We live in a “fix-it” culture. Doctors, chiropractors, coaches, husbands, parents (especially mothers) are all about fixing what’s wrong with you. No wonder that you relate to everything that is going on with you as something to fix.
What is part of the “fix-it” culture, and is hidden behind it, but gives it the context, is that what is going on is INTOLERABLE, and MUST BE FIXED.
It feels like an imperative… like a straightjacket.
What is the problem with fixing stuff?
You are trying to fix things with insufficient information, as a knee-jerk reaction.
Your results are disastrous: you have new problems springing up, and you have no idea that you have caused them yourself.
How you do anything is how you do everything… To the degree you have a reactive nature in one area, to the same degree you have reactive nature in all areas.
Example: My brother worked for me as my techie for a few years. He yelled at me every time we talked, he did horrible work, because he never looked beyond the surface, he never questioned if his decision was correct, or if his work, after he finished, was actually done correctly.
Yesterday he skype-d me. He is in the hospital. His health is deteriorating. One after the other his organs need to be fixed or removed.
Chances are he won’t live to a ripe old age.
His reactive nature will cause him to die prematurely.
I could tell you about all my students: on the coaching calls two kinds of reactions I observe:
1. shoot from the hip: answers every questions, maybe even correctly, but there is no looking… just regurgitating mind-stuff
2. slow, halting: the knee jerk reaction in this case is reacting to the fear of being stupid, or wrong, or whatever… still a reaction, still no looking… just the same old same old.
If you read carefully, the context behind the fix-it is the HAVING-TO, NEEDING-TO, WANTING-TO, and the SHOULD.
All a different type of knee-jerk reaction, where the looking stops at the trigger, where there is no chance for peace of mind, no chance to see the big picture, no chance to just be with what is, no chance to give permission for the world to be the world is.
The Unconditional Love Activator does not work on love. It works on inhibiting the HAVING-TO, NEEDING-TO, WANTING-TO, and the SHOULD so you can be with what is, so you can be at peace with what is, including yourself, so you can experience yourself as whole, complete, with no parts missing, nothing to fix.
The state of love… experiencing yourself or the world as whole, complete, with no parts missing, nothing to fix.
If you want to practice the “give yourself permission” exercise, if you are interested in happiness, inside or outside of the program I offer, you will do much better with the Unconditional Love Activator.
It will remove the behavior that keeps you a Jumping Jack, a reaction machine, a phony, a pleaser, a know-it-all, a do-gooder, a needy child… or whatever way you experience the world as wrong, with yourself the ‘wrongest’ in it.
In the Happiness program you’ll learn to release the block on your feelings, slowly, gradually, so you’ll be able to increase what is “tolerable”.
Remember, what keeps this “fix-it” culture going is the statement, the real context: “It must be fixed because it is intolerable”
It is a lie, but like any self-fulfilling prophecy, like any context, it becomes truer and truer, and your ability to be with (tolerate) feelings or things that look out of order diminishes.
The happiness program is a restoration program: the goal is to restore you to your original state where you can be with anything, where you are bigger than anything that can happen to you.
That is your natural state, and you CAN reach it… but it is completely up to you.
What life is like there? Smooth. Lovely. Laid back, with a hint of amusement, enjoyment, and power. The power to wait and see the whole picture, not just the tiny dot that seems to be sending messages that it needs fixing.
Smack after I wrote the previous article yesterday, I started to experience signs of grief and depression. Sadness.
I could not see what the cause of it was, so I just let it grow until I can see more.
This morning I got clear that it was only a guidance, so I can look beyond where I looked yesterday, thus came today’s article.
This shows that what you feel is not something to fix, but something to experience. If it hangs out even though you are not resisting it, even though you give yourself permission to feel it, it is almost certainly a guidance.
When that is the case, you can just meditate over it, or if that leads to nowhere (meditation is an art, and needs a lot of permission, more than feeling what you feel) you can ask me on a coaching call… that is, if you are a coaching client of mine.
Either way, your best bet is to start with the Unconditional Love Activator, if you haven’t gotten it yet.