.
I am learning this from my one student whose homepage is in the intrinsic… and who is learning the principles of the extrinsic and the intrinsic.
No matter where you are, it takes looking and being taken to places to look…
…or you’ll be stuck in a small corner of a big castle thinking it is all the room there is.
OK, now, what can you do with this information? Anything? lol.
In the Face the Tiger workshop, in in about an hour’s time today, we’ll look through your fear. We’ll look what you are so afraid of so you are even afraid to look at it. And then we’ll explore it together, so you can at least look at it.
It is often enough to look at it, look and see. Enough for what?
Those ‘tigers’ are where your life is stuck, where your life is anchored to misery. And many of those ‘tigers’ are things you don’t attend to, don’t take care of, so they keep you stuck… don’t allow you to do much.
It is always something you are stingy about. You want to get but unwilling to give. Or if you give, and sometimes you give, you give in order to get, not of yourself, but of greediness.
I can’t wait to see what we’ll see.
Well, to start, why don’t you get your Starting Point Measurements? It will give me everything I need to see to help you…
Get your Starting Point Measurements
PS: Is the law of reciprocity really a law as Cialdini’s book ‘Influence’ has been saying?
In my experience, in my muscletesting, it is not true, it is not a law, and it is not even a principle. But it has sold millions of books, and has lead millions of people astray. Expecting reciprocation and got nothing.
Life reciprocates but humans don’t. It seems that humans give as little as they can get away with and still survive…
PPS: here is another wrinkle I just thought of. You get more love if you love more.
But on the level of systemic you don’t love. You want. So your love doesn’t warm you up. But how about the extrinsic? Can you love on the extrinsic level of value? The simple answer: no. You can only love on the intrinsic level… and then your it is true that you more you love the more love you get. Are you going to get it from your beloved? No. you can only feel the energy of love if and when you are the lover.
Not accidentally, the same is true about work. You can’t expect the work to satisfy you… It won’t. You bring yourself and give of yourself to your work, and that feeling, much similar to love, warms you up, and you call it satisfaction.
PPPS: Gratitude and appreciation is giving of yourself. That is what you feel…
Real prayer is gratitude and appreciation.
When I first connected to Source I felt gratitude, warmth, home, and myself. For the first time in my life.
I gave of myself. That is heaven.
PPPPS: I muscletested and Tai put much of himself into the 67 steps… So why is it that so few are getting all the value that is given? The answer is simple: only when you put much of yourself into something you get much in return. Bummer, eh?