One area where every student of mine is lacking is communication. When suddenly they do something that I consider communication, I cry. Tears of joy. One of my recent articles brought a flurry of communication… but it was a “fluke”, an accident, a one time event.
What is communication, really?
The dictionary says: conveying information. Bah humbug.
The purpose of communication is to get what you want, from life, through other people.
Communication is a tool. For the most part the purpose of communication is to get what you want from life, through other people.
If the purpose of life is survival, and survival is more guaranteed if you get what you want, then communication is the most needed tool.
Communication works, 70% through audible words, 30% through inaudible words: what you say inside your head. The right words, put in the right order aimed at the right effect/result.
This, the 30% words, are most apparent, when the “communication”, in spite of the right words, doesn’t work, i.e. doesn’t get you what you intended to get.
At the end of each partner’s air-time, when they finish their work on the call, the other person says: “Thank you for sharing”.
I listen to all this calls. This is the “right words” sentence that clues me most into what happens in the invisible: nobody gives a flying fig about what the other person is going through, while expect full attention, compassion, support from them.
If that is who you are on the Partner calls, you can be sure that that is how you are in your life. And you can’t get anything through a person who knows, now for sure, that you don’t care about them.
The effect (as in cause and effect) is that your words create the results you wanted… or not… Simple. Your words are cause, and you get the effect you aimed at…
The way you use words now won’t get you what you aim at.
Why? you lack most of the ingredients, and even when you do, you don’t know how…
- How you listen: your listening creates the space, the environment… it is the most important element.
- Your self-talk or attitude
- Saying the right thing the right way
- Having the same attitude, namely I recommend personal authority.
You don’t have a clue about how to listen that creates the right space for making things happen. You don’t know how your self-talk effects the communication. And you don’t have the right words, you don’t put them in the right order… and you don’t say it the way that conveys that you mean what you say… result: you don’t get the right effect. You don’t know how…
You blurt out stuff… or you suppress what wants to be blurted out… and you get grief, pain, or just no results.
Communication is a lot like growing plants.
- You need to create a fertile ground to receive your seeds or seedlings… or your seeds or seedlings will die.
- Then you need to water it, you need to weed it, you need to protect it from too much sun…
- What you did yesterday will not save your plants today.
When you observe yourself you don’t EVER consider any of this.
In life you reap and you harvest. In other areas of life you invest and then you earn. But, for some weird reason, you don’t think the same dynamic applies in communication…
So you spew whatever you spew… words… and what you get back is grief, animosity, no results, being ignored, being despised, called names, and you start your now familiar self-hate, or hate for them, for life, for all of it.
You don’t know how to get better results.
My first foray into transformation was a communication course.
Most people could repeat the stuff they learned, but not me. For me it was all kinesthetic: like a dance class.
I had no idea what I learned… it went straight into dancing… aka “adjusted instincts”.
My words became a heated butter knife… and the world became butter. Suddenly there was nothing people wouldn’t do for me. It was amazing.
The same people who previously hated me and shrunk away even from being close to me, from being in the same room.
I had no idea what happened. Later on I learned. I did that same course again and again and again. It wasn’t easy to see what the essence was. What created the magic.
It’s no longer an adjusted instinct… but I can pull it out and “use” it with the same kind of success I did 30 years ago.
- Being immersed in a world with no real communication my adjusted instincts have atrophied.
- Being immersed in a world of objects, where you are bumping up against each other, you live in a world of groans, a world of animosity… I got infected…
I have been finding out listening to my students when they are trying to see what is the cause of an upset asking: what is, what was the undelivered communication? From what they say when they look to answer that question, I can see that they think that blaming, complaining, or blasting the other… IS a communication. And, of course, it never works.
I am committed to recapture the magic and turn it into adjusted instincts… for you.
My hunch is that the “upset” process (where you look what was the undelivered communication) may lead to that again.
Because, believe it or not, how you communicate is intimately tied with the string of upsets your life has been.
A few years ago I was working with a small group…
I attempted to lead them from upset to communication. The course took many months, and there are 20 sessions recorded in the members area.
You can get them so you can go through the same process those students went through. And you can ask for a webinar where I coach you, like I coached the people in the original course… so you can finally have a life of no upsets.
- 1. The first part of the upset process is disappearing the upsets. We do a lot of this work in the Playground… but without the communication, it doesn’t seem to last
- 2. The second part in this process is examining the feelings, if they are all about you, or if they are guiding feelings, generated by your soul
- 3. The third part of this process is finding a communication that cuts this strings of upsets… and make you invulnerable to an upset…
If you get what I teach: it’s priceless.
My goal is not to take anyone who cannot, or won’t get it. Why? Why am I not willing to give it to everyone?
Because this is not a “for profit” venture, this is a labor of love.
And love isn’t nurtured by your resistance, whether intended or not.
Can you come and just get the free upset process? Yes. You can.
No sales pitch. None. Not my style.
Not mentioning the fact that we are talking about an experimental process/course. I had an insight… and I see a path opening up, a path that was never there.
I know it can work. I know my students know they need it.
But you? I am not sure about you.
Back, 30 years ago, I needed what I learned really badly. It was a life or death issue for me. So I was like a sponge, in spite of the language barrier (I did the course in Hebrew).
I got what I needed, and my life will never be the same.
And so can you.