Trying To Connect? Not Sure If You Are Connecting? Some Answers For You…

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Trying To Connect? Not Sure If You Are Connecting? Some Answers For You...

Here are some questions and some answers to issues people are having:

In my conversations with some of the Pioneers, I muscle test if they connect and the muscle test often says "no."

When I invite them to do it live with me and also with the video, I see the following:

  1. Those of you that the Principle of Power is too low: you won't even try... You get the handouts, but you won't do anything for yourself.
  2. Continue reading "Trying To Connect? Not Sure If You Are Connecting? Some Answers For You…"

Motivation and Fear: The Importance of Both

What is motivation? It is the desire that moves... People say they are not motivated, but the truth is that every time you do something to fill a desire: sit down, watch tv, order a pizza... there is a motivation.

People like to say that they are not motivated, but what they are saying is that the action that is required of them has less power, less motive power than the fear accompanying it.

The truth is that every action that is taking you to an unknown, unpredictable area of life, future, is going to be accompanies with fear. Our reptilian brain makes sure of it.

Fear is our constant companion. As humans that got off the trees, were at the mercy of their fear to keep them alive. Every sort of danger was waiting them out there, and fear was a useful tool to keep them alive.

But, as you can see, humans used fear, instead of being paralyzed by them: they got out there and hunted, and gathered, and built shelters... and the ones that survived formed your ancestors.

The art is to consider fear and consider the danger, and then choose to move.

As long as fear is to be obeyed, for you, you are never going to amount to much, and you will live your life in quiet desperation, like billions of others.

I teach the art of looking, observing, considering and choosing. Look up my classes, my products, my coaching... because living a life of quiet desperation is a horrible excuse for a life.

Robert Kennedy once said, "Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly." This profound statement may seem simple, but there is much more to it than meets the eye. This statement hints at the reality that motivation and fear can be closely linked.

It is common to fear failure. As humans, we do not like to lose. We do not like to be wrong. We do not like to be embarrassed. We do not like to be rejected.

And yet, the most successful people throughout history failed many times en route to their greatest achievements. Michael Jordan didn't make his high school basketball team at first. Thomas Edison failed thousands of items in his attempts to make some of his greatest inventions. Christopher Columbus was rejected several times in his attempts to get approval for a voyage across seas.

Great success often requires failure, for failure teaches you how to do things better. Failure makes you wiser. Failure makes you better equipped to take on greater challenges.

But you must meet failure with respect. You must appreciate all that it holds within it. All the power within failure can be yours if you can see it beyond the surface.

Yet most people do not appreciate failure. In fact, failure repels most. Further, the fear of failure keeps many people from even attempting things at which they might not initially succeed.

If you want great things in life, you have to be willing to fail. And you have to be willing to fail many times over. Failure is a part of life. It is what makes us better. It is what makes us stronger. It is what makes us wiser.

We often seek motivation to get over the fear of failure. Instead, we should be motivated to seek out failure and learn from it. We should not hide from failure, for it is one of the most valuable teaching tools in life.

If you want motivation to face your fear of failure, try something that you most likely will fail at. Then take a closer look at your failure and try again. It is likely that you will do better the second time. Even if you fail again, you will be closer to success because of your efforts. Now you will know two ways that don't work and can find another way that might.

By not trying, you will never succeed. By making yourself willing to fail, you will open up many great doors that were previously closed to you.

Dare to fail. Expect to succeed.

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What Is the Difference Between Alcoholism and Addiction?

This is an article that I copied over to my blog... so I can talk about some of the differences between how main stream handles alcoholism and how I handle it.

In my work, alcohol is an avoidance strategy: the person with the drinking would rather feel positive emotions, than deal with what there is to deal with: life, thoughts, emotions, relationships, problems.

Moving away and doing something that distracts one from an unwished for situation, thought, or feeling is called: obeying an urge.

Unless a person is taught different ways to relate to thoughts, feelings, memories, emotions, they will just continue to avoid them. Even if they become sober, they will just replace the alcohol with other behavior or substances: nothing changed inside.

Simple behavior modification doesn't do it. A whole inner change is required, a superior skill to control one's attention, that can be developed with practice.

Most humans living today are addicts and avoiders, one way or another. TV, internet, facebook, reading, sex, work, exercise, politics, sports... you can use any activity to avoid what you don't like... and people do it, while they languish, and stop growing.

Check out my programs, courses, coaching, audios... they work.

The distinction between alcoholism and addiction is a dying one. For decades alcoholism has been classified separately from addiction even though both have identical symptoms and treatment options. These differences can be seen in the development of huge groups dedicated to one substance or another such as Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous. However the fact of the matter is that alcohol is simply a substance like any other. Because addiction is not classified according to the drugs the person uses, it's only logical that alcohol be treated in a similar manner.

Many addiction professionals are beginning to classify alcoholism simply as addiction. This is because no distinctions can be made between how addiction forms, progresses and is treated and how alcoholism is formed, progresses and is treated. This is described below:

How Addiction Forms Versus How Alcoholism Forms

When a substance such as cocaine, marijuana, heroin or alcohol causes the reward and pleasure center of the brain to be stimulated, the brain creates a "log" of associations concerning the events that led up to the "reward" of using the substance. When these associations are solidified with continued use, neurological pathways are constructed in the brain that facilitates the entire process. These pathways become permanent over time, and because they were developed in response to a substance, they can cause powerful urges that will compel the person to use the substance again and again. This physiological process doesn't care what the substance is- the result is the same whether you're talking about alcohol or drugs.

Signs and Symptoms of Addiction versus Alcoholism

Whether your substance of choice is alcohol or any drug, the symptoms of addiction are the same. While the physical symptoms might vary according to the substance and severity of the problem, the behavioral symptoms are universal:

1.) Loss of control- this presents as an inability to remember how much or what type of substance was taken, when the last use was, what other substances are involved, where the substance is located, or by overdosing.

2.) Obsession- an addict's life is centered on substance abuse. They think and talk about it constantly and always seem to be planning when to use next, how much to use, who to use with and so on.

3.) Continuation despite serious consequences- this is an important distinction and one that applies to all substances. Addiction is most noted as a disease of compulsion. People who are addicted do not stop using even when their lives are falling apart.

Treatment of Alcoholism versus Addiction

There is no difference whatsoever between treatment for alcoholism and treatment for addiction. Most rehab centers make no real distinction and patients are generally a mixed bag of alcoholics and drug addicts or both. Treatment includes detox (especially for dangerous substances such as benzodiazepines and alcohol) and residential inpatient or outpatient treatment. Therapies employed at most rehab centers apply to both alcoholism and addiction and include individual, group and family therapy.

Ultimately, alcohol is just another substance. If you're suffering from addiction to any substance or know someone who is that needs help, you should know that you can pick up the phone right now and get the process started with a free, no-obligation professional consultation.

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Life Is Like a Bruce Lee Movie – Create Positive Outcomes and Adventure With Your Mind

The gist of this article is to go within. Within really means: go to the vertical, instead of staying and living on the horizontal plane with all the drama, all the conflicts, all the bumping into this and that.

Being fluid like water is only possible when you approach life from your vertical being... the one that is unattached to the outcome, unattached to looking good, being right, comparing, remembering, thinking.

Bruce Lee lived that life, and, unfortunately, he was unique. But it is your birth right to be like him, it is the birthright of every person: except that you try to be like him and stay on the horizontal plane: too bad for you. You may be strong, but you won't be fluid.

I teach people how to tell their vertical apart from their horizontal plane... it is not easy given everything that is being taught... but it's possible.

Take a look at my classes, videos, audios, and coaching calls. If you are willing, I can teach you.

Someone once said life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you are gonna get. Well, though not a complete misnomer, it's certainly not a very helpful philosophical view now is it? Unless you have a crystal ball, then the future is impossible to accurately predict.

You can certainly strongly influence your outcomes. In fact, the kind of company you keep and the conditioning you are exposed to will hugely determine everything in your life from success in relationships to success in your financial standing. Within your mind is the key to manifesting most of your outcomes.

There has never been more conclusive evidence to suggest, that as individuals we all have far more power to not only influence the outcomes in our own lives, but contribute to the greater picture. The amount of thought energy we emit is directly linked to what is called the collective consciousness. This ultimately determines the way in which the world manifests today.

If you are a young man, attempting to understand his place in the world, then do not ask society for your answers. Your answers are within. Shakespeare, known for the occasional bright view, once said,

"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages."

This may be one of the most helpful philosophical views you can absorb. Add this to a gold nugget from the Future president of America (don't rule it out folks!), The Trumpster himself, then you have a simple but effective way of approaching your re-invented lifestyle.

His motto simply is, "Think Big!" The identities you may find yourself trapped in now, are not who you really are. You can re-invent who you are and want to be anytime you want. Now add a gold nugget from Bruce Lee, and you can really begin cooking. You will have some great ingredients to spice up your life.

Bruce Lee says, "Be like water." That doesn't mean be wet. It means be fluid, and adaptable. If you only applied these 3 views to your life, you can already begin to see how to create more exciting possibilities. When you fully embrace this attitude, you can create the adventure that becomes your life.

If you simply buy into what society and the box provides, then you will fail to realize who you really are. As a free spirited virile young man, much of your adventure will be provided by the seduction arts. The art of seducing amazing women. This is only possible when you have enough 'attraction networth'. That is the combination of authentic confidence and experience.

This is why it is preferable to pursue other diverse activities that will constantly challenge you. Explore ideas and experiences that will shape a man, that female seek to align with. In many cases they will have no choice in being attracted to such a guy. So remember, this movie is about you, and not the girl.

What character or characters do you want to play, and how thick do you see the plot? Do you see yourself as the victim or the hero? What do you want to create or change? Who are you inspiring or destroying? Who are your angels or demons? Be creative. Be explorative. Be open minded. Think bigger, and live bigger still.

This is your journey, and no-one can judge you for being who you need to be. There are no rules, except the rules you choose to hold or let go off. It's your call. The more you look within, the more you will hear the answers. Whether you want to live like a playboy, or build an empire, so you can change the world, or meditate on a mountainside, whatever you choose, will be right, if you are tuned into your soul.

Maybe you will choose all of them. What a great movie & film character that would be!

If you are fresh to this attitude, then at least try it, and you can make a better educated opinion on what you think life is about. If you are a young man, new to philosophy, here are 3 simple but powerful quotes to live your life by. They are pretty solid and will almost certainly serve you well.

1. The world is a stage

2. Think big

3. Be like water

Now get off the net and go forth & create your! It's in your hands!

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Why Knowing Yourself Is The Foundation Of Personal Growth

Know thyself... said the Greeks, and I can't agree more.

Unless you are clear about where you are, what are your limitations, what are your inner pulls (conation), your results in life will be puny, in every area of life.

Know Thyself If men would search diligently their own minds, and examine minutely their thoughts and actions, they would be more cautious in censuring the conduct of others, as they would find in themselves abundantly sufficient cause for reproof. "It is a good horse that never stumbles;" and lie is a good man indeed who cannot reproach himself with numerous slips and errors." "Every bean has its black," and every man his follies and vices.

The adage also teaches us to set a proper value upon ourselves, and to be careful not to do anything that may degrade us. It is not known to whom we are indebted for this golden rule; we only learn that it is of very long standing, and was held in such high estimation by the ancients, that it was placed over the doors of their temples, and it was also supposed by them, that " E coelo descen- dit," it came down from heaven. " 'Man know thyself!' tins precept from on high Came down, imagined by the Deity; Oh! be the words indelibly imprest On the live tablet of each human breast.

But how do you Know Yourself? Know yourself as others know yourself? Know about yourself? Know what psychologist made up as a category for yourself? Do the test that was devised for testing privates sent to fight in the VietNam war?

People want to know themselves to make it easier to win... to make it easier to beat bad habits. To justify why they are the way they are.

My experience (as a coach, 30 years and thousands of people), has been that you do best when you know your machine. Your machine has a bent... an inclination, and if you know it you can be successful... with any machine.

Some 30 years ago I had a car I didn't have to lock, because only I could drive it. It would stall for everyone else. I drove it another 100 thousand miles. I got it after the previous owner gave up on it. It had 160 thousand miles on it.

The knowledge: know yourself, here, with that car, applied to the car and myself, together. The car was seriously flawed... but no one could have guessed from the outside, when I drove it.

I have dyslexia, serious, but I read one or two books every week. I also write for a living.

I had two major episodes of brain damage: you wouldn't know it. I know how to drive my machine.

My soul correction is arrogance and condescension. It's taken me longer to drive my life with these horrible afflictions, but knowing it made it possible.

When you know all the quirks of your machine, when you know what is your unscratchable itch, when you know what the machine will do unless you compensate for it, you can take your machine anywhere, any heights, any distance, any achievement.

As you work to grow in different areas in you life, it is important to really know yourself. The concept of not knowing yourself may sound preposterous to some people, but hear me out. Because we live such hectic lives, it is important to take time to become reacquainted with ourselves. It is very easy to get so focused on living life that we lose ourselves in the hustle and the bustle. With every phase in life, we change and evolve, and if all goes as planned, we should not be the same person we were five years ago. This is not to say that everything about us has to change, but it is perfectly natural and healthy to mature and grow in different areas.

Knowing yourself can help you improve your work ethic because you can really understand your limitations and know when you are pushing yourself too hard. If you are a self starter like me, you would probably work for 24 hours a day if you could. In fact, you've probably had to make yourself step away from your work one more than one occasion. While this self starting attitude is a good thing, it can also be a problem. If you aren't careful, your desire for success can drive others away from you and actually ruin relationships. You may be thinking, "I thought we were supposed to be able to accomplish everything." That is true, but sometimes you can bite of much more than you can chew, and running yourself into the ground to accomplish goals in not healthy. The beauty of accomplishing goals and achieving personal growth is discovering the balance of work and play.

While it is important to know your limits, knowing yourself helps you to know what you can't accomplish as well as what you can accomplish. Many times, people don't push themselves to accomplish real goals simply because thy think don't think they'll be successful. Once you really know yourself, you will know what you can accomplish. However, if you never try, you'll never know how much you can truly accomplish.

When you know yourself, it is easier to keep yourself motivated. It you met someone for the first time, and they asked you to encourage them without giving you any details about their life, you would have a hard time encouraging them. By being aware of the types of things that keep you motivated, you will be less likely to reach that rock bottom point where you feel like your world is crumbling around you. It is best to constantly encourage and motivate yourself as your grow and mature.

How do you react to disappointment? What do you do when you're sad? How often do you need to take time to truly relax? In order to maintain balance in your life, you have to constantly ask yourself these types of questions. Not only do you need to know yourself in order to have a strong foundation for personal growth, but you also have to be willing to motivate yourself when things are less than ideal.

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Spirituality and Personality: The Psycho-Spiritual Controversy

If you have been involved in either therapy or counselling, or spirituality and meditation, in recent years you have probably encountered two basic, polarized viewpoints concerning personality. Essentially it amounts to this: therapists are pro-personality (and its improvement through healing neurosis etc.) while spiritual teachers proclaim personality a big waste of time, since neurotic or not, you are more than your personality.

This is not particularly surprising, since therapy and counseling tend to be concerned with the individual, while spiritual practices are concerned with higher matters. But it does lead the novices and beginners into a quandary where they are faced with the decision of what to do about personality. On the one hand, therapy could be an expensive, futile effort to better the personality, whereas, on the other hand, spiritual practice may offer an excuse to leave personal problems behind, with the justification that you are moving on to more lofty concerns.

In the extensive time I have been engaged in therapy and spirituality I can say that I have discovered the answer to this controversy! And I don't say it without reluctance and a certain caution, since my answer is liable to offend both camps -- therapists and spiritual teachers. Perhaps my answer is less a rejection or abandonment of one viewpoint for another and more of a synthesis. This may be an answer of the best kind - the kind that doesn't marginalize or dismiss anyone's experience or viewpoint. For my answer, while radically new and innovative, does not fundamentally disagree with either point of view, but considers each appropriate to the complex, total unfolding process of our human nature and potential.

My answer to the dilemma is to propose a third band of human experience. I call this "the authentic self" and since I am not using any unusual words I need to define this term, because I do mean something specific. The authentic self, in the way I use the term, is the bridge between the personality and the spiritual self. It is arrived at usually, but not always, after a lengthy period of intensive, deep, applied and consistent inner work. This inner work consists of a journey of self-discovery in which one circumvents the self, becoming increasingly aware of the conscious and unconscious material that comprises one's sense of self, or ego. This involves character, which is essentially defensive strategy or an intelligent, protective reaction to early conditioning, which becomes increasingly calcified and adapted throughout adolescence and adult life. Character is composed of the way in which we survive and protect ourselves from inner and outer stimuli and ultimately avoid really meeting life. It creates a self-imposed prison -- limitations in which we feel falsely safe.

Self-discovery also involves cultivating our awareness of personality, or the way in which character (defenses and strategies) is experienced. Both inwardly and outwardly we erect a barrier to experience -- life events and other people -- which is a mask, façade or persona which eclipses the real person, or our true nature.

We also raise emotional and behavioural patterns out of the murky stratum of the unconscious, out of unawareness, and see just how much our life is lived automatically, as an automaton without real human response, emotional feeling, resonance, empathy or even awareness.

The process of self-discovery involves witnessing, reliving and remembering, practicing awareness and releasing pent-up emotions, returning the bodymind, through self-regulating, self-healing and self-referral, to a natural state of balance, ease and relaxation, and opening to insight and experience. In the short-term the experience is enriching, enlivening and full of dramatic changes. In the long-term through achieving personal wholeness, soul nourishment and insights we reach a threshold, a bridge, a chasm - all variously transitional metaphors that signify a quantum leap, a fourth dimensional change that I have termed "the threshold of transformation".

The significance of this threshold, and what distinguishes it from all the changes that have gone before, is that is effects are irreversible -- it is a step from which there is no going back. Once taken, this step across the threshold will lead you to the condition of authenticity and intimacy with your own true nature.

This insight renders the controversy about personality redundant. But it does depend on our ability to clearly distinguish the psychological from the spiritual.

Maintaining Almost Daily Habits and Commitments

This article has a good idea... it suggests consistency as the way of establishing any new habit and making sure it will happen.

Anything worth doing is worth doing every day... day in, day out.

Meditation, spiritual work, being active, reading, learning... as a campaign they are all doomed to fail... but as a daily practice they build the foundation of a spectacular life.

When established, a daily habit becomes second nature. Just like cleaning your teeth in the morning or taking a shower - it would feel wrong to not do it. However with infrequent habits like music practise 3-6 times per week, or exercise twice per week, taking a day off can cause it to be harder to pick it up again afterwards. Then in one fell sweep your positive habit has been ruined completely, and everyday somehow becomes a holiday from it.

Turn a weekly habit into a daily one.

If you sleep in on Sunday morning, you'll know how hard it can be to get up on Monday morning. The trick is to get up early every day. Even at the weekend. I always get up at 6am; and find it much easier to maintain if I do it every day. You might think that a life without sleeping in is not worth living for and that it's really hard to do. But 100% consistency is the best way to do it.

With consistency, a habit should stay on autopilot for most of the time without you having to think about it. Part of the stress of getting up is the conflict between the desires to get up early or late. "Hmm, it's Sunday, don't I deserve a lie-in? Won't I perform better with more sleep? I should really get up and write to the Daily Telegraph about the decline in the duck population." If you stick with a habit every single day, you eliminate self doubt and uncertainty.

Sequence habits together

Rather than tackling several habits in isolation, link them together in a sequence so they become easier to maintain. My morning routine involves getting up, showering, breakfast, piano practise, a bike ride, then getting on the train to my day job. It's almost as if the positive feelings from completing each task act as the impetus to start another. If I'm feeling a bit overworked, I can always forego one of the tasks, e.g. piano practise, and go straight to the next one. If the first and last links in the sequence remain, then my less musical routine still stays solid. The idea would be to put habits done 3-5 times per week in the middle of the chain so that they remain stable, even though you skip it some days.

Substitute infrequent habits

If you skip habits every so often by using the sequencing method - you can also substitute those infrequent habits with others, so that at least you are doing something constructive and keeping the routine. If you hit the gym 3 times per week, the other 4 days in the week could be filled with a short walk or some reading. Substituting the task with something similar is best, on your off days for exercise, a short walk is better than painting Warhammer figures. This ensures that your physical development is turned into an everyday habit, even though you only hit the gym 3 times per week.

Make concrete commitments

"I'll exercise X times per week" Is far too ambiguous. Decide exactly when you will turn those promises into commitments, and don't get all wishy washy about it. "I will hit a swimming pool at 6.30am on Monday, Wednesday and Friday alternating between front crawl and backstroke for half an hour" is orders of magnitude better.

Give yourself a target, and you'll give yourself boundaries that are easy to follow, with guilt free time off when you're done. It's very easy to fail when you don't do this; especially if you're only accountable to yourself. On the day you've decided to do something, there should be no question, no doubt in your mind at all what you are going to do and when. If personal development isn't for you then don't commit to it, just be absolutely sure as to what you actually want.

Get others to give you a kick in the butt

Other people and their impetus are great for a bit of encouragement. Should you find it hard getting up early, arrange daily phone calls with a fellow lark. Get yourself an exercise buddy, and if the worst comes to the worst then pay for a personal trainer. Cook dinner for the kids. Moaning "cost-centres" as I call them are the best encouragement to do things in the world.

Your accountability is set in stone if you have others to please. Should your personal development involve you and only you, there is no one to make you do it. Involving others in your not-quite daily activities will surely get you moving.

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How To Play An Active Part In Your Organization

In a Landmark Education Course I took back in 1987, I learned that it is possible to live life from a new conversation, a new context: "Life is a conversation"

It is quite simple if you can wrap your mind around it, incredibly difficult if you are attached to the way you see the world.

Humans, you, live as if we knew reality. As if we could know reality. But the truth is: reality, if it exists, is unknowable, it is beyond anyone's knowledge.

So the way we are trying to gather knowledge so we can more accurately describe how it is, is just being a better peon, a better slave, never the master, never the creator we were meant to be.

We look for the meaning in things, or we already know what things mean, but what if that is really the way life can't change for us, and all we can do is all we can do?

"Life is a conversation" means that nothing inherently means anything, that the meaning of things isn't fixed. It also means that for life to change, you need to change the conversation you have about it.

After the weekend course I set out to test it out.

I worked as an architect for hire in Lower Manhattan, so I had to walk about 30 minutes from the train to get to the office. On my way I decided that "ownership" is a conversation, just a piece of paper, but it is also a conversation. I am the owner of that firm... I decided to come from this new conversation.

As owner I noticed litter on the carpet, noticed when people were chatting on the phone, pretending to work. In addition to get my own work done much faster and better, I also reminded people to work...

At the end of the day the owners, two young women, called me into their office. I was scared.

Turns out they called me in to thank me and praise me. This was pretty much the first praise from a boss I got in my 17 years of being employed as an architect, by the way.

Weeks after this conversation, the stock market crashed, and the firm lost most of their clients. But regardless, whenever they had any work for a freelance architect, they called me... all because of living life as if it were a conversation.

Every organization is composed of people with different ranks and positions. The leader is set to lead and direct while the members are the followers. Whatever your position is, you should take part and do your best for the organization to be able to achieve its internal goals and render a satisfying service to its clients. Excellent performance is not only required from leaders: all the members of the team should actively cooperate if the goal is to succeed.

It requires courage and other team values to be able to do your part with both the heart and mind set out for it. However, because this is a must so that you can influence others and lead them all to follow the quality of teamwork, you should learn how to be an active part in the organization you belong.

Know that there are points that set the leader distinct from the members. Basically, you have to have a clear knowledge and understanding of your own obligations as well as of others within the team. Always consider the boundaries of each ranks. Overlapping of tasks causes an insult to the other party who is supposed to take care of the things that you do.

The Role of the Leader

The leader's role within the organization is very crucial. Being the leader, he is the one in the forefront. He should see far ahead to be able to stay away from the harmful elements that can cause the organization to fall down. He should also check out every part of the organization and see to it that they are working well together. He has duties as well as the rights to do what he deemed as right and appropriate for the whole organization. He gives commands, initiates plans, formulates goals and solves problems. A good leader should interact with the members of the team in a proper way. If he has to be an effective leader, he should relate with his followers and win their trust and obedience.

The Role of the Member

The members are the followers of the leader. What the leader initiates, they will follow. While every member of the team, including the leader, works hard, the performance of the members is always checked in order to ensure that productivity is high and the team is working as is expected of it. The people comprising the team are of different skills, and each one is placed in a position he or she is needed the most. Each member should have a sense of respect, trust and commitment.

Every rank is coupled with responsibility. Tasks may not be the same but the important thing is that each one will do his best.

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Affirmations to Keep You on Track in Life

If you know me, you know that the misery I experienced in my life for 50 years drove me to many modalities of relief, including affirmations.

Affirmations don't work for me. Never did and never will.

Why? Because affirmations are spoken from the mind: and the mind says so many things, a nice word here and there won't make a difference. Just watch how much difference and how long a pat on the back does to you: not much, correct?

Life started to change when I learned different ways of speaking. I learned that there is descriptive language, and that includes the affirmations: the ordinary way of speaking of most people.

Then there are the active ways of speaking: requests, promises, and declarations. This way of speaking does not come from the mind: it comes from your higher way of being: your vertical plane, your vertical self.

This kind of speaking creates a context that is inescapable.

Of course, this doesn't mean that people won't use request or promise sounding sentences, that come from the mind, a casual tool of babbling. They may even seem to declare something, but the power is missing.

Any speaking that comes from the mind is mere chatter, and any speaking that comes from the Self is a command.

So then why do negative statements seem to have disastrous consequences: what the statement says seems to come true? Because those statements, when spoken in the absence of a commitment, the absence of a higher context, are the true description of where the speaker's world is heading.

I often say: this won't work... this is going to fail... but my actions are not consistent with those "affirmations", they are consistent with making it work.

Your most important job, if you want your word to have power, is to learn to connect to your higher self (not god! not Jesus! but your own higher self), and speak from there.

Until then you are just littering the world with your affirmations.

"What changes your focus changes your faith. What changes your faith changes your outcome." ~ Jesse Duplantis

Let me start by saying that everything you say is some kind of affirmation - either positive or negative. When you complain to your friends, "nothing ever goes right for me," you are affirming to the world and the universe that nothing should go right in your life.

It's true, you know. You are where you are today because of your beliefs, attitudes and words. What you say today becomes your reality tomorrow. What you believe about yourself and your situation creates and maintains your world.

You may not like where you are right now. You may not think you deserve all the hassles, stress and problems. And you are right. But you are the only one who can change your life with affirmations.

It was a revelation to me that my lack of money, bad attitude and poor relationships were my own fault! It was life-changing to learn that I could change my circumstances by changing my words.

Over the years, I have learned to say certain things - affirmations - to cancel negatives and attract positive results. Here are six affirmations that changed my life.

1. "I will not be defeated and I will not quit." It is so easy to throw up your hands and say, "I tried." But 'try' is never enough. To win in any situation, you have to be prepared to stay with it until you do win! It's a philosophy that applies to everything. Michael Jordan is perhaps the greatest basketball player ever. But he freely admits that he has lost more than 300 games and missed over 9,000 shots. But he never quit. Whatever you want, whatever you need to accomplish, don't let your circumstances win. Don't quit.
2. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Yes, it's a Bible verse. But I use it all the time - when I'm tired and just want to give up (see #1!), when I'm faced with a problem that I don't know how to solve, when I need physical strength to just get through the day. Sometimes I partner it with "I rest in God's energy," drawing strength and resolve from the Eternal source of all energy and ability.
3. "I have the mind of Christ." The power here taps into Divine wisdom to solve seemingly unsolvable problems. God has answers to every situation. Affirming that connects your spirit with His wisdom. Patience allows Spirit to work on your behalf to bring the answers or change the circumstances to bring the solution you seek.
4. "I am rooted and grounded in Love." This one is particularly effective when I'm NOT feeling very loving. When someone interrupts 'my' routine, wants something from me that I don't really want to do, or when I'm feeling selfish, I remind myself of my higher calling. I am rooted and grounded in love. I can set aside my wants and focus on the other person. God will take care of me. Use that as an affirmation, coupled with appropriate action to line yourself up for greater blessing.
5. "There is nothing lost in God's world." Use this one where you are looking for lost keys, glasses or any misplaced item. It may take some time, but if you will let this work, a thought will pop into your mind to look... somewhere. And you will usually find exactly what you are looking for.
6. "God loves me and has a good plan for my life." Use this all the time, but especially when circumstances seem aligned against you. This affirmation helps to line up your thinking with the divine plan of blessing and abundance. It helps defeat stress by acknowledging the power of Divine assistance and direction.

Remember, you must stay consistent with your affirmations. Think of your words like a bucket of paint. If you are filling the bucket with negative (black) words, complaints and mumblings throughout your day, how much white (positive) words will you have to speak to get the color you want?

Don't just think of affirmations as things you speak sometimes. Watch your everyday words to make sure you are speaking what you want. God explained it this way: call those things that be not as though they were (Rom. 4:17). By following His method of creation, you can re-create your own world with your words.

Words have power. They have the power to change your mindset. By changing your mind - your beliefs - you change your attitude. That leads to a change in your actions. Use the "A-team" - Affirmation, Attitude and Action - to change your life.

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Coming Out Of Grief – The Process And the Problem

This article deals with the stages of healing, healing your grief. Denial, anger, fear, and so on.

The most important distinction I can add is: check your cone of vision. If your cone of vision is narrow, everything is colored or filled with your grief: the context of life becomes your grief, independent of the content of life.

In addition to that, when you are grief stricken, you start interacting with unreality, and avoid reality.

If there is any hint of "no" in your thoughts, you are interacting with unreality. There is NO no in reality.

I learned this through my own grieving process almost 20 years ago, when my mother died.

She was in Hungary and I was in New Jersey. I didn't even know she wasn't well until after she died.

My whole grief was about what I didn't, could not do, and what we could not do together.

All unreality.

When I came to terms with that, that all grieving is about unreality, I started to tell the truth about reality: I was in New Jersey and she was in Hungary and she died. If I am interested in doing all the things I planned to do with her: I surely will find the time and opportunity to do it with myself or with someone else.

Stabs of grief were still there, but only occasionally.

When you find what's real, your love, your appreciation, you will have a time that if they could watch you, they would love to watch. Instead, they are watching you crying yourself into oblivion, turn to drinking, or sex, or gambling... If they could grieve, they would have a good reason now, watching you.

Grief strikes every one of us sometime or the other in our lives. Many of us find it difficult to come out of it. People get stuck in grief and find it unable to move forward. The situation is similar to a vehicle getting stuck in deep mud and not moving out of it despite frantic efforts made by people.

Coming out of grief is very important for us to progress. But several factors inhibit this process. The most important of them is the state of denial. Many people will find it difficult to accept the happening of a sad event. The obsessive belief 'This cannot happen to me' is so deeply entrenched in our minds that we refuse to see the reality that stands before us.

The grief can be the result of a natural event like the death of a person close to us, an unexpected financial loss etc. It can also be the result of someone acting against us. It can be an act of cheating, betrayal or just being let down by someone whom we trusted. The initial response will always be to deny the happening. This state of denial will persist for a while. We sometimes read about someone living with the corpse of a person dear to them for several days, unmindful of the stink emanating from the disintegrating body. These are examples of extreme states of denial.

The second stage is anger. Once we accept (or are forced to accept) what has happened, then the belief 'This cannot happen to me' turns into a question, 'how can this happen to me?' We show our anger either on the people whom we perceive to be the cause of our grief or on the world at large or the cruel fate for allowing this to happen. It is a kind of protest against the 'injustice' done to us.

The third stage is the stage of fear. Once we realize that our anger has no force and can do nothing to undo what has happened, we are likely to be gripped by a feeling of insecurity and fear. 'If this can happen to me, what other things can happen?' becomes the haunting feeling. This kind of thought makes us weak and depressed.

At this stage, we are so confused that we will not accept any help from others. We feel lonely and suffer our feelings in that state of loneliness.

Overcoming these stages of grief and moving ahead is the real challenge. If you can't do it yourself, you should take help from others because what is important is that you come back to normalcy and continue with your life. You have not only tasks waiting for you but also people looking forward to your support.

Two things are important in life. Self development and maintaining good relationships. If you want to be happy and successful, you should focus on these two areas of personal success and harmonious relationships.

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