Spiritual? Religious? Atheist?

wizardozIt is undeniable that there is more to reality than what you can see with your eyes. The below the water level stuff… or behind the curtain type of stuff… mostly about the invisible dynamics, the invisible motive powers of people, and maybe even stuff.

I grew up atheist, a Marxist, and a seriously anti-religious child. Most of that wasn’t from my parents, I don’t ever remember them talking about any of that among themselves: they almost never talked to me about anything.

I never thought there were monsters under the bed, or that the Easter Bunny filled the boots in the windows (we are talking about Hungarian customs, don’t get confused!) or any other superstition. I was free to observe… unimpeded, unhindered, unguided by others’ imagination and fantasies, like religion.

I knew there were at least two layers to every human: what they showed and what was inside…

I didn’t know I was an empath, and I didn’t know others didn’t see the behind the curtain motivators, but I could feel them, I could see them. And I was angry and disgusted most of the time.

At some point I came to America only to be thoroughly confused by people’s words and the reality that was behind the curtain… People would say: I am not religious, I am spiritual… and there was the syrupy outside and the rotten inside, the lie. The gap as wide as anything I had every seen, unbridgeable.

I always wondered what they meant. I suspected that it had something to do with the word “loooove” or “luv” and that it was a lie. It churned my stomach. Lies do that to my stomach, you know.

One of the reason people suppress their capacity to have empathy is because most parents have this lie: what they feel and what they show. Maybe they lie to themselves as well, maybe they practice what they heard: fake it till you make it… but they never make it, and they fake it until they rot inside and out.

Some people are well preserved outside but rot inside…

The phenomenon to say something other with your words and actions and your feelings is called double bind… The simplest way to say it: the outside pretends to pull, the inside forcefully push you away. For a little kid this is very disconcerting, so they shut one side off, or go on being disconcerted and stop trusting anything. Many become schizophrenic, bipolar, add… it’s ok if your parent doesn’t love you, but it’s not OK if they pretend they do. It raises havoc in the psyche of the child.

I learned about double bind from my patient file on the psych ward. First they diagnosed me as schizophrenic, mainly because of the double bind, and my desire to run away from it all.

Now, let’s look what spiritual could really mean. According to the online dictionary, spiritual means stuff of not the physical world… 1 And by physical world we normally mean: observable with your five senses, sight, hearing, touch, taste and smell.

We could also say that spiritual is the what is Life is, what animates live things, what moves them, what is behind the curtain (The Wizard of Oz reference)

You see the effects, but you don’t see the cause. It feels supernatural, because what is natural is normally what we can perceive and understand with our five senses. Or if we can’t understand it, then we just explain it by the effects… that is what doctors do… explain away what they don’t understand.

I sometimes think of myself as a spiritual teacher, because I only deal with the behind the curtain stuff. I am in search of the cause instead of the effect…

I have some understanding, but not enough to reveal the little old man behind the curtain, although I am getting glimpses of it, and then document what I saw in this blog.

Everything I know you can read on this blog, I hold nothing back. I don’t keep the best stuff for my paying clients. I get paid for my energy products, and I get paid for someone having access to me.

Most people that read this site are do it yourself-ers. They have the illusion that knowing about something is useful. It isn’t. It is like knowing about food won’t satisfy your hunger.

The knowledge that I gleaned from what I see is only useful when it is put to use to alter the many distortions, the many misunderstandings that you see the world through, through going back and re-living the moments that distorted your view.

Do it yourself transformation is thinking that you can do surgery on your stomach or your brain yourself.

bathIn the movie What the Bleep the photographer played by the deaf actress Marlee Matlin uses a marker to paint hearts on her body, meaning love love love… hoping that it changes something inside. This is do it yourself transformation. This is what raise your vibration gurus teach you to do: feel a little better about yourself for a moment… and the moment you stop doing that “thing” they teach you to do, you are fully back in your misery, because it is like concealer put on syphilitic sores, 2 just window dressing, leaving the infectious symptom of inner misery and disease untouched.

Do my energy products do more? A little more. But without correcting the distortions their effect on your vibration is still temporary.

These energy products are best used in conjunction with coaching and doing transformational work.

This is what I offer, this combination, as the best path to restore you to who you were meant to be.

All of it is dealing with the behind the curtain stuff… because that is where it all comes from.


  1. spir·it·u·al
    adjective: spiritual

    of, relating to, or affecting the human spirit or soul as opposed to material or physical things.
    “I’m responsible for his spiritual welfare”
    synonyms: nonmaterial, incorporeal, intangible; More
    inner, mental, psychological;
    transcendent, ethereal, otherworldly, mystic, mystical, metaphysical;
    “your spiritual self”
    antonyms: physical
    (of a person) not concerned with material values or pursuits.
    of or relating to religion or religious belief.
    “the tribe’s spiritual leader”
    synonyms: religious, sacred, divine, holy, nonsecular, church, ecclesiastical, faith-based, devotional More
    “spiritual writings”
    antonyms: secular

    noun: spiritual; plural noun: spirituals; noun: Negro spiritual; plural noun: Negro spirituals

    a religious song of a kind associated with black Christians of the southern US, and thought to derive from the combination of European hymns and African musical elements by black slaves.

    Middle English: from Old French spirituel, from Latin spiritualis, from spiritus (see spirit).

  2. Syphilis has several stages.

    Primary syphilis is the first stage. Painless sores ( chancres) form at the site of infection about 2-3 weeks after you are first infected. You may not notice the sores or any symptoms, particularly if the sores are inside the rectum or cervix. The sores disappear in about 4-6 weeks, even without treatment. The bacteria become dormant (inactive) in your system at this stage. For more specific information about this type of syphilis, see primary syphilis.
    Secondary syphilis occurs about 2-8 weeks after the first sores form. About 33% of those who do not have their primary syphilis treated will develop this second stage. These symptoms will often also go away without treatment and again, the bacteria become dormant (inactive) in your system. For more specific information about this type of syphilis, see secondary syphilis.
    Tertiary syphilis is the final stage of syphilis. The infection spreads to the brain, nervous system, heart, skin, and bones. The dormant bacteria may be detectable either by seeing the damage they cause to a part of the body, or through a blood test for syphilis. For more specific information about this type of syphilis, see tertiary syphilis.

Author: Sophie Benshitta Maven

True empath, award winning architect, magazine publisher, transformational and spiritual coach and teacher, self declared Avatar

3 thoughts on “Spiritual? Religious? Atheist?”

  1. Sophie, something else to look at. My whole shyness, inward-turned life thing has a dark side: A kind of lack of empathy and connection to others. A lifetime of being wrapped up in my own little reality.

  2. This hurts, but I accept it; there is truth in what you are saying. I will observe my habitual ways of thinking and speaking.

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