I love watching movies, I love reading, I am a half introvert half extrovert person.
I have met someone (Ben Settle) with similar personality, to adopt as a teacher. I start my day with reading his email. And I always find some way to become bigger from it.
On some level, in some aspect, you need to be the same as your teacher, or you won't let them get through to you... My parents were both so different from me, that I learned only two sentences worth from them, both from my father.
One of his teaching was a sentence that I misunderstood for at least 50 years... until I got what he meant.
I just watched the documentary, Minding the Gap, It's about three boys who bond over skateboarding, and a shared childhood of abuse.
The documentary is made by one of the three boys, 15 years of their lives you get to witness.
You can't avoid to look at your own life. No escape.
There is so much grief, in everyone, and it is so hard to recover from it. It took me a lifetime... And grief is not just beating, or molestation, it is everything that lands as abuse, not letting you wear what you prefer to wear, not letting you eat what you prefer to eat, not helping you with your homework, belittling every effort you make, forcing you to visit with your father even though you don't want to, complaining to your child about things that a child can't handle, the way to abuse is so many, that there is probably not a child who wasn't abused one way or another.
As a kid, my teacher said about me that I was amoral. Not immoral... amoral. Immoral: not conforming to accepted standards of morality. Amoral, on the other hand is lacking a moral sense; unconcerned with the rightness or wrongness of something.
Now, whether that was true or not: I don't know. In fact, I have no idea. I think every child is amoral: we haven't been indoctrinated in a moral code... aka code book.
I woke up disgruntled... (=angry, dissatisfied) almost ready to go into devastation (which is my "home page") but it all changed as I sat down and began to write. What was going to be a rant, became a celebration.
You never know where your learning will come from... bits and pieces
I put all the cash I had at hand, $25, in an envelope yesterday and wrote on it: to Frank the mailman. Today I found a Christmas card, the only one I got, from Frank the mailman, saying "Thank you for the gift."
I cried. I am still crying. Big learning here... even though I don't know what it is... Hopefully by the end of the article I will.
I just spent a few hours listening to really smart behavioral economists,
At the end, when they thought the microphone was already off, the interviewer and the interviewee said: "we should do this every day, we could get good at it."
This topic comes from a reader, thank you. Without her prompting I would have never looked there. It would have been a big missing.
I am going to share only what I really know, from my experience, not some theories of some big names, like Freud... I am giving you only Tree of Life.
In my experience, most people have self-punishment to some degree.
There are quite a few ways to get to guilt and shame, which is at the root of this behavior.
Self-punishment for doing something wrong, lack of self-discipline
One way is to do things that we know are wrong. We want it, desire it fervently, and then we do it. If the environment is unforgiving or we have even seen anyone punished, verbally or physically, we expect to be punished.
Desire for pleasure is like a two-sided coin (do you know a coin that is not two sided? lol). One side is the fulfillment of the want or desire for pleasure, the other side is always misery. Why? Because pleasure is momentary. It comes with a downside, and the downside is either guilt, or more desire plus guilt. Continue reading "Self-Punishment, Self-Punishing Behavior"
How I kicked up the hornet's nest when I combined two energies... ugh... that hurts
I made the HOE, the combination of all the Heaven on Earth energies some seven years ago. HOE, the word, I knew then, would make sense some day.
It's a long road to hoe... and it's been a long road.
But why hoe? I'll explain in a minute.
Some good ideas are still good ideas after a week... this one, combining the Big bundle and the HOE wasn't such a bright idea...
Ever since I started to use the Big Bundle with HOE, I am sleeping worse. So much so, that I stopped listening to the audio on the headphones while sleeping. But I had it on the mini speaker in the bedroom... and although the Big Bundle is not very effective if it is played in the background, it still made me notice how busy my mind was, how much I dreamed, how much of my night I spent in thinking, or maybe having thoughts. Continue reading "This article is really only for my inner circle… my clients and my students"