I am sitting here this morning, playing Freecell.
Every game this morning is such that it takes no effort, no talent, no guidance.
WTF? What is the message here? If Freecell is my guidance system, and I have to extend no effort, what does that mean about me?
I am playing and I am thinking, probing, pondering.
Is it a reflection of my life? My life right now? That I am shying away from doing courageous things? Hm, that feels bad enough, so I must be on the right track! Bummer. I muscle test, and the answer is YES. Hm.
What would I be doing if I were not a coward? I mean, what is it that I am not doing because I have cowered, and chose to do something easy, that I can be sure to win at... like a computer game? Feeding the poor? Watching another video? Going to another teleseminar series?
What would I be doing if I were courageous? Where would my eyes go? They would go higher than they are going now... they may even go higher than I have ever looked?
Who are the people I've been inspired by, especially because of their courage? What really inspired me about them? Was it really their courage? Or was it because they had a vision? Or because they enrolled others, inspired others? Or because they believed they could do and they did it?
I personally like heroes that defy the impossible. That go for what can't be done. It is not important to me that it is achieved... I don't mean stupid, daring people who risk their life for something that is physically impossible, I mean people who go for something greater than themselves.
I haven't really been that person... Or have I?
As I was scouring my computer, I found an older article I believe I've never published.
An old proverb says, "He that cannot ask cannot live". If you want answers you have to ask questions. These are 15 questions (I have many more coming in other articles today and tomorrow!) you should ask yourself and try to answer. You can ask yourself these questions right now and then ponder. If you answer too fast: your answer came from your pretend self: good or bad, it is a pretense. Allow the questions simmer to go deep enough so it touches a nerve... figuratively. These questions are confronting. My bet is that you will see a shadow self both smaller and bigger than who you really are.
Do it. I your search for your real self these questions are amazingly effective.
You can also ask them about another person, and do the same thing: allow it to percolate: observe them long enough to get clear...
Much better game than computer games, scrabble, or hanky panky. I promise.
- Am I aware that someone always has it worse than me? Or do I keep my attention on what I don't have? Can I turn this around?
- Am I cheap? Stingy? As in "cheap bastard." Who am I cheap with? Am I cheap with myself? Am I cheap with my loved one? Do I care more about strangers than the people closest to me? Do I consider my pets more important, causes more important than the people I profess I love?
- Am I doing what I really want to do? What I really would like to do? Do I really want to do what I do? Is it fulfilling? Am I really good at it? Am I giving 100%? Am I doing it because I have fallen into it? Because I was asked to do it? Because doing something else would be change and I can't stand change? Am I doing it because I don't know what I like, and then anything will do?
- Am I greedy? As in "wanting what belongs to others" leaving them with nothing? Is my only hope for making money another's misery? Is that what I am attracted to?
- Am I healthy? As in vibrant, energetic, peaceful, expanding, and light-hearted?
- Am I honest? With others and in myself? Or do I consider twisting the truth, not talking about what isn't true while "not lying?"
- Am I negative? As in seeing what is wrong with people, myself, with life, with society, with government, with corporations, with the weather, with my landlord, with... If I can find just one wrong thing about any of them... I'll look at the emotional content. There is wrong as a fact, and then there is wrong as an emotion...
- Am I nice? Do I consider another person's feelings in my dealings with them? Am I too nice? Maybe even a nice machine?
- Am I open minded? Or just simply open? Or closed? Open to suggestions, open to change, open to challenge, open to life? Can I master my judging tendencies long enough to at least hear and get what others are trying to say? Or am I an automatic NO? What is that about? Do I already know? Am I afraid of trying anything new on?
- Am I positive? I mean, am I expecting the best of myself and other people, or am I looking in the past and bad experience to conjure up the memories of what to expect? Another failure, another bad experience? Do I think that things never change? Do I concentrate on weaknesses, mistakes, bad experiences to the point where life is all about those?
- Am I satisfied with my appearance? Do others agree with me? Do others find me attractive? Do people have to lie about that so as to not hurt my feelings?
- Am I selfish? I mean in a healthy way: wanting the make the most of myself to make the most impact on the world? Or am I Self sacrificing... playing small so others don't get offended that I am bigger than them?
- Am I successful? And if I am (or am not) whose measure did I use to determine that? Is being successful a function of the past or of the future?
- Do I annoy others? Did they say that? Or did I make that up? do I bring that into every interaction, like a baggage, unaware that it's mine?
- Do I ask enough questions? And if I do, are my questions to make certain that what I am thinking is correct, or is there real curiosity involved? And when people answer: am I interested in what they have to say?
More questions to come...