If you find yourself behind the eight ball… way behind

If you find yourself behind the eight ball… or way behind…

I am surprised this is just surfacing now.

Someone being behind their rent, behind other payments, or behind taking care of their health and the numbers are going crazy.

Getting to what seems to be unmanageable.

What do you do?

Your/my inability to be with what doesn’t work will take you there. Just give it time.

The sound of scrambling is everywhere.

So without making you wrong for what you have done wrong… Continue reading “If you find yourself behind the eight ball… way behind”

Life is unnecessarily hard for us. How do I know?

I have found, that the biggest ‘deterrent’ for me from getting something new done is a version of visual/mental overwhelm: when my wires get crossed.

Any occurrence of not understanding something begins the process. Continue reading “Life is unnecessarily hard for us. How do I know?”

When life looks hopeless, too hard, unmanageable…

What do you do, where do you go, when life seems to tell you that you are not enough? When you feel you are pushed into overwhelm 1

When your precious I gets threatened?

When you get a glimpse that you are, in fact, not the knight in shining armor…

I think I am becoming more empathic. I think I am becoming more sensitive to your unhappiness. Maybe even more compassionate?

Compassion is seeing where you are at, seeing that I’ve been there before, and offering a helping hand to help you get through it. 2

This is not how you had it, am I right?

Anyway, back to topic… what do you do when you find that you are not enough, you are not a match to life? Continue reading “When life looks hopeless, too hard, unmanageable…”

Pinpoint accuracy or shotgun method? Lottery Approach?

There are really two types of people when it comes to making more money: one group will chase the mirage, the lottery approach, winning, betting on schemes… and the other, the tiny group that sees that making more money is a natural fallout of becoming worth a damn.

I am interested in talking to the second group, the tiny group.

You see, knowing that you should become worth a damn is nice and dandy… but knowing with pinpoint accuracy where you aren’t… what it is that you need to do next to increase your worth a damn factor is crucial.

Life is holographic. Maybe it is the Universe… but who am I to just repeat something I heard… I don’t know about the Universe. But I do know about Life. Continue reading “Pinpoint accuracy or shotgun method? Lottery Approach?”

The latticework on which you hang new knowledge

Latticework can be likened to a Christmas Tree. Some teachers call it scaffolding… by the way.

I once had a boy friend who bought tree ornaments as gifts every Christmas. Even to people who didn’t have a tree… ;-/

One of the barriers to real knowledge, I have found in my students, is compartmentalizing. Continue reading “The latticework on which you hang new knowledge”

What you say and what you do when it comes to your children

What you say and what you do… when it comes to your children becoming educated, productive people

One of the signs of the overwhelming inauthenticity and low level of integrity is the gap between what people say and what people do.

My definition of authenticity is that there is nothing in the unsaid. Nothing in the unsaid that isn’t consistent with what is visible…

In essence, no lying by omission.

Authenticity is one of those big words that no one knows what it really means… so they go by feeling. The simplest way to define authenticity is that there is no pretense, no façade, no game playing. The person is the same through and through. When they are seen and when they are not.

Most people smile a lot in their pictures, but I can feel their anxiety, their fear, their inner trembling. An inauthentic smile.

One more thing that I haven’t said before, but given that we are working with memes and affirmations: if you obey memes, if you repeat memes, if you try to fit in with memes, you cannot be authentic.

Because your inner you, whether you know who it is or what it is, knows that what you are saying, what you are doing is not you… you are trying to fit in. Fitting in is not authentic.

Werner has a saying about authenticity: he says we are always inauthentic, so we can only be authentic (tell the truth) about our inauthenticity.

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One of the measures in the Starting Point Measurements is the inauthenticity measure.

Get your Starting Point Measurements

Inauthenticity… examples

I have been surveying mothers and fathers of children to find out to what degree they care about their children’s future.

Life wants more life… so one would assume that both men and women will want their children to become all they can become.

And when it comes to lip-service, this is often what they say.

But when it comes to putting their money where their mouth is… the truth is vastly different.

  • Less than one percent of women spend money on their children’s future. Education, skill building, music lessons, language lessons, educational toys, etc.
  • 30% of men do.

If you listen to memes, you are now surprised.

Memes tout women as more caring, but these numbers talk against the memes.

Actually, in my experience, what women see as caring makes their children dependent on them, and makes their children a TLB-1…

Having barely any chance of making it in life.

TLB 1 people want me to be nice to them, to protect them, to be like a mother. But the whole field of mother-child is bankrupt when it comes to helping children become strong adults.

The words ‘caring’ and ‘love’ mean different things to different people: there is barely any agreement about any of it.

But we can agree to disagree… how women hear the words love and caring, I am guessing from their behavior, is being loved and being cared for.

To women it means Receiving. Desire to receive for the self alone.

While men hear it, maybe, as a giving, as an earning, as something that allows them to function in the world better, given that their sexual needs, and maybe some other needs can be taken care of.

In my occasional conversations, women behave like this 80% of the time, or maybe it is 80% of women 100% of the time?

I don’t know.

But the number of women who don’t recognize what ‘deal’ they entered when they got married is staggering. The deal the man thought was made, what the man thought the deal was is that the woman will help their spouse make a living. That the will become mothers to the future generation so the man’s genes will get expression.

This is not only true about talented, high earning women: this is true for women who are not high earning, not learned, not highly skilled.

And of course between parties who didn’t spell out the ‘deal’, and now they are at odds, the children are a burden, or mere negotiating chips.

I do see exceptions, when the woman is exceptional.

And occasionally I do see role reversals as well.

This is not genetic. This is meme based.

  • The genes know what is important.
  • The memes say what is profitable for the meme creators.

Don’t be mistaken: memes, the meme creators have a profit motive, and they may also have an overwhelming desire to create a zombie consumer society where they can sway popular opinion at will.

All you need to do to create a zombie consumer society is to keep people be interested in some vague ideal that they need to fill, be pretty, thin, crave sex, and to harass the men so they can never feel at peace and in balance.

Or be a career woman who fights for equal income, even if she can’t focus at work with sick children at home. To have the children be a burden.

No matter which direction the memes sway you, you are not on the side of life.
All the shoulds and all the should nots are memes. All of them. With one agenda: to keep you out of balance, to keep you buying stuff… to be needy and wanty.

For many centuries it was only religion with its memes. But today… with the social sites… ugh.

With more and more memes every generation of humans is less sturdy, less hardy, less willing to be a self-starter when it comes to educating themselves… because there is hardly anyone who cares about it… other than caring to give lip-service.

The Reality Challenge will be ongoing… so you can sign up if you are at all interested in weeding out the memes… so you can start being the driver of your life.

Reality Challenge

No time to do good stuff, let alone great stuff?

Fighting windmills? No time to do good stuff, let alone great stuff?

I just learned something terrible about myself. A lot of people hear me as if I were their father.

You see, in my family I was the dunce… meaning stupid. And even though I had straight A grades, and I was good at everything I tried, I remained stupid to my family. Continue reading “No time to do good stuff, let alone great stuff?”

MVP… Life’s most valuable player? Minimum viable product? What is the connection?

Confession time: I have a very small window where I experience being physically well. Or emotionally well. I am not very sturdy.

I have a tiny tolerance to heat, a small tolerance to cold, a small tolerance to running on empty.

Especially painful and unsettling for me is running on empty… while you, while most people spend their daily energy allotment on trivial things, and then run on fumes all day.

For me, that is unbearable, intolerable, hell. Continue reading “MVP… Life’s most valuable player? Minimum viable product? What is the connection?”

From time to time I get incoherent. What do I do then?

heart coherence Coherence is when all your energies, all your fibers share the same direction and the same rhythm.

Much like having a six-horse carriage, and the horses pull in the same direction.

Incoherence is like herding cats… hopeless.

I am rarely incoherent. And when I am: I am acutely aware of it. Very unpleasant.

The truth is: I used to be incoherent most of the time.

What is the cause of incoherence? I think, for me, too many choices. And an inability or unwillingness to narrow them down, and maybe choose. Continue reading “From time to time I get incoherent. What do I do then?”

How to Develop Emotional Intelligence… what do psychologists say?

This article shows the state of official science for emotional intelligence.

Psychologists are not interested in the groundbreaking work developed in the books Feelings and Words…

Although when you can already recognize your feelings,  their inner dynamics, what they want you to do, what trap you my have stepped, unwittingly, the advice below is quite good.

Until then I don’t think it’s useful… Or may not be useful.

Even though emotional intelligence is really important to live a good life, to have good relationships, to get things done, to be well… for all of life. Continue reading “How to Develop Emotional Intelligence… what do psychologists say?”