Who You Are, What You Are? What is your Essence? A new interpretation for Attitude

your attitudeAttitude… what is it? What is the difference between your feelings, your emotions, and your attitude?

Who you are is your essence. It is not a reaction to some circumstance, like it’s late in the day. Your essence doesn’t change because you are tired.

Your who is created. Your who responds well to verbal command, just like you responded well when someone said: your name is Joseph, or whatever they said. You said: “OK, I am Joseph.” And then it never changed, It may have been shortened to Joe, but it didn’t change that you were Joe. The who. But that who was just a label.

6a01543446aa27970c0162ff65b95c970dYou, when you have a strong connection between your Self and your word, can declare yourself a certain who, your essence.

In class, yesterday, we set out to experiment with it, and test our ability to declare who we are.

Every person on the call took on declaring that who they are is happy.

What we took on is this: who I am, my essence is happy. That doesn’t mean I will not feel angry, tired, maybe even depressed when I do. But it will be different, because NOW I have an essence. And my essence is happy.

So, how is a happy person different from a person who doesn’t have an essence? Who hasn’t picked from all the possible essences the one that they decide to be?

You know those dolls that have a weighted bottom? I used to have the Russian version… you could throw it hard and it would just roll over and stand back on its base.



The heavy base is the essence. The more you practice it the heavier it becomes. The stronger your relationship to your word, the heavier it becomes. The more you connect your inner and outer self, the vertical self and the horizontal self, the heavier it becomes.

So when you notice that you are frustrated, you chuckle, because that is what a happy person do. And you let to of the frustrated, or not. But either way, a happy person is frustrated.

When you feel depressed, a happy person feels depressed. When you feel tired, then you rest. When you feel hungry, you eat. When you feel lazy, you rest.

All of those activities are done by a happy person. No need to “act” happy. Happy is not what you see on television: jumping up and pumping your fist. If it is an emotion, I would say it is victory. But the person’s essence is underneath it.

No, happy is a function of something much more inner: “happiness is a function of accepting what is. Accepting reality exactly the way it is, without resistance.”

The state of that acceptance, the state of looking at reality and allowing it to be, is what is called happy.

You have probably never experienced it. But when you declare your essence as that, you will know what is what. You will look to see what is reality, and attempt to accept it.

Your habits may still belong to a fixing person who has not essence. But it’s a process, don’t fret. You are now a weighted bottom doll, and you will return to happy soon enough.

So, when you are tired, you don’t make it wrong. You don’t say “I should not feel tired”, you’ll say: “tired = reality, happy = acceptance. OK, I feel tired. No problem. I rest.”

You’ll notice that when tiredness isn’t resisted, it goes away really fast. Not because you want it to go away. That would be resistance, and it’s out of character for “happy.”

My chosen essence, my chosen “who” is authentic: nothing hidden. But a happy authentic: someone who is able to stand in front of reality and stare right at it. And say: “Oh, that. So that is how it is. Super.” or dive into it, however gory it may look, and see what’s underneath it. Without much blinking.

There are sacred states that are perfect for “who”. What to pick? I recommend you pick “happy.” Why? Because as humans go, you are probably riddled with resistance to how it is.

Any other “sacred” name will do, but this one, “happy” is perfect. It addresses the core disconnection between the two selves.

By the way, this is not for the sake of other people. This is also something you may not want to share with the uninitiated. They will look for outward expression of happy, which is that pumping fists… and that is a show, that is a pretense.

A1908.1LHappy is an inner core issue, not for public showcasing. It is who you are. Your essence. Your attitude… the way you relate to everything.

Please. You would not undress in front of people and show them your birthmark… or cut out your heart to prove you have one.

Decency demands you to keep it to yourself… it is your treasure. It is your essence. Protect your boundaries.

It is who you are. Your essence. Your attitude… the way you relate to everything.

Others will see your name, your actions, your clothes, your position… and that is what they should see…

Summary: WHO is your core, and it never changes. WHAT is the momentary being…

core = essence = Self all on the vertical. It is like the depth… where you never change.
what: behavior, feelings, results… all on the horizontal. on the surface. It is like the clothes you wear… they don’t change who you are, but they interface with the world.

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Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

10 thoughts on “Who You Are, What You Are? What is your Essence? A new interpretation for Attitude”

  1. That was great Sophie. What I am seeing for my self from all your teachings is that I have to except the way life is, the way people are,the way country is… If a machine kicks in from the past I should except what happened and move on. If I get sick then except the sickness as part of nature doing some cleansing. If I get frustrated or angry I should accept the grief and not make big deal out of it trying to cover it up that life is good. Thank you.

  2. “The state of that acceptance, the state of looking at reality and allowing it to be, is what is called happy.”

    Well, I’ve got to work on both of these: to see reality as it is, and to allow it to be. Clear seeing AND acceptance. How much of this is choice? And how much training and learning?

  3. I don’t know. I guess it is individual. But choosing not to resist is definitely volitional. I don’t like when you use the word choice incorrectly. Choice is selecting freely after consideration… I don’t think that is what you meant.

  4. Sophie – Would you be willing to write a little about the distinction of “who” a person is and “what” a person is? I had difficulty seeing that distinction when we discussed it in class yesterday and I still haven’t been able to fully get it. Thank you.

  5. so much to being proud of myself… I really thought that yesterday, finally, I made something clear… only to find out that not so.

    I have added a summary for you to the end of the article.

    My hunch is that you resist being anything other than who you have considered yourself to be, because this is a big big change.

  6. Please don’t drop your feeling proud. Yesterday was a great coaching session for all of us. I’m just really stupid on the what/who distinction. I’ll bring up your hunch in the next coaching. There’s something there.

  7. Sophie, you are right. I am having a hard time getting back to my original thought.

    I want to learn more about your understanding of happy. Maybe this is another opportunity for you to distinguish happyness vs. happiness for us, if that is relevant.

    Let me try this out: I am happy, because I choose to be happy. I see the power I have to choose my essence, my beingness, by declaration, and I choose being happy. No longer a goal to be reached when exterior circumstances go a certain way, but a way of being in spite of circumstances. Happy, healthy, balanced, expanding, exploring, inventing, allowing, marveling, being truly engaged and deeply in touch with my humanity, growing in love and empathy for others. Happy regardless of my present circumstances, limitations, interpretations, viewpoint, story, and level of accomplishment. Divine play, as I sometimes say.

    Okay, that’s a challenge. Something to be happy about 😉

  8. happy about is the what… the horizontal.
    happy as a core, happy as a starting point is the who.

    the beauty of inventing WHO you are is that it’s simple. It becomes a context. It becomes a filter. It becomes an organizing principle.
    Sometimes there is a little bit of doing, but that’s OK.

    Yesterday one of the Canadians (merciless judgmental machines by culture) wrote a three page objective sounding death sentence to me and my methods and my products. It took a little time to find underneath the wreck the WHO. And see what happened for what it was: a letter from someone who had an opinion. That’s all. No need to resist.

    People’s opinion is people’s opinion, not the truth. And I can muscle test or look at every accusation one throws at me, and decide it for myself if it is accurate as a fact, or accurate for them, I can even build myself stronger.

    And having one unhappy customer doesn’t mean that I am worthless, and my products are worthless. It means I have someone who doesn’t like them.

    Not the end of the world.

    If I wanted to please everybody I would try to sell doughnuts… and even then some would not like it… lol.

    Now, about the second part of your “dissertation”.

    When you pick “happy” as your core, which you should, because it means that you pick accepting things as they are, without resisting them, wanting them to change, fixing them, then all the rest falls into place.

    Resisting is what uses your life force and nothing gets done.

  9. I have already dropped it. That pride was based on a lie.
    But I can deal with reality, because I have chosen as a WHO happy. It may take some weeping (unfulfilled expectation –> disappointment) and it may take some dismay (thwarted intention) but as long as I recognize all of it, everything that is real about it, I can be OK and powerful again.

    It is not instant. It takes work. But this time the work has an exactness to it: finding what’s real, finding your resistance, and seeing that it’s yours. Accepting as it’s yours. And seeing that it doesn’t serve you. Then it lets go… and you can be WHO you are while doing the work, and forever.

  10. Thank you for this tool of choosing as a WHO happy. When I successfully apply it, I feel it at my core and my resistance to reality actually does drop away. I still fail most of the time because when I command I am happy my mind jumps in and assumes it’s a WHAT command and says “who are you kidding”. But when I repeat the command until I feel it at my core, it works. And I feel strong. I love the exactness of it.

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