Are you a fixer? Trying to fix what’s wrong?

boat-groundedWrong doing, wrong making, wrong place, wrong, wrong, wrong, and how can you raise yourself above it all…

  • Making yourself wrong leads to giving up on yourself
  • Making others wrong leads to hating yourself
  • Making life wrong leads to anger and misery

Imagine being in a boat, attempting to cross the Atlantic, or just out on a joy ride.

Now, imagine that suddenly your boat get grounded and you are stuck.

Your “natural” or “default” action at this point is the feel bad, make yourself wrong, make the map maker, your luck, god wrong for your misfortune.

ground-on-a-rockYou may try to drag your boat back into the water, only to bloody your hands, knees, but the boat won’t budge.

You are now frantic, angry, frustrated, devastated, desperate, afraid, and you go through a whole range of emotions, because you should be somewhere else, it should not have happened, and it is wrong. Wrong, wrong wrong.

I have a student who lived on that imaginary boat for a whole two years while being my student, and no matter what I said she was struggling, efforting, and alternatively getting angry, and depressed.

One day she took her attention off her boat and her misery, and found something worthy of her attention: she took a class in painting. She did well… she even forgot about her boat she was having such a good time.

Then she took a class on designing and creating something. She created a travel bag. I saw it. It was great.

Then she took another class, emboldened. It was hard, but just barely, and her results were great.

Then another class, and this time, in spite of the class being disorganized, poorly managed, buggy, she managed to keep her attention on what she was doing and she didn’t join her complaining class mates.

And, pay attention, while she was doing what she was doing, taking classes, having fun, having small victories over herself, she found that her boat became water-borne again: the tide turned around, as it always does, and she can now continue her journey, while continuing having fun with courses.

She is my “oldest” student, she started with me on that memorable September 27, in 2011. When it all began, publicly. My work.

For two years she and her life looked stuck. And then she did what she did, small challenges, small victories, and her life isn’t stuck any more.

The secret was to take off her attention on what was wrong, and put her attention where she had power.

When you stop making wrong yourself, others, and life, your attention freed up, you can make the tide of misfortune, misery, missed opportunities, turn around and make your boat water-borne again.

The key is acceptance. The key is permission.

When you give yourself permission to be where you are, what you are, how you are, you release energy, that can now be used for something constructive.

That is what the Happiness coaching is about. Not feeling happy, but BEING happy.

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

4 thoughts on “Are you a fixer? Trying to fix what’s wrong?”

  1. “When you give yourself permission to be where you are, what you are, how you are, you release energy, that can now be used for something constructive.” Yes! Since you suggested making a new context and choosing to cause life by accepting what is present during the Happiness Coaching Call last week, already a lot of energy is freed up, resistance gone. I am surprised (delighted!) at how quickly it worked, and I am only at the beginning. Thank You.

  2. It took quite a while, but your “If it is to be, it is up to me” was ringing in my ears, so I started looking, observing my moves/no-actions and what else I could do. What IS up to me? And it turns out that almost everything, in my life I do (or don’t do), is up to me, is my choice, decision, move… hmmm, sounds so simple now… Yes, the greatest victory is to conquer yourself, your own dark side.
    Thank you, Sophie, for being there.

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