Want to change? Leave pop-psychology… go where you can actually change yourself


Had the Titanic crew known icebergs better, the ship would have never sunk.
This article is about your icebergs that you have never mapped out, never known deeply enough to change them.
The icebergs are sinking your every effort at a better life…

If you don’t feel liked: no amount of doing will make you feel liked.

If you don’t feel worthy: no amount of doing will make you feel worthy.

If you feel poor, no amount of money or possessions will make you feel rich.

I could continue to list all your bad feelings about yourself, the weather, your life, of Life.

Why don’t your efforts to change work? Because no amount of outside effort will change an inside matter.

Just like no amount of effort for another will make you pain free if you feel pain.

No amount of taking care of others will reduce your hunger if you are hungry.

It will just take your attention off your issue. But what is the real issue, until you attend to it directly, inwardly, will never change.

Let us look, for a moment, at some inner issues that manifest themselves outwardly, the icebergs of your life:

Complaint is one of the pieces that clues us in that there is an inner iceberg.

Blaming, judgment, superiority, inferiority, shyness, pretending, rushing, fixing, jumping into conclusions, trying, are all iceberg peaking out from the ocean of your being.

Before you can attend to anything successfully, you need to be able to observe it, with cold eyes, with the eyes of a scientist.

Watch it without judgment, watch it without meaning, watch it like watching the grass grow… expecting nothing, patiently, and for seemingly no reason.

The mind doesn’t like you doing it, observing. The mind wants to escape from the tedious task of senseless watching. It wants you to do something interesting… it has already made a decision about what you will see, it is now bored.

You need to trick the mind…

If you hang out long enough to observe, and allow the mind to wonder, while you, your “Observer” part, keep returning to the object of your observation, resisting jumping into any conclusion, jumping into any rash judgment, you will see something that will boggle your mind, but when you see it it will make a difference and will allow to change yourself and change your life.

The difference between pop-psychology (everything that is “out there”,) and real science is that real science uses observation: the mind cannot wrap itself around the idea of observation. The mind doesn’t have the patience to stay with it…

We’ll use real science methods to get to the core of your issues, so you can change.

My articles, from time to time, use quotes or notions that are similar to pop-psychology. In my viewer statistics, these are the articles readers flock to, share on the internet, tweet, comment on, etc.

Why? Because the mind finally found something that it can understand. Something it recognizes. And it says: Oh, goody, I can recognize that…

Except articles read with the mind do more damage than good: they allow you to stay the same. Smug in your knowing, miserable in your being.

So, what can you do?

How can you change even though your mind isn’t interested?

If you want to “play” in the big league, in the league where the new humanity is created, where people put themselves on the path to become a Human Being, inner guided, outwardly capable and successful, you can take on an item from the above list, the list of behavior that indicates that there is a deep huge iceberg under it.

I recommend that you stay with the “group” and take on complaint, inner or outer, for as long as you can, I will be able to assist you more effectively.

Take on complaint 1. Your own, others’…

The “job” is to just observe it. Don’t try to change it, don’t try to control it, just observe it. Of course everything changes once it is observed, but beyond the natural changing of things 2 just keep on observing it.

Complaining covers the biggest iceberg. Explaining, justifying is a variation of complaining. Sharing your emotional story is often a dead giveaway of a complaint.

If you need to, start a complaint diary. Write down the complaints and what form it took.

Unless you hang out with this for weeks, months, you’ll not see anything different than the mind allows you to see.

If you start but don’t continue: you learn something important about yourself: you probably won’t belong to the big league… you are just an excitement seeker. But any excitement seeker can turn into something else if they know they are excitement seekers. So you will have a choice.

iceberg-penguinsReturn to the task, and watch yourself having excuses, explanations, complaints… Just do it.

It is hard? You tend to forget it? Just do it.
You are too busy to do it? Just do it.

If you keep doing what you have always done, you’ll end up having what you have always had.


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  1. protest, objection, grievance, grouse, cavil, quibble, grumble;
    charge, accusation, criticism; jeremiad; beef, gripe, whinge; plaint, dislike, disgust, intolerance, etc. These are all a version of complaint.
  2. Quantum Mechanics, remember?

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

18 thoughts on “Want to change? Leave pop-psychology… go where you can actually change yourself”

  1. I woke up this morning with my ‘complaint’ going around my head like a broken record, I also went to sleep with the same complaint last night. At some point it dawned on me that I am enabling the situation to continue with all my ‘doing/rescuing/fixing’ and more than likely with a ‘I know better than you’ attitude. Even though I have deep concern and love for the person involved, I am still keeping it in place somehow. And I feel pretty powerless 🙁 Then I get out of bed and read your article and saw the grief balls, anger balls, resentment balls that have jumped into my throat and am finding it difficult to suck it up and let it go! Basically, I feel like the ham in the sandwich,,, I shall go read your article again. Many thanks x

  2. Dear anonymous, and others: please do NOT comment on this thread. Neither to prove that I am right, nor to prove that I am wrong about you. Also, don’t write emails to me that you don’t have any complaints, that you choose to be grateful instead.

    Write a comment to promise me that you’ll play. That is the only thing I am interested. Please.

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