The only reason humans, as a species have survived so far is because of humans' use of the brain to create protection from predators and the elements.
Nothing has changed: we, humans, are as vulnerable as every, but we have forgotten that the survival of the species depends on each individual in the species: it cannot be delegated to authorities, police, the medical establishment and the like. It has to happen on the individual level first and foremost.
We pretend not to know, because we really don't care, that for a child to grow up healthy, the child needs a supportive environment with a sense of safety, including emotional safety.
We, it seems to me, don't give a hoot about that. We expect our children to be like strong adults, understand that life is not fair, and it is weird: because we seem to have forgotten how horrible it was for us to grow up in an environment that didn't give us a chance to be children by protecting us.
Although we hear about fathers, mostly, it is a conspiracy. Women are guilty far more often than men, of damaging the sense of safety, the sense of being OK of their children, either by expecting them to be different than they are, to be out of the way so they can have sex, or whatever they want to fill their lives with, or actually trading their own interest in a predator companion to their children's safety.
Animal mothers are fierce protectors of their children, but human mothers are both enablers of abuse and abusers themselves.
I have a theory that sex for pleasure is largely a Dark Side invention, or at least an interest encouraged by and promoted by Dark Side.
Children are a side effect of sex, unconscious, self serving sex. The consciousness that the parents have when the child is "made" is going to have the strongest effect on the child and on the child's development. Whether it is because "how you do anything is how you do everything" or because there is a deeper, soul level phenomenon, I don't know. But either way, the child is either planned for or not.
I haven't met a student who was planned. I have only met people who were an accident, tolerated but not really wanted, loved, planned for, included.
It is a lot of work to ameliorate, to counter the effect of the environment the child grew up in. Takes years; in my case it took six decades.
This article is not written to blame you. Taking on blame, deflection blame, arguing blame is not going to help: in fact they are more harmful that your current state of denial.
What we are dealing with a rotten situation, all pervasive, and cannot be changed on any level.
My only "tool" is restoring my students to a place where they can have compassion, where they can get conscious, where they will stop passing on the suffering they have endured.
No one is an exception: it is only a degrees issue. Some parents hurt their children more than others, some parents care less than other parents.
My goal is to build a new seed of humanity that is aware of the roots: you can't develop into a healthy adult, and you cannot live as a healthy adult unless your sense of safe is restored and maintained.
You can't even sleep well... No matter how many tricks you have learned, how many remedies you buy, how many self-hypnosis lessons you take, how many pills you put into your body.
It takes courage and it takes Life Force to work through the traumas of childhood, the traumas of adulthood. And with each encounter both courage and Life Force gets stronger, if the work is done relating to the entirety of the human: all aspects need to pull their weight, the Ego, the Soul, and the Will.
It is not an event, like many so called teachers and organizations want us to believe: it is a journey. People that don't like journeys, that want it ready and now will never be able to pull it off... It is not a two-bit solution, not a fixing, not a solution. It is much more than that.
I am working with some students on their history... but I won't take new students at this point: I won't take anyone who hasn't proven to me that they have the courage, the energy and the commitment.
This is not a quantity issue as it is for the transformational organizations: a transformational mill: take a weekend, maybe take the Curriculum for Living... unfortunately I haven't met anyone who came out of that ahead of the game... too little, too public, too run of the mill...
PS: if you are interested in removing the shackles your childhood has on your life, you may want to consider signing up to my list... If you are already on my list, no need to sign up.